#
171, Samantha and the Beanstalk
NOTE: This review is based on two scripts. They are the Final
Draft, dated March 10, 1969 and the Revised Final Draft, dated March
31, 1969. The scripts follow the same story line with the main difference
being that [1] Endora is seen throughout the entire Original Script
[including following Samantha to the Giant’s castle], but her
part is cut to two short appearances in the Revised Script and [2] the
TRAILER’S of the two scripts are completely different. The episode
follows the Revised Script closely except for cut scenes and a few added
lines.
TEASER
Stephens’ Patio:
- Original Script: After
Darrin’s line about talking during a back swing, he follows
the imaginary flight of the ball, and continues to make imaginary
drives. After making a hole in two, he asks Samantha what it was she
asked.
- Revised Script: The
above bit is cut.
- Episode: The episode
follows the revised script.
- Scripts: After Samantha’s
line about changing her mind, Darrin suggests ”Scott”
if a boy and “Pamela” if a girl. Then:
SAMANTHA: [shakes her head] No . . .that doesn’t go with Stephens.
DARRIN: I have an idea. Let’s change Stephens. It’ll be
easier.
SAMANTHA: This is nothing to joke about. I don’t want to settle
for any old name . . .it should be something romantic.
DARRIN: How about “Romeo” if it’s a boy and “Juliet”
if it’s a girl?
SAMANTHA: You know what I mean! The name should be unique and euphonious.
DARRIN: Okay . . .”Unique” if it’s a boy, and “Euphonious”
if it’s a girl.
The script continues with Samantha telling Darrin either to be helpful
or go play golf. Then:
DARRIN: Okay, let's name him after my uncle.
SAMANTHA: Which one?
DARRIN: “Egbert Wanderlick Stephens”.
SAMANTHA: You don’t have any uncle named that.
DARRIN: No, but it makes James or Scott sound a lot better.
- Episode: The lines
about Unique, Euphonious, and Egbert, and related lines are cut.
- Original Script:
Tabitha wants to know why Samantha is painting her old crib; she insists
that she doesn’t want the new baby sleeping in it. Samantha
tells her that she is a big girl now and doesn’t need it any
more. Tabitha insists that she does so need it.
Tabitha then has a line that she doesn’t want a baby brother
or sister. She wants a pony.
- Revised Script: The
above scene is cut from the Original Script, except for the line about
the pony.
- Episode: The entire
scene is cut.
ACT I
Tabitha’s Room:
- Scripts: Both scripts
have the following lines, after Tabitha says she wants somebody to
talk to:
JACK: You’re a witch, aren’t you?
TABITHA: Uh. How did you know?
JACK: Witches are always fooling around in our stories.
TABITHA: This is my first time.
- Episode: These lines
are cut.
- Scripts: After Jack
rubs his backside:
TABITHA: Your mother doesn’t like you either?
JACK: After what I did, I don’t think she is too crazy about
me.
TABITHA: Did you ever have a daddy?
JACK: Nope. Never had one.
TABITHA: Then how could you be born?
JACK: I wasn’t born. I was written.
- Episode: Everything
except Tabitha’s question about did Jack have a daddy, and Jack’s
reply are cut.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Original Script: Endora
POPS in almost immediately as the scene begins. After Darrin’s
line about what he would like to do with the golf club, Endora takes
an interest in what Samantha is doing. She is revolted at the thought
of her grandchild sleeping in a second hand crib. She ZAPS up a very
fancy crib, which she says belonged to Louis the Fourteenth. Darrin
says it is still used, and for her to get rid of it. The doorbell
rings, Samantha goes to answer it, and Endora POPS out.
- Revised Script: The
entire bit about the Louie the Fourteenth crib is deleted.
- Episode: The episode
follows the Revised Script.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Original Script: Samantha
answers the door to admit Mrs. Stephens. Endora is present.
- Revised Script: Darrin
answers the door. Endora is not present.
- Episode: Follows the
Revised Script.
- Original Script:
Mrs. Stephens comments about Samantha’s apparent good health,
but says she is lying awake nights worrying about Darrin. She thinks
Samantha’s pregnancy is taking too much out of Darrin since
he is so thin. Samantha replies that her doctor says that Darrin will
get his figure back as soon as she has the baby. Mrs. Stephens wants
to take Tabitha to a picnic lunch at the park. Endora counters with
a snide remark that the only playground she would take Tabitha to
is the Italian Riveria. Darrin tries to cover, but only makes things
worse.
- Revised Script: Darrin
greets his mother at the door and ushers her in.
- Episode: The entire
scene from the Original Script is cut and the short scene from the
Revised Script is used.
Tabitha’s Bedroom:
- Scripts: After Darrin
asks who Jack is, he and Samantha go through a “Promise me you
won’t get mad”, “I’m already upset”,
"Then don’t get hysterical” routine.
- Episode: This bit
is cut from the episode.
- Original Script:
After Samantha disappears onto the beanstalk:
DARRIN: Sam, you can’t go climbing up a beanstalk in your condition.
SAMANTHA: Witches don’t have to climb. [She makes a gesture
and starts FLOATING up the beanstalk. As she rises, she calls Tabitha].
DARRIN: Be careful of the Giant. He’s a man-eater. [He does
a double-take as he reacts to what he has just said] Be careful of
the giant, he’s a man eater [a beat] They’d never believe
it at the office.
- Revised Script: Before
the above scene, lines are added about Darrin really wanting to know
where Tabitha went, and why? Samantha admits she doesn’t know
why. She then tells Darrin that it is all a part of growing up, and
as a little girl she used to slip into Snow White. Darrin says that
is a nice fairy tale, but this one’s got a giant in it.
- Episode: These scenes
are completely cut from the episode.
ACT II
The Kingdom:
- Original Script: Calls
for the Giant’s wife to be three times Samantha’s size
and the Giant to be five times Tabitha’s size.
- Revised Script: Calls
for the wife to be 1½ times Samantha’s size, and the
Giant to be three times Tabitha’s size.
- Episode: The wife
is the same size as Samantha, and the Giant is about 10 times Tabitha’s
size.
Giant’s Dining Room:
- Scripts: Refer to
the “White Goose that laid the golden eggs”. The Giant
lifts Tabitha with his hand and puts her on the table.
- Episode: A red hen
is used instead of a white goose. All references to the goose in the
scripts are replaced with “hen” in the episode. The Giant
is not shown to pick Tabitha up.
- Scripts: The Giant
has the lines:
Fee Fie, Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman!
Be he alive, or be he dead,
I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.
- Episode: The last
two lines of the rhyme are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Scripts: Darrin admonishes
Jack not to tell Mrs. Stephens who he is because Fairy tails frighten
her. Endora is present in the Original, but not the Revised Script.
- Episode: The scene
is cut.
- Original Script:
Jack insists on telling Mrs. Stephens, in full detail about his trip
up the beanstalk. Endora urges him on.
- Revised Script: The
scene is cut.
- Episode: The scene
is cut.
Tabitha’s Room:
- Original Script: Darrin
wants Endora to go after Samantha and Tabitha. She refuses to go in
her “Lili Arlege” original and ZAPS herself into a chic
lederhosen mountain climber’s outfit. She floats up the beanstalk
as Samantha did.
- Revised Script: Endora
refuses to go up the beanstalk, saying that Samantha and Tabitha are
in no danger. She adds that she used to pop herself into literature,
and that one time she changed places with Ophelia of Hamlet.
- Episode: Follows the
Revised Script.
Castle Door:
- Original Script: Endora
arrives just as Samantha prepares to knock.
- Revised Script: Endora
is not present and her lines and Samantha’s answers are omitted.
- Episode: Follows the
Revised Script.
Dungeon:
- Original Script: Samantha
and Endora enter looking for Tabitha. Endora has a line about not
expecting to spend the day in a dungeon and complains that she is
late for her hairdressers.
- Revised Script: Endora
is not present. The “Dungeon” line is given to Samantha,
and the rest of the lines are cut.
- Episode: Follows the
Revised Script.
- Original Script:
[Tabitha has shrunken the Giant down to her size].
- Revised Script: [Tabitha
has shrunken the Giant down to half her size].
- Episode: The Giant
is even smaller.
- Scripts: As the Giant
complains about being so small, he says that he wishes Tabitha had
picked Cinderella for a Fairy tale to go into.
- Episode: This line
is cut.
Tabitha’s Bedroom:
- Scripts: Call for
Tabitha to POP Jack back into the story.
- Episode: Tabitha is
not seen to POP Jack back.
TRAILER Original Script
Tabitha’s Room:
Mrs. Stephens enters and wants to know where Jack is.
SAMANTHA: Gone
ENDORA: Yes. Into thin air.
TABITHA: No. Up the beanstalk.
MRS. STEPHENS: Naturally.
DARRIN: I’ll get you an aspirin Mother.
MRS. STEPHENS: And the address of a qualified psychiatrist.
Tabitha’s Room: [later]
Samantha has put Tabitha to bed. As soon as Samantha leaves, Tabitha
POPS Jack from in front of the castle door to her room. She apologizes
to Jack for getting him adopted by her parents. Jack doesn’t
need an apology; he hates golf, and got a sick stomach from all the
food he ate. He says he would rather fight a million giants than live
with her family. Tabitha ZAPS Jack back into the story, closes the
book, and drifts off to sleep.
TRAILER Revised Script and Episode
Stephens’ Living Room:
The episode follows the Revised Script, beginning in the living room.
The scene where Samantha puts Tabitha to bed is a part of ACT II.
#
172, Samantha’s Yoo-Hoo Maid
TEASER
Stephens’ Hallway:
- Script: Darrin is shown coming
down the stairs. He turns and heads for the kitchen.
- Episode: This scene
is cut. The episode begins in the kitchen.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: Darrin enters the kitchen.
The kitchen table and chairs are loaded with groceries.
DARRIN: What’s all this?
SAMANTHA: Thought I’d better stock up on a few items so you
won’t run out of anything while I’m in the hospital.
- Episode: Samantha’s
line is deleted and replaced with, “I ordered everything early,
hoping I’d get it out of the way.”
- Script:
DARRIN: Don’t you think I can go to the store?
SAMANTHA: Yes, but you never bring home the trading stamps and I need
one more book for the baby scale.
DARRIN: But you shouldn’t be exerting yourself at a time like
this. [picks up can] Diced pomegranates?
SAMANTHA: I had a craving for diced pomegranates . . .besides it finished
out the book. Sit down, sweetheart, I’ll get your breakfast.
- Episode: All except
Samantha’s, “Sit down…” is cut.
- Script:
ENDORA: [to Samantha] I can no longer permit you to go on doing these
menial chores, just because El Cheapo refuses to hire a maid.
SAMANTHA: Darrin, maybe you had better get breakfast on your way to
work.
DARRIN: I’m not leaving until you explain to Medusa that not
having a maid has nothing to do with money.
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] It has nothing to do with money.
ENDORA: No? Then why don’t you have one?
DARRIN: Because, my dear mother-in-law, one look at you and your hocus-pocus
and the average maid would go screaming out of the house.
ENDORA: What a pity we never had that work on you.
- Episode: The above
scene, except for Endora’s first line, is cut.
Stephens’ Entry:
- Script: Esmeralda has just become
visible after coming into the house.
ESMERALDA: [looking at Samantha] Oh, Samantha, I see we have a little
one on the way. [Samantha nods] [Esmeralda, quickly . . .embarrassed]
Oh, I don’t suppose I should have noticed. [She FADES OUT]
SAMANTHA: [quickly] Of course you should. We’re very happy.
Please come in and sit down.
- Episode: The above
bit is cut.
ACT I
Stephens’ Entry:
- Script:
DARRIN: [low] Don’t you think I want you to have a maid, Hon,
just as much as your mother does? But it’s got to be someone
dependable.
SAMANTHA: [low] What makes you think she isn’t?
DARRIN: Sam, how can you depend on someone who keeps fading away?
SAMANTHA: Well, at least she’ll be unobtrusive. And Mother’s
right. We have to have some help. What can we lose?
DARRIN: For one thing, our minds! [Camera angle on Esmeralda. As she
becomes more aware that she is the subject of the discussion, she
begins to fade, this time just enough to become transparent] Now,
admit it. That could be a little hard to explain in mixed company.
SAMANTHA: Once she relaxes, it won’t happen. Darrin, who’s
going to look after you and Tabitha when I go to the hospital?
DARRIN: My mother offered to help. And she doesn’t fade.
SAMANTHA: [under her breath] No, not even when you want her to.
- Episode: The above
scene is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: Esmeralda has just declared
that she was a lady in waiting at Windsor castle. She doesn’t
remember the number, but she describes Henry VIII.
ESMERALDA: I tell you, there wasn’t a female in that court that
was safe. So, finally I left.
ENDORA: He made advances to you, too?
ESMERALDA: No, and I got tired of waiting my turn. I mean, who wants
to be a lady-in-waiting forever?
- Episode: The above
is cut.
Stephens’ Hallway:
- Script: Darrin and Samantha
have retreated to the hallway to discuss Esmeralda.
SAMANTHA: You don’t like her?
DARRIN: The point is, what good is she going to be?
SAMANTHA: Darrin, if all she does is help with Tabitha, I’m
satisfied. And, after all, she worked for the King of England.
DARRIN: That wasn’t work. It was a track and field event. [sighs]
Well, I hope you know what you’re doing. [they exit to the living
room]
- Episode: The above
lines are cut.
Darrin’s Office:
- Script: Darrin is seated at
his desk:
DARRIN: Okay, what’s the problem, Larry?
LARRY: [blithely] There’s no problem.
DARRIN: Then why did you make me break my neck to get here? [Camera
angle widens to include Endora who has just POPPED in].
LARRY: [vaguely] I don’t know . . .It seemed important at the
time.
DARRIN: Are you feeling all right?
LARRY: Sure. How’re you feeling, boy?
DARRIN: Confused. I was all set to work at home, then you tell me
to get in here, and now you don’t know why and . . .[the realization]
. . .it makes perfect sense!
LARRY: It does?
DARRIN: If you know my mother-in-law.
LARRY: Of course. Charming lady. How is Endora?
DARRIN: Using all her charms, I’m afraid. We got this new maid
this morning and she wanted me out of the house.
LARRY: You’re putting me on! The maid wanted you out of the
house?
DARRIN: No, my mother-in-law. She’s a real ding-a-ling
LARRY: That’s no way to talk about your wife’s mother.
DARRIN: I meant the maid. Larry, do you mind if I go back home?
LARRY: The condition you’re in, you’d better. [he exits]
[Endora creates “L’s” to his desk, blocking him
in.
DARRIN: Will you please knock it off! [he tries to climb over the
desk and the telephone wires wrap around his legs. He takes a header]
Endora, when they made you, they threw away the mould. That’s
not what they should have thrown away. [He manages to get out of the
office. Endora follows. Darrin heads for the elevator. He presses
the button, the doors open and he starts to step in, then gasps in
horror as he looks down. There is no elevator, only a shaft. He turns
and totters back to his office].
- Episode: The above
scene is cut, except the part about the maid wanting him out of the
house, which is moved to the later scene when he meets Hampton in
his office.
ACT II
Outer Office:
- Script: The three men leave
Darrin’s office and cross to the elevator. Larry presses the
button. As Larry and Hampton start to step in, Darrin grabs them to
keep them from entering the elevator. Both turn startled. Darrin looks
in, sees that there is an elevator there, complete with operator and
several passengers. They enter the elevator with Larry drawing Darrin
in.
LARRY: [to Hampton] Battle fatigue.
- Episode: This scene
is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: Samantha and Endora
are seated on the sofa discussing Tabitha and Esmeralda.
- Episode: The scene
begins with Endora, split into two persons, playing chess with herself.
Samantha enters, Endora pulls herself together, and the conversation
follows the script.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script: Tabitha has called Samantha
to see her “funny pony”.
ESMERALDA: I wish it was a pony. Ponies go away.
SAMANTHA: What are you trying to tell us?
ESMERALDA: Well, the last time I sneezed up a unicorn, I couldn’t
get rid of it.
SAMANTHA: That’s terrible.
EAMERALDA: You don’t know the half of it. I was living in a
one room apartment.
TABITHA: Can’t we keep it, Mommy?
SAMANTHA: I’m afraid not, Sweetheart.
TABITHA: Why? If you’re gonna have a baby, why can’t I
have a pony?
SAMANTHA: It’s not the same thing. Besides, the baby will be
yours, too.
TABITHA: I don’t want a baby. I want a pony.
ENDORA: Why all the fuss. I think it would make an adorable pet.
SAMANTHA: Mother, the number of people who have a unicorn for a pet
can be counted on the fingers of one finger. If we can’t get
rid of it, Darrin’s going to explode!
ENDORA: Splendid!
- Episode: The above
scene is cut and after Esmeralda’s line, “Ponies go away”,
and is replaced with:
SAMANTHA: There’s nothing funny about it.
ENDORA: Oh, It’s divine.
SAMANTHA: It isn’t a pony, it’s a unicorn, and they don’t
exist anymore.
TABITHA: Why not?
SAMANTHA: You remember I told you about Noah’s Ark? . . .The
unicorns missed the boat.
- Script: [Samantha becomes more
agitated] [to Endora] Mother. You’ve simply got to do something
to get rid of this before Darrin gets home.
ENDORA: Here’s a thought. Why don’t we get rid of him
before he gets home? [as Samantha reacts angrily] Well, What am I
supposed to do? You know very well I can’t affect anyone else’s
spell.
ESMERALDA: I’m so sorry. Maybe . . .we could disguise it?
SAMANTHA: As what? A hat rack?
DARRIN’S VOICE: Sam?
SAMANTHA: Yipe!
- Episode: The above
bit is cut
Stephens’ Porch:
- Script: Darrin, Larry, and Hampton
discuss the name “Gazelle” for Hampton’s new economy
car. Darrin thinks the name lacks a power image.
- Episode: The name
of the car is “Cheetah”. Darrin thinks there will be a
connection to “Cheating”.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: Darrin tries to get
Hampton into the den to lie down rather than go on the patio where
he can see the unicorn.
- Episode: Larry has
added the line,” What have you got in there? An oxygen tent?
- Script: Hampton is preparing
to leave.
HAMPTON: Nice meeting you, Mrs. Stephens. [to Darrin] That’s
a remarkable woman, I hope you realize it.
DARRIN: [meaningfully] Oh, believe me, nobody realizes it more than
me.
- Episode: The above
is cut.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: After Tabitha announces
that there is an elephant in her room, Esmeralda fades out, leaving
the flowers hanging in mid air. Samantha and Darrin react into the
fade out.
- Episode: Added are
the lines:
DARRIN: Do you want to explain about the elephant?
SAMANTHA: No!
DARRIN: Good. [Samantha kisses Darrin and they embrace as we hear
the elephant trumpet]
#
173, Samantha's Caesar Salad
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Script: When Caesar appears
he is next to Esmeralda, and his hand is in the salad bowl.
- Episode: He appears several
feet from Esmeralda and behind her.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Darrin is in the LR.
As Samantha enters, the lines are: Samantha: Hi, sweetheart. Hungry?
Darrin: (with a leer) Yeah! Samantha: I'm talking about lunch. How
come Larry let you out?
- Episode: Dialogue as follows…
Samantha: Hi, sweetheart. Hungry? Darrin: Starved. Samantha: How come
Larry let you out?
Airport:
- Script: Dialogue written as:
Larry: I went to a party last night and had the greatest stroke of
luck in years! Darrin: Well, it's a good thing Louise wasn't with
you. Larry: I'm not talking about that kind of luck. The discussion
continues about the Charday oil account being open for grabs.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Den:
- Script: Larry has lines about
the Tiger cologne smells like $5.00 a bottle. Darrin's line is to
cut the price and it will sell.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Hallway:
- Script: After Samantha says
it is really thrilling to listen to Caesar, Darrin has a line: "Sure.
And if you go skydiving without a parachute it's even more thrilling--and
less dangerous!"
- Episode: Omitted.
City Hall:
- Script: The officer on steps
is confronting Caesar and several other policemen join in for backup.
- Episode: No other policemen
show up.
Stephens' Entry:
- Script: When Evelyn Charday
enters the script calls for ad lib acknowledgments.
- Episode: No ad libs.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Samantha has a line
about Larry being happy. Darrin has lines about Larry first calling
him a genius, and then bawling him out for hiring models without authorization.
- Episode: Omitted.
#
174, Samantha’s Curious Cravings
TEASER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: Darrin makes a list
of the people he wants Samantha to call if she has to go to the hospital
when he is not around. His list, in order is: Mr. Dawson, Mrs. Marsh,
the Denneys, the Garrets, the Fowlers, and the Kenters.
- Episode: The names are changed
to: Mr. Luckins, Mrs. Grand, the Henrys, the Goodalls, the Harpers,
and the Cushmans.
End Episode TEASER
Continue Script TEASER, Begin Episode ACT I
Dr. Anton’s Office:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: [reprovingly] IRON pills.
ANTON: Sorry. I’ll give you another prescription. [as he writes]
This is probably your last office visit, Samantha. Better have your
bag packed.
SAMANTHA: Oh, it’s packed. And the entire neighborhood is on
the alert . . .and Darrin’s a nervous wreck . . .we’re
all ready.
- Episode: Beginning with, “This
is probably . . .”, the rest of the lines are cut.
- Script: A bowl of chop suey
appears in Samantha’s hand. The script does not say what she
does with it.
- Episode: Before Dr. Anton asks
for the prescription back, Samantha puts the chop suey in her purse.
- Script:
ANTON: If your druggist can’t fill it, he can always eat it.
[He laughs heartily, Samantha joins him in a token laugh. He rises
and crosses around his desk to Samantha’s chair] Well, the next
time I see you, will be at the hospital . . .[He helps her up and
they cross to the door during the following] . . .Just relax as much
as you can, take your vitamins, and don’t worry about those
cravings for food. It won’t hurt you one bit.
SAMANTHA: Thank you, Doctor. Goodbye. [She exits. Anton closes the
door and starts back for his desk, but when he passes the chair in
which Samantha was sitting, he does a take. [CAMERA view on chair.
A honeydew melon is resting on the chair. The CAMERA returns to Anton
as he reacts in surprise]
- Episode: After Anton’s
first line, the rest is cut.
End Script TEASER
Script ACT I
Stephens’ Entry Hall:
- Script: [Darrin adds another
name to his phone list]
SAMANTHA: Darrin, you’ve got enough people on that list now
for a Search and Destroy team.
- Episode: The line is changed
to:
SAMANTHA: Darrin, you’ve got enough names on that list now to
fill Madison Square Garden.
- Script:
ENDORA: [to Samantha] When did the cravings start?
SAMANTHA: Yesterday.
ENDORA: Strange . . .
DARRIN: You mean you don’t know what it is?
ENDORA: No, do you?
DARRIN: Sam, what are you going to do?
SAMANTHA: Look at the bright side . .. if I get a craving for something
in the middle of the night, you won’t have to get up to go get
it.
DARRIN: Sam, it’s nothing to kid about.
SAMANTHA: [calming him down] And it’s nothing to worry about.
I feel fine.
ENDORA: You can never tell . . .[glaring at Darrin] . . .when mortals
are involved.
DARRIN: [flaring] There’s always trouble when you’re involved!
Will you please stay out of this!
ENDORA: I happen to be worried.
DARRIN: Well, what do you think I am.
ENDORA: [pointedly] Do you really want to know?
- Episode: Darrin and Endora’s
lines about not knowing what it is are cut. After Darrin’s line,
“It’s nothing to kid about”, the rest of the scene
is cut.
Delicatessen intercut with Stephens’ Bedroom:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: [speaking to the short order man] Yes, make it lean with
lots of mustard. [she goes to the wall phone, makes a gesture, and
dials]
DARRIN: [answering phone] Hello . . .? Sam where are you!?
- Episode: SAMANTHA: [speaking
to the short order man] A corn beef sandwich, please, and make it
lean. With lots of mustard. Just put it on our account.[she goes to
the phone]
- Script:
DARRIN: What’s Bombay done to you?
SAMANTHA: Darrin if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll tell
you. Apparently Dr. Bombay reversed the spell. Instead of the food
coming to me, I go to the food.
- Episode: SAMANTHA: Darrin, if
you’ll give me a chance. I’ll tell you. [a man brings
the sandwich to her] [to waiter] Thank you! [back to Darrin] Apparently
Dr. Bombay reversed the spell. Instead of the food coming to me, I
go to the food.
- Script: SAMANTHA: Yes dear,
as soon as I finish my sandwich. [she hangs up - - -addressing someone
o. s.] How much? . . .95 cents? [she turns back to the phone, gestures
to it. We hear a cascade of coins. She empties the slot.
- Episode: SAMANTHA: Yes dear,
as soon as I finish my sandwich [she hangs up and goes back to the
counter] Could I have a pickle, please?
ACT II
Hospital corridor:
- Script: SAMANTHA: I’m
sorry sweetheart, but as soon as Dr. Bombay gets here, It’ll
all be solved.
- Episode: [Added is] DARRIN:
Stop!! [as Samantha starts to take another bite of the hot dog].
- Script: Calls for Dr. Bombay
to ZAP himself into a white hospital uniform.
- Episode: Dr. Bombay ZAPS himself
into scrubs.
Hospital Room:
- Script: ANTON: According to
my examination, Mrs. Stephens isn’t due for a while.
- Episode: ANTON: According to
my examination, Samantha isn’t due for a while.
- Script:
DARRIN: How long a while?
ANTON: There’s nothing unusual . . . just a little false labor.
. . you two go on home and I’ll be waiting for your call.
- Episode: “Labor”
is changed to “alarm”, and the rest of the line is cut.
TRAILER
Hospital Reception Area:
- Script and Episode
agree.
#
175, A Star Is Born (Aired
as: And Something Makes Four)
REVIEWER’ NOTE: The script features Samantha, Darrin, and
Uncle Arthur. In the episode, Uncle Arthur is replaced with Maurice.
The episode lines are kept as close to the script lines as possible,
diverging only to replace “uncle” with “grandfather”,
“nephew” with “grandson”, and changes that reflect
the different personalities of Arthur and Maurice.
TEASER
Stephens’ House:
- Script: In the wee hours of
the night Darrin is seen running from the house to the garage, getting
the car out, and leaving it in the driveway.
- Episode: The scene is filmed
in rather bright light as if it were daytime.
- Script: DARRIN: It’s
all set. The car is in the driveway with the door open and the motor
running.
- Episode: DARRIN: It’s
all set. The car is in the driveway with the motor open and the door
running.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: It’s not even my first baby.
DARRIN: Ten minutes to three. I wonder why expectant mothers always
go to the hospital in the middle of the night?
SAMANTHA: It’s a tradition. And there’s less traffic.
DARRIN: Honey, sit down.
SAMANTHA: What for?
DARRIN: I’ll back the car out.
SAMANTHA: You already did.
- Episode: After Samantha’s
first line, the remainder of this scene is cut.
- Script:
DARRIN: Okay. Then let’s go - - -and don’t forget your
suitcase.
SAMANTHA: I thought maybe you’d carry it for me.
- Episode: These lines are cut.
ACT I
Hospital Lobby:
- Script: [Darrin is filling out
the admissions form]
DARRIN: What do we do about questions like “Patient’s
date and place of birth?”
SAMANTHA: What did we do last time?
DARRIN: We lied.
SAMANTHA: Then let’s be consistent.
- Episode: These lines are cut.
- Script: [Uncle Arthur POPS
in].
Uncle Arthur: Sammy, I just got the message. And I hear you have a
special delivery for us.
- Episode: [It is Maurice who
has POPPED in.]
MAURICE: Samantha, my dearest. The hallowed time has arrived.
- Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: Not too friendly is he?
SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] I didn’t tell . . .[to Uncle Arthur] How
did you find out?
UNCLE ARTHUR: Esmeralda. I was painting the cosmos and I dropped in
at your house for a nightcap. [He waves his arms and his costume changes
to a flannel nightshirt and an old-fashioned nightcap].
DARRIN: Uncle Arthur, knock it off! [Uncle Arthur waves his arms and
changes his attire back to normal].
SAMANTHA: Thank you. And goodbye . . .
UNCLE ARTHUR: What do you mean, goodbye . . .
DARRIN: She means goodbye as in get out of here immediately.
UNCLE ARTHUR: But Sammy’s going to have a baby.
- Episode: [The entire above is
cut and replaced with]:
MAURICE: I would have you know, you earth bound clod, that I am not
just anyone! I was attending an interplanetary banquet in my honor
when I felt the vibrations of impending maternity.
- Script:
DARRIN: See you later, Sweetheart.
SAMANTHA: Okay . . .and don’t worry . . .maybe Uncle Arthur
will be a counter-irritant.
- Episode: Samantha’s line
is changed to: “Try not to think of this as a problem. Think
of it as a chance for you and Daddy to get better acquainted.”
Hospital Waiting Room:
- Script:
UNCLE ARTHUR: This is getting dullsville.
DARRIN: Then leave.
UNCLE ARTHUR: And such a nothing atmosphere. Maybe I’ll redecorate.
[ He flicks his fingers and the furniture becomes sleek, modern, and
colorful].
DARRIN: Stop horsing around! And don’t use that as an excuse
to pop in a pony.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [disdainfully] Spoilsport.
DARRIN: Arthur, you could drive a man to drink. [Arthur gestures and
in POPS a pretty cocktail waitress, a la a Playboy Bunny, holding
a tray]
WAITRESS: [to group - -confused] Can I bring you boys anything from
the bar? [Davis looks up, catches a glimpse of her just as Arthur
POPS her out]
DAVIS: [to Darrin] Did you just see a beautiful girl?
DARRIN: [playing dumb] Where?
DAVIS I must be getting punchy. I’ve been here six hours.
DARRIN: Is this your first child?
DAVIS: Uh huh. And I’m sort of tense because my wife is having
it late in life. She’s twenty-two.
ARTHUR: You call that late? His wife is pushing five hundred.
DARRIN: [to Davis] Ignore him. He tries to relax people with silly
jokes . .
- Episode: This scene is cut.
REVIEWER'S NOTE: The delivery room nurse, who brings the baby to
Darrin is referred to in the script as Mrs. Nelson, and Mrs. Hogan.
In the episode she is referred to as Mrs. Horgan.
- Script:
DAVIS: What happened to the cigar?
UNCLE ARTHUR: You finished it.
- Episode: MAURICE: You swallowed
it.
- Script: [Uncle Arthur’s
incantation to make people love the baby]:
Special baby full of grace . . .
So tiny and so new . . .
Whatever mortal sees your face . . .
Will fall in love with you.
- Episode: [Maurice’s incantation
to make people love the baby]:
Precious package full of grace . . .
Incandescent and so new . .
Whatever mortal sees your face . . .
Will fall in love with you.
- Script: The nurse with the wheelchair
from the night before comes by. Arthur wants to see if his spell is
working.
- Episode: The nurse is the admissions
nurse from the night before.
- Script: THE NIGHT SUPERVISOR
[MRS. HORGAN}: Why that’s the most magnificent child I’ve
seen in forty years of nursing.
- Episode: “Forty years”
becomes “Twenty years”.
ACT II
Hospital Corridor:
- Script: [Two nurses, other than
the ones seen the previous evening, are oohing and ahing over the
Stephens’ baby. Another nurse joins the group]
FIRST NURSE: Isn’t that Stephens’ baby enchanting?
SECOND NURSE: [new arrival] Absolutely captivating.
DAY SUPERVISOR: All right ladies, I know it’s hard to tear ourselves
away but it’s time for visiting hours. [She glances at the Stephens’
baby] That child is precious, isn’t he? [They all sigh and exit].
- Episode: This scene is cut.
Samantha’s Hospital Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: I saw him last night.
SAMANTHA: Speaking objectively, what would you say he is, sensational
or terrific?
DARRIN: Both.
SAMANTHA: I’m proud of you.
DARRIN: Me?
SAMANTHA: Sure . . .it’s the father who determines the sex of
the child. You have a perfect score . . .a boy and a girl.
DARRIN: [smiles] We have to decide on a name.
SAMANTHA: I thought we decided. Frank for your father . . . .Maurice
for my father.
DARRIN: Yeah . . .but we haven’t decided who gets first billing.
SAMANTHA: The father of the father should get first billing. Frank
Maurice Stephens.
DARRIN: I certainly hope the father of the mother agrees.
- Episode: The above scene is
cut, except for Darrin’s first line.
REVIEWER’S NOTE: The script refers to Mr. Busby and Busby
Baby Foods throughout the remainder of the script. In the episode the
name is changed from “Busby” to “Berkley”.
- Script: [Uncle Arthur POPS in]
UNCLE ARTHUR: Hi, gang. What’s new?
SAMANTHA: You tell us.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [relating gossip] Well, your cousin Serena has a crush
on a new warlock. He won’t give her a tumble, but . . .
SAMANTHA: I mean among mortals?
UNCLE ARTHUR: Oh, them. How would I know?
- Episode: This part of the scene
is cut. It is Maurice who POPS in.
- Script:
DARRIN: [mad] So you admit it. You tossed around some voodoo.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [with distain] You’re square, aren’t you?
SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, please.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [musing] A mural. I wish I had thought of that.
SAMANTHA: I have a feeling you did.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [pleases with himself] Well I did conjure up a little
spell to make every mortal who sees my little nephew go gaga.
DARRIN: [to Arthur] You undo that spell immediately or I’ll
gaga you right in the mouth.
UNCLE ARTHUR: Is that a threat, buster?
DARRIN: Yes, buster, it is.
- Episode: The above is cut and
replaced with:
DARRIN: [mad] So, you admit it. You tossed around some voodoo.
MAURICE: Let’s say I gave the natural an assist from the supernatural.
SAMANTHA: You cast a spell to make whoever saw our baby fall in love
with it.
MAURICE: Indeed I did.
DARRIN: Well, we demand that you undo that spell immediately.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, you shouldn’t have threatened him [Uncle
Arthur].
DARRIN: You shouldn’t have asked me to say I was sorry.
SAMANTHA: [trying rationale] On the other hand, if you hadn’t
threatened him in the first place, then he wouldn’t have gotten
upset and I wouldn’t have asked you to . . .
DARRIN: [interrupting] Sam. [she shuts up]
SAMANTHA: Uncle Arthur, Uncle Arthur.
- Episode: All except the first
last lines are cut, and the last line is changed to: “ Daddy,
daddy”.
Hospital Corridor:
- Script: [Davis enters with his
parents]
DAVIS: Mom . . .Dad . . .this is it. Your first look at your first
grand child.
MRS. DAVIS, SR,: He’s adorable.
DAVIS, SR.: Hello, grandson.
MRS. DAVIS, SR.: Ralph, look at this one. [they look at the Stephens’
baby].
DAVIS: What are you doing?
DAVIS, SR.: I’m taking his picture.
DAVIS: But that’s the wrong baby. Billy’s over here.
MRS. DAVIS, SR.: He can take Billy’s picture later.
DAVIS, SR.: If I have enough film.
DAVIS: Why do you want pictures of . . .[he looks at the Stephens’
baby] Make sure you get his profile. [in POPS Endora]
ENDORA: Which one is the Stephens’ boy?
DAVIS, SR.: This one. Get in line.
ENDORA: But I’m his grandmother. [not being mortal, the spell
does not bother her] Hello there, precious.
MRS. DAVIS, SR.: [to Endora] You’re a lucky woman. This is the
most beautiful baby in the world.
DAVIS, SR.: The others pale in comparison.
ENDORA: That’s true - -but how gracious of you to admit it.
DAVIS: This baby is something else.
ENDORA: [chuckling] Yes, isn’t he.
- Episode: This entire scene is
cut.
Samantha’s Hospital Room:
- Script: [Endora POPS in]
ENDORA: [indicating Darrin] I suppose it was his idea not to tell
me about the baby.
SAMANTHA: [covering] No mother . . .it’s just that . . .everything
happened so fast. I was going to get in touch with you today . . .how
did you find out?
- Episode: These lines are cut.
Skeet Club:
- Script: [Samantha has asked
Endora to find Uncle Arthur. Endora thinks it is his afternoon for
skeet shooting and goes to the “Warlock Skeet Club”. Endora
finds Arthur shooting skeet very successfully. The unique thing is
he does not have a gun. He holds his arms as if he were holding a
rifle, squeezes his finger against thin air, and we hear a “bang”
and the target breaks.]
ENDORA: Arthur.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [tersely] Quiet, I’m concentrating. [another clay
pigeon, another hit]
ENDORA: Arthur, Samantha wants you to remove that spell.
UNCLE ARTHUR: No. Darwin was rude to me. Besides, I’m on a hot
streak. [another target, another hit.
ENDORA: Well, they can’t say I didn’t plead with you.
[She turns to leave as another target is launched. Grasping an invisible
pistol, she fires over her shoulder and the target explodes].
UNCLE ARTHUR: Beginner’s luck!
- Episode: The entire scene is
cut.
Samantha’s Hospital Room:
- Script: [Endora POPS in]
ENDORA: Uncle Arthur refuses.
- Episode: The line is changed
to, “Your daddy is a very stubborn man”.
Hospital Corridor:
- Script: SAMANTHA: When the Witches’
Council finds out . . .the Witches’ Council that wants my marriage
to get as little publicity as possible . . they’ll be so angry
they’ll drum Uncle Arthur right out of the corps.
- Episode: The last part is changed
to, “They’ll be so angry they’ll call the Warlocks
Shakespearian Society and have Daddy expelled!
- Script: Uncle Arthur’s
spell to remove the love spell on the baby:
The magic from my spell has flown . . .
From this moment on it’s to each his own.
- Episode: Maurice’s spell:
The magic from my spell be flown . . .
From this moment on it’s to each his own.
- Script: [The people return their
attention to their own children. Samantha quickly extends her arms
to incant a postscript].
SAMANTHA: And so repercussions won’t be rotten . . .all that’s
happened will be forgotten.
UNCLE ARTHUR: [distastefully] That’s not very good Sammy.
SAMANTHA: I’m a witch not a poet.
- Episode: The above lines are
cut.
- Script: ACT II ends with Larry
getting pictures of Berkley’s granddaughter.
- Episode: Added is a conversation/argument
between Maurice and Endora over where he was and what he was doing
before he flew to Endora’s bedside at Samantha’s birth.
The scene ends with them both oohing like typical grandparents at
the baby.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Driveway:
- Script: Calls for the car to
pull into the driveway, Darrin to help Samantha out, and for them
to walk to the front door.
- Episode: The scene starts with
Darrin and Samantha coming in the front door.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: A toy rattle materializes
and flies around the room before landing in Darrin’s arms beside
the baby.
- Episode: The rattle materializes
and flies directly to the baby.
#
176, Naming Samantha’s New
Baby
TEASER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
ENDORA: Oh. Sorry I didn’t see you, Durwood. [a]
One-dimensional objects tend to have a tendency to fade into the background.
DARRIN: Thanks, and the name is Darrin.
ENDORA: That’s your problem. [b] Actually I
only have a few minutes to spare.
DARRIN: [c] Somehow you can stay longer in a few
minutes than most people can in a week.
SAMANTHA: [crossing between them] Now stop it, both of you.
ENDORA: That’s all right my dear. I only came to see my grandson
and warn you about something.
- Episode: Lines [a],
[b], and [c] are cut. Added to Endora’s
last line is, “But if that’s his attitude”. [she
POPS out]
- Script: DARRIN: [alarmed] Sam,
what are you doing? My parents are going to be here in less than an
hour! [a] And you know how much Endora enjoys sinking
her fangs into my father.
- Episode: Line [a]
is cut.
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Samantha brings the
baby downstairs and crosses to Endora and Darrin. Script Note:
Insert real baby after Samantha gets downstairs.]
ENDORA There’s my little beauty! Samantha, he looks exactly
like you.
SAMANTHA: But notice, he has Darrin’s eyes?
ENDORA: Yes, but that’ll change if we’re lucky. [The door
chimes o. s.]
DARRIN: That’s my folks. [over casually] Wouldn’t you
like to go upstairs and watch Tabitha while she’s napping.
ENDORA: [maliciously] Why, I wouldn’t miss seeing your mother
for the world.
DARRIN: [muttering] That’s what I was afraid of. [He exits to
the front door. Samantha puts the baby in a bassinette. A low rumble
id heard o. s.]
SAMANTHA: Oh, my goodness. Is that Daddy?
ENDORA: [glances o. s.] No, it’s just a truck going by.
- Episode: Samantha puts the baby
in the bassinette as soon as she comes downstairs. The door chimes.
Darrin goes to answer it. All of the conversation lines are cut.
- Script:
FRANK: [to Endora] [warmly] Nice to see you again.
ENDORA: [extending her hand] A pleasure to see you, too. [She goes
right by Phyllis’ extended hand and takes Frank’s. She
continues to hold his hand as Phyllis stares.]
PHYLLIS: [a] Samantha, do you think it’s wise
to have so many visitors when you just came home from the hospital?
[b] I mean, if you’d told us you already had
company, we could have delayed our visit. Even though I’ve been
waiting all week to see the baby.
- Episode: Phyllis does not extend
her hand to Endora. Endora does not hold onto Frank’s hand.
Phyllis’ line [a] is in the episode, but line
[b] is cut.
- Script:
FRANK: Why not? For my namesake? [there is another rumble o. s. Samantha
turns to Endora in apprehension]
SAMANTHA: Did that sound like distant thunder to you?
ENDORA: Yes, and not too distant, either.
- Episode: There is no rumble.
Samantha and Endora’s lines are cut.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script:
DARRIN: I planted this the day the baby was born. Reviewer’s
note: This exact line was first heard in # 152.
FRANK: Very nice, but what was so urgent?
DARRIN: I . . . .I wanted you to see it before it got any bigger.
PHYLLIS: Darrin, do you have a fever?
- Episode: All but Darrin’s
first line are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [A car drives through
the wall and Maurice steps out]
MAURICE: Samantha, my darling.
SAMANTHA: [low – urgently] Daddy, quick! [a] Get
that car out of here. Darrin’s parents are here!
MAURICE: His parents? [seeing Endora] Oh, and you, too, Endora. Well,
my cup runneth over. –He waves and the car and driver POP out.
- Episode: Maurice arrives in
a cloud of smoke and a series of explosions, not in a car. Samantha’s
line [a] is deleted, as is the car POPPING out.
- Script:
ENDORA: They do if he says so.
MAURICE: Do you know where a baby’s smile is born? In the pale
beam of a vanishing moon, brushed by the whisper of a summer cloud
and washed in the dream of a dewy morn.
DARRIN: Gee, and I thought it was born at Lakeside Hospital.
- Episode: Maurice and Darrin’s
lines are cut.
- Script:
ENDORA: Oh, do tell us what it is! [Darrin makes a desperate effort
to get his parents out of the room]
DARRIN: Oh, hey. The pictures I took of you at Tabitha’s birthday
party? I just got them back. Come on in the den and I’ll show
them to you.
PHYLLIS: What’s the matter with you Darrin? You sent them to
us.
DARRIN: I did?
- Episode: All but Endora’s
line is cut.
- Script: Maurice:
Hear these words, oh new-born child,
On whom the universe has smiled.
With this flower I do shed
The gift of laughter on your head.
- Episode: Added is:
MAURICE: If it doesn’t fit, you can exchange it.
- Script:
PHYLLIS: [After Maurice’s temper tantrum has broken a lamp,
etc.] What was that all about?
DARRIN: [surveying the damage] About 250 dollars the way I figure
it.
- Episode: Darrin’s line
is changed to:
DARRIN: About 150 dollars, the way I figure it. Actually it was just
some kind of earth tremor.
- Script:
ENDORA: And if I choose not to?
MAURICE: Endora, how would you like to be the first woman to land
on Mars?
Endora: Well, as long as you put it that way . . .[She waves and POPS
out]
- Episode:
MAURICE: Endora, now would you like a little trip to Mars?
ENDORA: Oh, but it’s dull there this time of year.
MAURICE: But you’ll liven it up.
ENDORA: Well, as long as you put it that way . . .[She waves and POPS
out]
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Darrin’s absolutely right! It wasn’t fair to
do that to his mother.
MAURICE: Oh, stop this infernal bickering! [he waves] There. I’ve
removed the spell. Now can we talk about the baby’s name?
- Episode: [Before the script
lines, the following lines are inserted]
MAURICE: There’s nothing more to be said.
DARRIN: Yeah, but . . .
MAURICE: Apparently that isn’t going to keep you from saying
it.
- Script:
DARRIN: The baby’s name is Frank!
SAMANTHA: Excuse me. [she exits quickly up the stairs]
DARRIN: May I show you something? [He goes to a table, pulls open
a drawer and takes out a paper. Holding it up] See! It’s an
accomplished fact. The baby’s name is on the birth certificate.
[CAMERA ON PAPER – in bold letters – FRANK MAURICE STEPHENS.]
MAURICE: Take another look [FRANK POPS off of the birth certificate]
DARRIN: Okay, that does it! Now look . . . .
- Episode: This scene is cut.
- Script:
DARRIN: . . . . .not meaning any disrespect, but it’s none of
your business! [Maurice freezes and starts to steam]
SAMANTHA: Now, Father, please control yourself! How many times have
you said that even though he’s a mortal, Darrin has the courage
of his convictions?
MAURICE: I Believe I said the courage of his confusions.
- Episode: Samantha and Maurice’s
lines are cut.
- Script: [Maurice has ZAPPED
Darrin into the mirror]
SAMANTHA: Daddy, I’m going to count to three and I want Darrin
out of there by that time. One . . .two . . .three [a]
. . .[There is a long pause while Darrin waits anxiously]. Finally,
Samantha returns to the mirror. [b] [to Darrin] Dear,
would you like something to read? This is going to take a little longer
than I thought.
- Episode: After [a],
there is a long pause and Samantha has added a subdued questioning,
“four?”. At [b], the rest of Samantha’s
line is cut.
ACT II
Stephens’ Living Room – later:
- Script:
FRANK: . . . .When did you take out the patent on this process?
MAURICE Oh, many, many years ago. [they exit. Phyllis starts to follow]
PHYLLIS [calling] Now Frank, Don’t get yourself all worked up.
[to Samantha] Most men can’t wait to retire so they can relax
and enjoy their families. He can’t wait to get back to business.
[She shakes her head and exits to the patio. As Samantha watches her
off, Darrin knocks on the mirror to get her attention]
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I’m terribly sorry about this.
DARRIN: Never mind the sympathy. How do I get out of here?
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I just wanted to remind you that we weren’t
exactly thrilled about the name, Frank, ourselves. But you thought
your father would expect it. You know we both preferred another name.
Maybe….
DARRIN: Absolutely not! I’ll not change the baby’s mane
to suit your father’s whim. [as Phyllis appears in the patio
doorway, unseen by Samantha or Darrin.]
SAMANTHA Then just stay calm and try not to irritate him anymore.
PHYLLIS: Samantha, who . . .who’re you talking to?
SAMANTHA: I was just . . .humming a little song.
- Episode: After Maurice’s
line, the rest of the scene is cut.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script: [Frank and Maurice are
seated on a patio couch. Maurice is nodding politely, apparently biding
his time]
FRANK: I still have a top credit rating and raising the necessary
capital is no problem. And also, I’m very close to one of the
top photo outfits in the country. I tell you, this is just what I
have been looking for!
- Episode: This bit is cut.
- Script:
FRANK: Pain in the neck, if you want to know.
MAURICE: [suppressing a smile] You don’t say? . . .then the
question naturally arises, do you want your grandson to suffer the
same disadvantage?
FRANK: Well, it was Samantha and Darrin’s idea. I couldn’t
insult them by refusing.
MAURICE: I know just how you feel. Perhaps . . .no, I don’t
think it would be my place to mention that you would rather not have
the baby named after you.
FRANK: Why not? You’re Samantha’s father.
MAURICE: [rising] Well, if you feel that strongly, I just may drop
a hint about it.
FRANK: [rising] Thanks. And what about my proposition?
MAURICE: I’ll certainly consider it very carefully.
- Episode: The above is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Maurice has released
Darrin from the mirror]
DARRIN: [he blows on his hands to warm them]
Thanks - - -for nothing.
- Episode: [Added line]: MAURICE:
You’re welcome for nothing.
- Script:
MAURICE: Nobody ever called me Morey.
DARRIN: Sure, but were you ever a baby?
- Episode: Darrin’s line
is cut.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
TABITHA: Mommy, the baby’s up.
SAMANTHA: [rising] Oh, good. Would you like to watch while I change
him?
- Episode: SAMANTHA: [rising]
Oh, good. Maybe I better change him.
- Script: [Frank has returned:]
FRANK: Well, I’ll think of something
SAMANTHA: Incidentally - -my father mentioned that you’d rather
we didn’t name the baby after you.
FRANK: Well, now, I certainly don’t want to offend you . . .
DARRIN: And we certainly don’t want to go against your wishes.
SAMANTHA: So we decided to name the baby Adam, instead.
FRANK: Adam? Very nice. Very nice. Well, I’ve got to run along.
[He crosses to the door, stops turns:] Adam? What kind of a name is
that?
- Episode: After Franks’
first line, the rest is cut.
#
177, To Trick or Treat or Not to
Trick or Treat
TEASER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: The script calls for
Samantha to be wearing maternity clothes and for witches’ costumes
and masks to be strewn about. Tabitha is looking at herself in a portable
standing mirror before she says her first line.
- Episode: Samantha does not wear
maternity clothes [Adam was born two episodes before this one was
aired]. Tabitha does not look in a mirror until Endora ZAPS a crown
on her head. and then the mirror is one in the top of a dressing case.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: - - -[to Tabitha] I think your grandmama wants to have a
little talk.
TABITHA: Don’t worry, grandmama. I’m going to be Glinda,
the good witch of the North.
- Episode: Tabitha’s line
is cut.
ACT I
Stephens’ Bedroom:
- Script: [Samantha and Darrin
are in bed asleep. The alarm clock goes off. Darrin turns it off and
gets out of bed. When he does the bench at the foot of the bed slides
in his path and he stubs his toe against it]
DARRIN: Yee-OW!
SAMANTHA: Darrin, what’s the matter?
DARRIN: I’ll tell you what’s the matter! What’s
your mother doing here at this hour of the morning? That’s what’s
the matter.
SAMANTHA: What you just said doesn’t make any sense.
DARRIN: Never mind. [As he pushes the bench out of the way, a chair
slides in his path and he stumbles over it].
SAMANTHA: I guess mother hasn’t forgotten about last night.
DARRIN: Now listen to this, Endora - - -everything I said last night
still goes. I will not have you interfering with the affairs of MY
house and MY family. [The chair slides back out of the way] That’s
the only way to treat your mother, be firm, stand your ground with
her - -that’s what she respects.
SAMANTHA: I certainly hope so. [Darrin proceeds into the bathroom]
DARRIN’S VOICE: You know, honey . . .first thing this morning
I have a meeting that might land me one of the biggest accounts I’ve
ever had.
SAMANTHA: Are you sure you’re up to it?
DARRIN’S VOICE: I never felt better! It’s the Bartenbach
toothpaste account and old man Bartenbach is a real bear! I’ve
been working on the presentation all week.
SAMANTHA: Are you sure you aren’t too tired? Maybe you ought
to postpone the meeting . . . .until after Halloween.
DARRIN’S VOICE: Who’s tired? I told you - - -I feel great.
[Darrin emerges from the bathroom]
SAMANTHA: Darrin . . .
DARRIN: Hmmm?
SAMANTHA: What’s that on your chin?
DARRIN: Probably nicked myself. I shaved in a hurry.
SAMANTHA: It doesn’t look like a cut. [Darrin looks in the mirror.
A small wart has popped out on his chin.]
DARRIN: Something must have bit me. Just wish me luck this morning.
SAMANTHA: Oh, I do, I do!
- Episode: The entire scene is
cut. Act I begins in Darrin’s office.
Darrin’s Office:
- Script: Darrin enters his office.
He puts his hand to his chin and feels something. He realizes that
a large wart has popped out on his chin.
- Episode: This is the first appearance
of the chin wart.
- Script:
DARRIN: Oh thank you, Larry. I’m glad you like it.
LARRY: Let’s hope Bartenbach likes it . . .and remember if he
doesn’t be ready to swing with back up ideas.
- Episode: The last half of Larry’s
line is cut and replaced with, “as much as I do”.
- Script: Bartenbach enters.
He looks like Teddy Roosevelt, all teeth.
- Episode: Bartenbach bears no
resemblance to Roosevelt.
Street –Darrin in His Car:
- Script: Darrin is pulled over
by a cop for running a red light.
DARRIN: [weakly] Hello, officer.
- Episode: Added is:
DARRIN: I guess this isn’t my lucky day.
OFFICER: I don’t suppose you get lucky very often.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
ENDORA’S VOICE: Well, Samantha . . .I see you’re still
determined to perform this treacherous folly!
SAMANTHA: Mother, don’t overdramatize - - [a]
and I want to know what you’ve been up to. [Without materializing,
Endora POPS an ornate Samovar on the table and pours herself a cup
of exotic brew.].
ENDORA’S VOICE: Durwood has a lesson to learn. He’s fortunate
to have me to teach it to him. [The coffee cup tips a final time and
returns to the saucer] [b]
SAMANTHA: Okay, Mother, let’s make an appearance and have this
out!
ENDORA’S VOICE: I refuse to be exposed to the contamination
of the . . .[She picks up a couple of masks by witchcraft] . . .prevailing
atmosphere. I enjoyed our little coffee break.[c]
- Episode: Endora is present for
the scene, but the bit with the Samovar is cut. Samantha’s line
after [a] is cut. The lines between [b]
and [c] are cut.
- Script: [Darrin enters. He
looks like a witch]
DARRIN: Endora - -I want you to know I’m fully aware that this
time I’m fully responsible for your irascible behavior. [a]
I had it all coming.
SAMANTHA: Darrin . . .
DARRIN: Don’t interrupt me, Sam. When I’ve been wrong,
I want to admit my mistake. [b] And Endora, I do
owe you an apology.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
ACT II
Darrin’s Office:
- Script:
DARRIN: [grimly] I’m sure Samantha had a good reason.
[a]
LARRY: [b] What reason? [gesturing dramatically]
What could be more important than millions of starving children?
DARRIN: Look - -whatever Samantha’s reason, she’s only
one individual and I’m sure the starving children . . .[c]
LARRY: Never mind them! What about our client? We stand to lose one
of the biggest accounts we ever had. All right, I’m sure Sam
has a good reason for what she did. I would suggest you find out what
it is and do something about it - -[d] or there is
going to be a big charity cause right here in this office.
- Episode: After [a] is
added, “I think I know what it is!” The lines between
[b] and [c], as well as the lines
after [d] are cut.
Street Scene:
- Script: [Darrin , looking very
much like Tiny Tim and wearing a cape, is surrounded by a cluster
of children Trick-or-Treating. They ring the bell, and a woman looks
out]
CHILDREN: Trick-or-Treat! Trick-or-Treat. [In the center of them Darrin
holds up his UNICEF container and smiles his toothless hag smile at
her. The woman stares in astonishment at Darrin]
LITTLE GIRL: Better watch out! It’s a real witch! [The woman
nods dumbly, staring at Darrin, absently putting all of her candy
in the children’s sacks, then gets her purse and stuffs money
into the UNICEF kitty.]
DARRIN: Happy Halloween.
- Episode: [After Darrin smiles
at the woman]
WOMAN: Who’s your big friend?
LITTLE GIRL: Better watch out! It’s a real witch! [The woman
puts one piece of candy in each sack]
WOMAN: One for you, one for you, etc. [She then does the same for
each UNICEF container]
DARRIN: Happy Halloween. The big witch thanks you.
UNICEF Office:
- Script: BARTENBACH: I’ve
come up with another great idea. [a] I can see it
now all over the country. The billboards. . .the ugly old witch with
the caption, “Don’t look like a witch, use Bartenbach
products”.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Darrin, haven’t you always said you like to base your
campaign on positive rather than negative concepts?
DARRIN: [hoping] Yes . . . [a] [Samantha makes a
gesture and is suddenly Glinda the good witch of the north]
- Episode: After [a],
Samantha has the line, “Well then, how about Glinda, the good
witch of the north?”, added.
Entry Hall:
- Script: [Darrin answers the
front door. He opens it to show Larry and Bartenbach there. As Darrin
opens the door he is ZAPPED from witch form to his normal self. Larry
and Bartenbach are both dazed, not sure of what they have seen. In
the background, Endora POPS out.
LARRY: Didn’t I just see your mother-in-law disappear?
- Episode: Darrin is changed to
his normal form before he opens the door. Larry’s line is changed
to, “Didn’t I just see Robin Hood Disappear?”
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Samantha puts her arm
through Darrin’s]
SAMANTHA: Me too! [FADE OUT]
- Episode: [Samantha and Darrin
hug and kiss before the fadeout]
#
178, A Bunny For Tabitha
TEASER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: They have. It’s called a daddy. [a] Am
I straight [indicating letters]
DARRIN: No, you’re a little . . .[he twists one shoulder higher,
showing in which direction she’s cockeyed] Samantha, are you
sure Tabitha understands that she’s got to play it cool with
all these kids in the house?
SAMANTHA: Darrin, will you stop worrying and blow up the rest of those
balloons?
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: Arthur pulls a pin
from his lapel to pop the balloons.
- Episode: Arthur uses his finger.
- Script: ARTHUR: You’ll
never get it - -Napoleon Balloon-apart.[a] [He laughs
wildly, waves and the balloons all inflate].
- Episode: [After [a]
is added:]
DARRIN: It took me an hour to blow up those balloons.
ARTHUR: What a waste of hot air.
- Script:
ARTHUR . . . . .Tabitha, your favorite uncle is here! [he POPS out]
[a]
DARRIN: [in alarm] Sam, you’re not going to let him stay for
the party?
SAMANTHA: Darrin, he’s such a dear, I just can’t hurt
his feelings.
DARRIN: What feelings?
SAMANTHA: I’m surprised at you. Don’t you realize that
underneath that brash exterior there’s just a frightened little
boy?
DARRIN: It’s one of the best disguises I’ve ever seen.
[Tabitha enters from the patio]
TABITHA: Mommy, he doesn’t like it!
SAMANTHA: Who doesn’t like what, dear?
TABITHA: Uncle Arthur’s donkey doesn’t like it when I
pin a tail on him. [A donkey’s bray is heard and a donkey sticks
his head in from the patio, followed by Arthur.]
DARRIN: You’re . . .you’re playing Pin The Tail On The
Donkey with . . .with a live donkey!
ARTHUR: What did you expect to play it with . . . .a goose? [Arthur
exits back to the patio]
DARRIN: Sam, get rid of that goose . . .uh . . .uh . . .donkey.
SAMANTHA: [urgently] I will, I will.
DARRIN: And while you’re at it, get rid of Arthur [low] Sam,
if he stays, we’re bound to have a disaster!
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, believe me, at a children’s birthday party,
a disaster won’t even be noticed. [Samantha giggles, Darrin
glares]
- Episode: After [a]
the entire scene is cut.
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room intercut with Larry’s Office:
- Script:
DARRIN: [on phone] . . .Can’t you stall him until tomorrow?
[a]
LARRY: [on phone] He’s leaving for his hunting lodge in the
Berkshires tomorrow.
DARRIN: You can handle it.
LARRY: Sure, but it is your account. Can’t you just drop into
the office for the meeting? It won’t take more than fifteen
minutes.
DARRIN: And what about the two hours it will take to drive there and
back?
LARRY: Here’s a novel idea. Pack the kids in the car and have
the birthday party on the way.
DARRIN: Shall I just pretend I didn’t hear that?
LARRY: [deflated] Why don’t you?
DARRIN: Good-bye, Larry. [he hangs up]
- Episode: All lines after
[a] are cut.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script: [Tabitha holds her wish
box]
TABITHA: Let’s see . . . what do I want?
ARTHUR: Sammy, what do you say we give the kids a special treat?
SAMANTHA: What did you have in mind?
ARTHUR: I don’t know . . .for openers, I could turn each of
them into an animal of their choice.
TABITHA: Oh, they’d love that!
SAMANTHA: Yes, but I’m afraid we both know somebody who wouldn’t
love it at all.
- Episode: The above scene is
completely cut. The episode scene opens with Arthur asking about doing
some magic tricks.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: SAMANTHA: . . .Robert,
it isn’t nice to punch Mary Ann in the stomach.
- Episode: “Mary Ann”
is changed to “Annabelle”.
Stephens’ Den intercut with Larry’s outer office:
- Script: [Darrin and Larry talk
to each other on the phone]
LARRY: Apparently his girlfriend dumped him and he’s miserable.
[a] Darrin I can feel this guy slipping through my
fingers. Please - -can’t you get away and come down?
DARRIN: Larry, I can’t possibly leave. [looking nervously o.s.]
Especially right now. [b] Why don’t you take
him out and buy him a drink?
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Arthur has just finished
his ring trick]
ARTHUR: Now for my famous “Wish-a-Drink” trick. [He plucks
a glass and pitcher out of the air. The children applaud wildly.]
Will you cut that out!!!!! I’ll tell you when to applaud. [holding
pitcher upside down] As you can see this vessel is completely empty,
am I right?
ALL BUT ONE: Yes!!
ROBERT: No!
ARTHUR: There’s one in every crowd. [to Robert] What makes you
say this isn’t empty?
ROBERT: It’s a trick pitcher. It’s got a fake bottom.
[Arthur looks at him sourly]
ARTHUR: Okay, forget the water trick!
- Episode: This scene is cut.
The episode continues with the arrival of Larry and Mr. Sylvester,
and goes on into Arthur’s rabbit trick.
- Script: [Spell to make the
bunny go away]
ARTHUR:
Close your fingers and cross your eyes,
Get ready for the next surprise,
Bats in the belfry, Pigs in a poke,
Lose this bunny before I choke.
- Episode: [The spell is modified
to]
Close your fingers and cross your eyes,
Get ready for a new surprise,
Bats in the belfry, Pigs in a poke,
Lose this bunny before I choke.
ACT II
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
ARTHUR: . . .She’s not a playboy bunny. It’s Tabitha’s
rabbit.
SAMANTHA: [glumly] Terrific.
- Episode:
ARTHUR: . . .She’s not a playboy bunny. She’s Tabitha’s
rabbit.
SAMANTHA: I don’t care what it is. Just change it back into
what it was.
ARTHUR: Don’t get shook, Sammy, but there is something wrong
with my powers.
SAMANTHA: Terrific.
- Script:
SYLVESTER: May I ask how long you’re going to be staying?
BUNNY: [vaguely] I don’t know. [a]
SAMANTHA: That . . .depends on Uncle Arthur. [needling] Right, Uncle
Arthur?
ARTHUR: [low] You sure know how to hurt a magician.
SYLVESTER: [to Bunny] I hope I have a chance to see more of you. [suddenly
aware of the double-entendre] I mean . . . .see you again.
BUNNY: Oh, I hope so, too.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: LARRY: Will you stop
with the layouts? [a] The man’s carrying a
torch. Let him enjoy himself. You’d be surprised how much more
receptive he’ll be.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
Stephens’ Dining Room:
- Script: ARTHUR: . . .This party’s
taken more out of me than a game of elephant polo. [he exits].
- Episode: [Added is]: SAMANTHA:
Okay, whose the wise guy who dropped ice cream on my foot?
Cocktail Lounge:
- Script: [A drunk is at the bar.
He sees Samantha and Arthur POP in. He reacts]
- Episode: [The Drunk gets up
to leave. He sees Samantha and Arthur POP in]
DRUNK: [turning back to the bar] Another double, Charlie.
- Script: SAMANTHA: Well, I went
up to Larry, put my left hand on his right shoulder and spoke the
magic words.
- Episode: SAMANTHA: . . . .I
put my right hand on his right shoulder . . .[she uses her right hand]
- Script: ARTHUR: Is that any
way to talk to an uncle? [Samantha twitches and Arthur POPS in, perched
on the back of the booth.]
- Episode: [Added is]:
DRUNK: Thanks, Charlie.[Samantha and Arthur POP out. The drunk has
again turned to start out, sees them POP out, turns back to the bar]
Another double, Charlie.
- Script: [Samantha and Arthur
stand on the back of the booth, in miniature form. They are not visible
to the others]
SYLVESTER: Maybe we should have told them we were leaving.
BUNNY: Oh, I’m sure they won’t even notice that we are
gone.
SAMANTHA: [sarcastically to Arthur] Can’t you take her out of
her misery?
ARTHUR: I’m trying! I’m trying! I’m just off my
feed today.
- Episode: The entire above bit
is cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Really, Uncle Arthur, you have no sense of moral responsibility.
[a]
ARTHUR: [indignant] That’s a fine way to talk after all I’ve
done for you.
SAMANTHA: You don’t mean FOR me, you mean TO me.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: [Arthur POPS out. Samantha
twitches and fades into solid visible form]
SAMANTHA: [to Sylvester] Well, hello there!
- Episode: [Arthur POPS out. Samantha
POPS from the booth to full size in the entry. The drunk is again
preparing to leave]
DRUNK: See ya, Charlie. [He sees Samantha POP in, reacts, turns back
to the bar] Call me a cab, Charlie.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: [Samantha and Bunny
have brought dishes from the dining room]
SAMANTHA: You can’t do it, you know. Sooner or later - - -and
I think it’ll be sooner - -you’re going to be your old
self again.
BUNNY: I don’t care! It’ll be fun while it lasts!
- Episode: The scene is cut.
Stephens’ Dining Room:
- Script:
SYLVESTER: What a temper! [a]
DARRIN: Maybe it’s better to find out about it now.
[b]
LARRY: I’ve never seen anyone so furious. [c]
SAMANTHA: Yes. You might even say she was . . .rabid. [d]
Oh, I completely forgot about the dessert. Anyone for carrot pie?
[e]
- Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. The line between [c]
and [d] is given to Darrin and changed to: “Yes.
You might even say she was hopping mad”. After [e]
is added: “ String bean sundae?”
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
ARTHUR: Ice to see you again.
DARRIN: [disgusted] Oh, brother.
SAMANTHA: [a] Uncle Arthur, this is no time for jokes.
[b] and you better get out of there before you kick the bucket.
- Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut.
- Script:
ARTHUR: . . . .went to Doctor Bombay. Got a recharge
DARRIN: That quack?
- Episode:
ARTHUR: . . .went to Doctor Bombay. Got a recharge right in my . .
. .
DARRIN: Will you spare us the details!
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script: SAMANTHA: It’s
not his fault dear. You know how fast rabbits multiply. [a][Darrin
sinks into a chair, bows his head and holds up his glass for a refill.
Samantha and Arthur laugh together hysterically. They stifle their
laughter as Samantha goes to fix Darrin another drink.]
- Episode: After [a],
Samantha and Arthur break into hysterical laughter. Darrin does not
sit down. He hands his drink to Samantha who gives it to Arthur. Samantha
and Arthur continue their riotous laughter into the FADE OUT.
#
180, Daddy Comes to Visit
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Script: Maurice has registered
Adam at the Warlock's Club. Samantha asks, "At the age of five weeks?"
- Episode: Samantha asks, "At
the age of ten weeks?” Note: Throughout the episode, where Samantha
says, "ten weeks," the script calls for "five weeks".
- Script: After Maurice gives
Darrin the watch, and Darrin refuses it, the script has lines where
Maurice tells Darrin that he can use the watch just to tell time,
and then commands him to take it. Darrin refuses to take the watch
as a timepiece only, and refutes Maurice's command.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: Maurice turns Darrin
into a St. Bernard.
- Episode: Maurice turns Darrin
into a Rottweiler and a bit is added where Samantha feeds the dog.
End of Teaser
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Episode: A line is added where
Maurice again asks Darrin to take the watch.
- Script: After Maurice says,
"Why don't we meet half way", Darrin asks, "Half way to where?" to
which Maurice replies that once Darrin gets used to the unlimited
power, he won't want to be without it.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: Maurice says Darrin's
powers start tomorrow morning.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: After Darrin says,
"listen to the traffic bulletins," he tells Maurice that he has certain
principles to live by, and Maurice replies that he doesn't have to
live at all.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Kitchen (later):
- Script: After Maurice says,
"Bite your tongue!" Samantha says it would certainly make his (Adam)
home life easier. Maurice speaks about the never-ending conflicts
with Darrin and that he is glad that Darrin accepted the watch. Samantha
replies that he only did it to keep from spending the rest of his
life wagging his tail.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: The conversation between
Samantha and Maurice continues with Maurice bringing up what happens
if someone's life is in danger, and that if there is only a little
chink in Darrin's armor, he'll be defenseless. Samantha defends Darrin,
finally asking Maurice why he treats Darrin as an opponent.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: Samantha tells Maurice
he is setting the father-in-law business back a hundred years, and
Maurice pops out.
- Episode: Maurice pops out before
the line.
Chinese Restaurant:
- Script: At the end of the "Quicksilver"
speech, after the line "--Sparkle of a star", the script calls for:
"For twenty-four hours you will obey my will and indulge in the use
of my gift".
- Episode: The lines are changed
to: " Go to that board meeting, listen and learn, and once you have
tasted the forbidden fruit, you'll love it." View
this Spell in Spellbound!
Stephens' Nursery:
- Script: After Darrin leaves
the restaurant, but before the boardroom scene is shown, there is
a long dialog between Maurice and Samantha. Maurice notes that Darrin
is good company, that they had lunch together, that Darrin is very
good at what he does, and will become even better with the use of
witchcraft. Samantha, not knowing Maurice has put a spell on Darrin
to get him to use witchcraft, does not totally understand the situation.
- Episode: Omitted.
Darrin's Office:
- Script: After Darrin tells Larry
that he is never wrong; Larry informs Darrin that he has invited Bliss,
Jr. to dinner at Darrin's house because the campaign is Darrin's idea.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Reference is again made
to the baby being five-weeks old.
- Episode: The baby is ten-weeks
old.
# 181,
Darrin, the Warlock
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Script: Maurice asks the baby
if a man of unlimited power would like a fancy breakfast. After the
baby gurgles, Maurice remarks that the baby agrees with him.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Kitchen (scene on refrigerator):
- Script: Repeats Darrin's lines
from # 180 script about driving to work and having
principles to live by. Also repeats Maurice's lines about trying his
patience, and Darrin not having to live.
- Episode: Cut to only what was
aired in # 180.
- Script: The scene in the boardroom
where Darrin finds out about Bliss's preference is shown on the refrigerator.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Dining Room:
- Script: Maurice has lines about
work, nose to the grindstone, both feet on the ground, no wonder mortals
can't fly.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: After Maurice has Darrin
zap up breakfast, Samantha picks up the baby and has a line about
him being too young for this.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Entry:
- Episode: After Darrin leaves
for work Maurice says that he feels closer to "Darrin." Samantha comments
on his finally getting it right.
- Script: The phone rings. Maurice
answers it, saying, "Maurice, father of Samantha, here." It is one
of these "When was the revolutionary war fought?" questions that if
you get the answer right you win free dancing lessons. Maurice has
to ask which war? Samantha returns with Tabitha, who wants to know
what Maurice has brought her. Maurice zaps up a "Gloria Gladrags"
doll, complete with wardrobe, for Tabitha. The problem is that the
doll is a beautiful, alive, life-sized girl wearing a bikini. Samantha
reminds Maurice that the doll is for Tabitha, not him. He zaps it
to a doll-sized doll.
- Episode: Omitted.
Darrin's Office:
- Script: Darrin makes a window
open, and then sends a book back to the shelf. As Larry enters, Darrin
freezes the book in space for a moment before sending it the rest
of the way.
- Episode: Darrin does not open
a window, but calls a book to him. When he returns the book, he does
not stop it.
- Script: The lines about the
Bliss's coming to dinner at the Stephens's house that were cut from
# 180 are inserted here.
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: After Larry leaves,
Darrin pops home. As soon as Darrin is gone, Larry reenters and wonders
where Darrin is.
- Episode: Larry does not reenter.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: After Darrin scares
Samantha by popping in, there is a long conversation about Samantha
having to do without, that she doesn't have a mink coat, that Darrin
is tired of the one-sided battle against witchcraft ("It's like trying
to put out the Chicago fire with a bottle of pop..."), and that it
is not unusual for fathers to want the best for their daughters.
- Episode: All but the first few
lines are omitted.
Darrin's Office:
- Episode: After Darrin repeats
Larry's line, "Wedding - like in marriage," the episode adds Darrin
hearing Samantha's voice asking what happened to the mortal she said
love, honor, and no witchcraft to, that she enjoys taking care of
her family in the mortal way, and that if she didn't like things the
way they are she wouldn't be here.
Bar:
- Script: Darrin and his buddy,
Dave, have a drink and are talking. Both have one-sided conversations,
not paying any attention to the other. Dave prates on about how he
knows what marriage is because he is a bachelor. Darrin talks about
how Samantha could have anything she wants, but accepts only what
he can give her because she loves him; that how he has changed, not
her; how Maurice can keep his miracles, he and Samantha will earn
what they have.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Darrin enters carrying
five pizza boxes. The conversation about dinner centers about pizza
for dinner.
- Episode: Darrin does not bring
pizza home. He tells Samantha to take chicken potpies out of the freezer.
All script references to pizza become references to potpies.
- Script: Darrin hands Maurice
the watch back. There is then a long conversation about what has been
done to Darrin, that he loves Samantha, and they are going to live
their lives their way. Maurice throws a temper fit, moving around
the room breaking things and throwing books off the shelves. Darrin
says that he is not going to use the information he got at the board
meeting, and he is going back to his original ideas, and no more zapping
fancy meals or any other stuff.
- Episode: The scene where Maurice
throws a fit is moved to after the Bliss's leave and Darrin hands
him the watch back for the second time. The rest of the scene is cut.
Maurice does leave the watch saying Darrin can do with it as he pleases.
- Script: After Bliss leaves,
Samantha tells Maurice that she and Darrin like living the mortal
way. Maurice has a sarcastic comment about not having a martyr in
the family since Salem. Darrin tells Maurice that he has no need for
magic; Samantha is all the magic he needs. Maurice doesn't believe
what he hears, and asks Samantha if Darrin is really a warlock. Samantha
prods Maurice into admitting that he put a spell on Darrin to get
him to try the watch, after which Samantha tells Maurice that their
love is stronger than magic.
- Episode: This section of the
script is completely rewritten. After Darrin hands Maurice back the
watch, Maurice tells him, "You have completely shattered my faith
in mortal behavior." Shortly after this, the temper scene is added.
Stephens' Roof (post trailer):
- Script: Maurice stands next
to the chimney. He looks at the audience and his line is, "Yes, his
genius...with a little help from his warlock father-in-law."
- Episode: As with most trailer
scenes where the character speaks to the audience, this scene is cut.
#
183, You’re So Agreeable
TEASER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: SAMANTHA: Darrin, I
know she is a bit difficult. All right, she’s impossible.
- Episode: The second line is
changed to “All right, she’s a lot difficult”.
- Script: [a note floats down]
SAMANTHA: [reading] Advance notice. I am coming.
- Episode: SAMANTHA: Advance notice.
I am barging.
- Script:
ENDORA: That does it. Now he’s saying I’m too decrepit
to stand. [a]
DARRIN: I was merely applying the theory that you can catch more flies
with honey...
ENDORA: [interrupting] Now he’s calling me a fly.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: ENDORA: . . .I’ll
zap him into such an agreeable state, he’ll be utterly sickening.
[a] [She laughs wildly, looking into a mirror] You’re
not only beautiful, charming, witty and wise - -you’re the living
End . . . .dora!!
- Episode: The lines after
[a] are cut.
- Script: This is the end of
the script TEASER. ACT I begins in the Entry with Darrin getting ready
to leave.
- Episode: The TEASER continues
through the scene where Darrin exits through the back door after Endora
has put the agreeable spell on him.
ACT I [Episode]
Stephens’ House:
- Script: [Gladys accosts Darrin
as he is leaving].
DARRIN: Oh, I agree. Where do I sign? [a]
GLADYS: I wanted to ask for umbrellas over the benches, too, but the
rest of the committee felt it was too much.
DARRIN: Well, I don’t.
GLADYS: You don’t?
DARRIN: No, why not protect both ends? [b]
GLADYS: Would you be interested in circulating one of these petitions?
DARRIN: I’d love to. [c]
GLADYS: I’ll drop one at your house. You know, you’d make
a very good committee member.
DARRIN: Yes, I would.
GLADYS: You mean I can propose you?
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut as well as the lines after [c].
Larry’s Office:
- Script:
SHOTWELL: Apparently there’s one thing you weren’t told
about me, Stephens. I don’t like yes men. [a]
DARRIN: I’m well aware of that, sir, and I happen to share that
feeling.
LARRY: I can vouch for that. If anything, Stephens tends to be too
frank.
SHOTWELL: Well, one extreme is as bad as the other.
DARRIN: I agree, and that’s why I never go to extremes.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
DARRIN: Yes, I completely agree with Mr. Tate.
SHOTWELL: Well, I don’t.
DARRIN: You’re absolutely right.
SHOTWELL: [stunned] What? [a]
DARRIN: [forthright] When I say I completely agree with Mr. Tate,
that doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t agree with
you.
LARRY: [sweating] That does sound a little contradictory, Darrin.
DARRIN: Oh, I agree. It is contradictory.
SHOTWELL: Would you mind explaining that?
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
ACT II
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Then, actually, Larry’s just as much to blame as you
are, isn’t he?
DARRIN: You’re right! [a]
SAMANTHA: [reflectively] Well, I’m sure he’ll calm down
and call you. He always does. But just the same, I want to suggest
something. And dear, if you disagree with what I’m going to
say, I’ll forget it.
DARRIN: Oh, I won’t disagree! What is it? [b]
SAMANTHA: Maybe it’s time you made a change.
DARRIN: I agree! What kind of a change?
SAMANTHA: I’m talking about changing jobs, what else?
DARRIN: Of course. [c]
SAMANTHA: I know how close you and Larry are, but maybe that’s
the trouble. If you weren’t friends, he wouldn’t be treating
you like a yo-yo. [d]
DARRIN: [rising, enthusiastically] Sam, you’re absolutely right!
As a matter of fact, I happen to know where there’s an opening
- - -Stone, Fraser, Moreheim, Cooper and Washburn.
SAMANTHA: They don’t sound as if they have room for anyone else.
DARRIN: It’s one of the top outfits in the country. [e]
SAMANTHA: Are you going to give them a call?
DARRIN: Sam, that’s not the way it’s done. You have to
casually let it be known in the right circles that you might be available
for the right kind of offer. Then you wait for them to call you.
SAMANTHA: I see. What do you do if they don’t call?
DARRIN: [reflecting] Good point.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut, as are the lines between [c]
and [d], and those following [e].
Office Corridor:
- Script:
WASHBURN: Tell him I’ve left for lunch. I’ll call him
later.
SECRETARY: Yes, sir. [a] [Samantha twitches in the
secretaries’ direction].
WASHBURN: [to secretary] Anything else? [b]
SECRETARY: Yes. Where will you be lunching?
WASHBURN: The usual place. [c] [Not getting the answer
she wants, Samantha twitches again]
SECRETARY: Of course. That’s the . . .what’s the name
of that place again?
WASHBURN: It’s the same restaurant I’ve been eating at
for the past five years. What’s the matter with you, Miss Wiley?
SECRETARY: I…don’t know. [d] [Samantha
throws another twitch]
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut, as are the lines between [c]
and [d].
Elevator:
- Script:
OPERATOR: Please step back and watch your Darrin Stephens.
WASHBURN: [to Johnson] What’d he say?
JOHNSON: Step back and watch the doors.
WASHBURN: Nothing. [a] Got the list of people we’re
considering for the vacancy?
JOHNSON: [patting his pocket] Right here. [b]
OPERATOR: First floor, please watch your Darrin Stephens. [again Washburn
reacts]
WASHBURN: [to operator] What did you say?
OPERATOR: I said, “First floor, please watch your step”.
- Episode: The lines before [a]
are cut, as are the lines after [b].
Lobby:
- Script:
WASHBURN: Let’s eat someplace where we can get a drink.
JOHNSON: Seriously? You never drink at lunch.
WASHBURN: Well, I’m starting today.
JOHNSON: Okay. How about the Blue Boar?
WASHBURN: Is it far? [Samantha twitches]
JOHNSON: It’s right on the corner of Darrin and Seventh.
WASHBURN: On the corner of what?
JOHNSON: Market and Stephens..
WASHBURN: Let’s hurry. [They exit. Samantha POPS out]
- Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: You know what I mean! You put a spell on him to make him
agree with anything and everybody.
ENDORA: And you object? [a] I’m sure Durwood
doesn’t, do you.
DARRIN: No, anything you do is all right with me, Endora.[wincing]
Ooh, that one hurt.
ENDORA: It means the spell is wearing off anyway. Next time don’t
brag so much about how agreeable he is.
- Episode: All lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
LARRY: Well, to be perfectly frank . . .yes.
DARRIN: Well, well, well! [a] [to Samantha] I knew
he wouldn’t come crawling without a reason.
LARRY: I’m not crawling. I’m being as polite as I can.
DARRIN: How little you know how.
SAMANTHA: Larry, he’s upset and he really doesn’t mean
what he’s saying.
- Episode: The lines after
[a] are cut.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: [to Gladys] When did I do that? [a]
GLADYS: This afternoon! There are ten women sitting in my living room
right now. And I’ve got coffee and sandwiches for fifteen, just
in case.
DARRIN: I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can make it.
GLADYS: [hysterically] What do you mean you can’t? When I asked
you this afternoon, you agreed .
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
#
185, Samantha’s Better Halves
REVIEWER’S NOTE: This is the first episode filmed featuring
Dick Sargent as Darrin. However, it was not considered to be satisfactory
as his introductory episode, so it was held for later use. The original
script has the entire episode taking place one month before Adam was
born. Since the episode was aired 10 weeks after Adam’s birth,
the original episode had to be altered. This was done by rewriting and
re-filming the TEASER and TRAILER to be set at a time after Adam’s
birth and using ACTS I & II as they were originally filmed, but
treating them as a flashback to one month before Adam was born. Note
that only three characters appear in the remade TEASER and TRAILER,
and only the Living Room set is used. This is similar to the technique
used in the remakes of Episodes #’s 14
and 15.
TEASER
Stephens’ Bedroom:
- Script: The scene opens in the
Stephens’ Bedroom, a month before the new baby is due, with
Darrin going through Samantha’s closet, selecting clothing,
and putting items in a suitcase. Samantha enters, asks what is going
on. Darrin replies that he is getting prepared in case the baby comes
early, as Tabitha did. Samantha agrees to pack the bag. Darrin finally
admits he is overdoing it, and then announces he has to go to the
office to meet with the head of a big Japanese electronics firm -
- -if they land the account, Darrin gets a big bonus. Endora POPS
in.
ENDORA: Good morning, Samantha.
SAMANTHA: Hi, Mother. Where did you come from?
ENDORA: I’ve been in a holding pattern waiting for Durwood to
leave . . .the doting bore.
SAMANTHA: [smiles proudly] I’ll have you know I’m in love
with a sweet charming and considerate man.
ENDORA: Well, I hope your husband doesn’t find out.
The scene shifts to Larry’s Office where Larry and Darrin are
meeting with Mr. Toshiro Tenaka, Head of Tenaka Enterprises, a gigantic
electronics corporation. Mr. Tenaka is favorably impressed by Darrin’s
presentation, but wants to take it with him to Japan to study. He
does not like to make quick decisions, and for personal reasons, he
must return to Tokyo on the five o’clock plane. He suggests
that if Darrin came with him to answer questions, it might make things
easier. Larry says Darrin will go. Darrin says he will not.
Mr. Tenaka departs. The argument between Darrin and Larry over whether
or not Darrin will go to Tokyo continues, and becomes very heated.
Finally, Larry threatens to fire Darrin if he does not go.
- Episode: Samantha and Darrin
are in their Living Room discussing plans for a trip to Bermuda. Samantha
feels Larry will try to do something to spoil their vacation. Sure
enough, Larry arrives, bearing a portable bar as a gift. He also begins
a song and dance about Louise being sick and needing him, but he has
to go to Chicago the next day since Darrin will be on his way to Bermuda.
Larry gets as far as suggesting that Darrin could go to Bermuda by
way of Chicago, so he could stay home with Louise. Samantha puts her
foot down firmly on that one, and Larry finally leaves. Samantha says
that he will be back, that Larry does not want to go to Chicago, and
he won’t give up after just one try. Samantha and Darrin then
talk about Darrin being in two places at once, and remember the time
Endora split Darrin into his work self and his fun self so he could
be in two places at once. This leads into a fade out and the flashback
of the original episode.
SCRIPT ACT I
Stephens’ Dining Room:
- Script: [Samantha is seated
at the table, finishing off a baby sweater she is knitting. Endora
is next to her]
SAMANTHA: Finished! Cute huh?. Only took me a week.
ENDORA: Allow me to provide the matching cap and booties. [she ZAPS
up the articles] Cute huh? And it only took me a second.
SAMANTHA: Mother, any witch can do that. But how many witches can
knit it themselves?
ENDORA: How many would want to?
SAMANTHA: I want to. And the cap and booties are going to be made
the same way the sweater was.
DARRIN’S VOICE: Honey, I’m home.
SAMANTHA: [surprised] Darrin. Quick, get rid of those.
ENDORA: Oh, well. . . .. easy come, easy go.
DARRIN: Hi, honey. How are you feeling?
SAMANTHA: Just fine, Sweetheart.
ENDORA: I’m fine too.
DARRIN: Hello, Endora, how nice to see you.
ENDORA: You certainly know how to make a person feel right at home.
Have you ever thought of getting a job on the Welcome Wagon?
SAMANTHA: Darrin, I didn’t know you were coming home for lunch,
and I haven’t a thing ready.
DARRIN: Well, actually I didn’t come home for lunch. I came
home to pack.
SAMANTHA: We’re not going to go through that whole hospital
routine again, are we?
DARRIN: No, no . . .Excuse us Endora. [He leads Samantha into the
Living Room].
- Episode: The entire above scene
is cut.
Stephens’ Living room:
- Script:
DARRIN: I don’t know how to tell you this, but I have to fly
to Japan this afternoon.
SAMANTHA: To Japan???
DARRIN: Just for a few days. [a]
ENDORA: And only this morning he didn’t want to leave you to
go to the office. What a difference a few hours make.
SAMANTHA: Mother, please keep your asides aside.
DARRIN: You don’t want me to go.
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, don’t jump to conclusions. It just came
as kind of a shock.
DARRIN: It came as quite a shock to me too, but, it is a big account
and Larry’s making it impossible for me to say no.
SAMANTHA: You mean, today Japan, tomorrow the world.
DARRIN: Larry’s words exactly. Sam, I did everything I could
do to get out of it. I reasoned, I argued, I . . .
ENDORA: You did everything but refuse. [b]
DARRIN: I did that too. It was no use. Either I go or I look for another
job.
- Episode: Everything between
[a] and [b] is cut. At [b]
the following is inserted:
DARRIN: I couldn’t refuse, Sam. Mr. Tenaka, President of Tenaka
Enterprises is going back to Japan today. If I go back with him we
can go over the layouts, and it might clinch the deal.
EPISODE ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [The business Darrin,
identified in the script as Darrin 1, comes down the stairs]
ENDORA: Don’t tell me . . .let me guess. You’re off to
Japan.
DARRIN 1: I’m almost late for my plane. Where’s Sam?
ENDORA: On the patio. But why don’t you just go. I’ll
say good-bye for you.
DARRIN 1: I’ll say it myself, if you don’t mind.
- Episode: The above is cut.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script:
DARRIN 1: Sweetheart, I’ve got to run or I’ll miss my
plane. [a]
SAMANTHA: Oh, you decided to go?[b]
DARRIN 1: I’ll miss you honey, but business is business. [c]
SAMANTHA: Say good-bye to daddy, Tabitha. He’s going to Japan.
TABITHA: Good-bye, daddy, bring me back some chopsticks.
DARRIN:1: I will, Sweetheart.
- Episode: At [a]
is added: SAMANTHA: What Plane? At [b] is added:
DARRIN 1: I’m flying to Tokyo. The lines after [c]
are cut.
Airplane Interior:
- Script:
STEWARDESS: May I offer you a drink, gentlemen? [to Tenaka] Anything
for you, sir?
TENAKA: Yes, my dear. I’d like a scotch and soda.
STEWARDESS: Certainly sir.
- Episode: When the scene opens,
Tenaka has a drink. The lines are cut.
ACT II
Tenaka’s Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN 1: I have a campaign device in mind to show the consumer the
growing importance of electronics in his daily life.[a]
TENAKA: Mr. Stephens, would you mind taking your plate from my wife.
- Episode: At [a] is
added: “Now to the average person, they feel electronics is
just something beyond their intelligence. What I plan to accomplish
is to humanize, so to speak...”
- Script:
DARRIN 1: That’s cute! [a] Now on page seven
you’ll notice your Japanese sales of the current fiscal year
as compared with your American sales for the same year. - -On page
nine, you’ll notice . . .
TENAKE: Mr. Stephens, you’ll notice . . .dinner is served.
DARRIN 1: Oh . . .
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: [after dinner] TENAKA:
[to his wife] Here, dear. Let me help you with that - - -
- Episode: Before Tenaka’s
line, the following lines for Darrin 1 are inserted:
DARRIN 1: Thank you, Mrs. Tanaka, for a very delicious dinner. Now,
lets get back to business.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: Endora’s spell
to reverse Darrin 1 and 2’s locations:
Saphires [script spelling] and Sirloins
And all things rare;
Take the Durwood that’s here
And send him there.
- Episode: The first line is reversed
to “Sirloins and Sapphires”.
Tenaka Living Room:
- Script:
TENAKA: . . . .I’m glad you had time to change into something
more comfortable [a] [he spots golf clubs] Mr. Stephens,
I admit I said you should play more, but in Japan, golf is not an
after dinner game.
DARRIN 2: I have a feeling a game is being played that has nothing
to do with golf.
TENAKA: I have the same feeling [b] May I ask where
you got those golf clubs and how you changed so quickly? [c]
DARRIN 2: Well, there’s a lot more for you to learn about our
Western culture.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut as is the line after [c]
which is replaced with:
DARRIN 2: Clubs . . .well, they’re . . I got the clubs at a
little pro shop where I play - -golf. . Change . . .I’ve always
liked to change . . . after all, the world is changing. Nice place
you have here. Very oriental.
INTERCUT to Stephens’ Living Room: [Darrin 1 POPS in]:
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, calm down.
DARRIN 1: Calm down? Calm down? When Madam LaFarge of the broomstick
set zaps me back from Tokyo when I’m right in the middle of
a big business deal.
SAMANTHA: Mother. Let’s not upset Mother.
DARRIN 1: Upset her? What about the shock Tenaka’s going to
get when he . . .
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Mother, is he going to remember any of this?
ENDORA: Not a thing.
DARRIN 1: Not to mention the shock Larry is going to get . . .
SAMANTHA: Quiet!!! All right, Mother, it’s ZAP it to him time.
- Script: [Tenaka Living Room]
TENAKA: . . . .Now would you like me to drive you to the airport?
DARRIN 2: I certainly would. I’m sure my wife needs me desperately.
TENAKA: I’ll get the keys.
- Episode: [The scene shifts to
the Stephens’ Living Room] Added is:
ENDORA:
Enough of two Dumb-Dumb’s. Put them as before,
One Durwood, the big crashing bore!
SAMANTHA: Mother, I asked for an incantation, not a
review.
- Script:
DARRIN 1: Samantha, how could you let her do this to me!
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, mother just was trying to help. She thought
if she divided the work Darrin and the Domestic Darrin, she’d
be doing us a favor. You see, you went to Japan, but you also stayed
here.
ENDORA: There was simply no getting rid of you.
DARRIN 1: That’s not what I’m talking about. What I meant
is how dare zap me away from Japan when I’m in the middle of
making a big business deal.
ENDORA: Is there some sort of button you can push to turn him off?
SAMANTHA: Mother, just put them together.
ENDORA: Well . . .the fun’s over. [incanting]
Doting Durwood in the land
Of the rising sun;
Join up with sourpuss
So you two can be one.
[Darrin 2 POPS in with his golf bag]
ENDORA: Well there they are. Two for the price of one.
DARRIN: 2: Endora, I demand an explanation
SAMANTHA: What’s that?
ENDORA: Well, they both stand at opposite ends of the room and they
. . . .they run into each other.
SAMANTHA: Okay, fellas.
DARRIN 1: You’re darn right I’m not too crazy about it
of this.
SAMANTHA: Okay fellas, hop to it. [a beat and they run as fast as
they can at each other. As they collide, they both disappear, and
Darrin, in his business suit but wearing some of his golf clothing
and with his golf clubs is standing there.]
SAMANTHA: Darrin, Sweetheart, speak to me.
DARRIN: [dazed] Hi, Sam, gee it’s nice to see you.
SAMANTHA: Thank you, Mother. He’s normal again.
ENDORA: That, my girl, is a matter of opinion. [she POPS out]
SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] Never mind her.
DARRIN: Sam what happened? Why am I dressed like this?
- Episode: The entire above scene
is cut and replaced with:
[Darrin has POPPED in, wearing both part of his business suit and
part of his golf clothes]
DARRIN: Why am I dressed like this? Sam, what’s going on?
SAMANTHA: It’s rather hard to explain.
DARRIN: I have a feeling it’s the work of your mother, the wicked
witch . . .
ENDORA: Uh..uh..uh
SAMANTHA: There, you see, Mother, he’s back to normal.
ENDORA: A matter of opinion. [she POPS out]
SAMANTHA: Never mind her.
DARRIN: Okay, Sam. Out with it.
SAMANTHA: Yesterday when you couldn’t decide . .
DARRIN: Wait a minute. I think I’ll make a drink.
SAMANTHA: That’s a good idea. . . .there isn’t any ice.
DARRIN: I don’t think I’ll need any ice.
SAMANTHA: Well, yesterday, when you couldn’t make up your mind
whether to go to Japan or not . . .
SCRIPT TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Darrin comes down the
stairs, yawning]
DARRIN: Good morning, Sweetheart.
SAMANTHA: Correction. Good afternoon. It’s four o’clock.
You’re still suffering from the international dateline.
DARRIN: Honey, why did you let me sleep this late? On second thought,
why not. Tenaka’s probably talked to Larry by now which means
I’m out of a job.
SAMANTHA: Larry called, he’s coming over.
DARRIN: Probably to give me my severance pay.
SAMANTHA: I don’t think so. He sounded very cheerful on the
phone.
DARRIN: That would make him cheerful. [the doorbell rings] I’ll
get it. [It is Larry; he enters and playfully gives Darrin a punch
on the arm]
LARRY: You old son-of-a-gun.
DARRIN: Let’s make it short and sweet, Larry. I hate long good-byes.
LARRY: I’ve got a little something for you.
DARRIN: I was right. It is my severance pay.
LARRY: You might call it severance pay. I call it a bonus.
SAMANTHA: Darrin, you got the account!!.
LARRY: And the way you got it.
DARRIN: Yeah, you wouldn’t believe it.
LARRY: Just brilliant, that’s all.
DARRIN: Brilliant?
LARRY: Of course, when you saw that Mrs. Tenaka was pregnant and zeroed
in on the one thing that matters to Tenaka. A man’s feelings
about his wife. Then you put on the big act about rushing back to
Sam, cleverly leaving behind your portfolio . . .
DARRIN: Larry, let’s get this straight. I came home because
I wanted to be with Samantha. It had nothing to do with the account.
LARRY: Sure, sure. You know what Tenaka said about you. He said, “That
a man puts his values where they belong, although it almost pulled
him apart, trying”.
SAMANTHA: In a manner of speaking, it did pull him apart. [Samantha
and Darrin exchange smiles as Larry looks on, confused].
EPISODE TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Episode: Samantha and Darrin
are sitting on the sofa discussing Darrin’s split trip to Japan.
Samantha opines that Endora thought she was doing Darrin a favor by
splitting him in half. Darrin is of the opinion that if Endora really
had his best interests at heart she would migrate to another planet.
The conversation shifts to Larry trying again to con Darrin into going
to Chicago. Samantha is sure he will try. She says that Larry will
not give up after only one little try, that he is made of sterner
stuff than that. The doorbell rings. Darrin answers, and it is Larry,
bent over holding his back. Larry says he can’t straighten up,
an old football injury has come back and he is on his way to the hospital,
and Darrin will have to go to Chicago. Darrin starts to object when
Samantha suddenly takes Larry’s side saying she and Darrin will
go to Chicago, that Larry must think of his health. Samantha’s
statements are loaded with sarcasm that Larry is to dense to catch
on to. With Larry’s attention diverted back to Darrin, Samantha
ZAPS up a vampire bat, yells that “there it is again; cover
your head”. Larry straightens and uses his hands to cover his
head. Darrin tells Larry that he can uncover and stoop over again.
Realizing he is caught, Larry leaves with as much dignity as he can
muster with a parting comment of: “Just be sure you take good
care of that portable bar I lent you”.
The scene ends with Samantha heading for the stairs with the line:
“Last one finished packing is a rotten egg”.
#
187, The Phrase Is Familiar
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Script: As Professor Phipps
appears in a cloud of smoke, he is described as tweedy, mustached,
and very British.
- Episode: No smoke, and the professor
is in a double-breasted coat, no mustache, and snobby, but not British.
- Script: As Darrin motions Samantha
into the hall, he comments that he feels as if someone else should
be shaving his head.
- Episode: As Darrin motions Samantha
into the hall the lines: "I want to talk to you…" "When?" "Now" are
added. The head shaving line is omitted.
- Script: Samantha has lines
about laying down the ground rules for the professor. The professor
lays down his own ground rules, "No parents present".
- Episode: Omitted.
- Script: Phipps picks up some
of Darrin's work and makes light of his clichés.
- Episode: Most of these lines
are omitted.
- Script: Tabitha's lessons are
given on the patio.
- Episode: All lessons are given
in the den. Note: In the episode, all script references to
the patio are changed to the den.
McMann & Tate Outer Office:
- Script: Darrin arrives and greets
the secretary with a succession of clichés.
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Den:
- Script: The Dodger steals a
lighter, and Samantha sees him do it. Later, she tells him to return
it. As he pulls it from his pocket, it is lit.
- Episode: The lighter bit is
omitted.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Darrin comes home and
he is furious. Endora has lines about trying to be helpful. Darrin
says with “friends like her, who needs enemies?”
- Episode: Omitted.
Stephens' Roof:
- Script: Endora sits next to
the chimney scheming how to make Darrin's life more miserable. As
Darrin leaves the house, she casts the "act it out" spell from the
chimney
- Episode: Endora is on the porch
roof. The scheming lines are omitted.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Before Samantha unfreezes
Larry and the client, she sits on the sofa with them.
- Episode: She sits in a chair
across from them.
Stephens' Entry:
- Script: As the professor prepares
to leave, Darrin suggests he use the front door. The professor says,
"If you're are going to get huffy---"
- Episode: The professor says,
"What a quaint idea, shall we try it Dodger?"
#
188, Samantha’s Secret Is Discovered
TEASER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: SAMANTHA: As far as
Darrin and I are concerned, it’s grand enough.
- Episode: SAMANTHA: As far as
Darrin and I are concerned, our old furniture is grand enough.
- Script:
ENDORA: Oh, Samantha, the Salvation Army wouldn’t even send
a truck out for it.
SAMANTHA: Well, when we’re ready to get rid of it, we’ll
rent a U-haul. Now, please, Mother.
- Episode: Samantha’s line
is cut.
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
ENDORA: Here . . . since you insist upon bringing her around. [a]
Of course you’ve undoubtedly thought of a way to explain
the furniture POPPING about.
SAMANTHA: It’ll come to me . . . I hope . . . .in time . .[beat]
What are we going to tell her?
ENDORA: Not we. What are you going to tell her. I don’t have
to explain anything to any mortal.
SAMANTHA: Maybe I ought to let her rest a little longer.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens, that’s ridiculous . . . . Here . .
.have a tranquilizer. [a]
MRS. STEPHENS: If I’m so solid, why did I see all the furniture
changing back and forth?
SAMANTHA: Changing back and forth???
MRS. STEPHENS: From Louis the 14th to early American.
ENDORA: Which one did you like better? Tell the truth.
SAMANTHA: Mother! Mrs. Stephens, listen. You’re not losing your
mind and you’re not seeing things.
MRS. STEPHENS: I’m not???
SAMANTHA: . . . the furniture changed back and forth. I saw it, too.
ENDORA: Great Hector’s ghost! What’s come over the girl?
MRS. STEPHENS: Oh, Samantha, don’t try to spare me.
SAMANTHA: No, really, I saw it and I can explain it.
ENDORA: [warningly] Samantha . . .
SAMANTHA: It’s a . . .a poltergeist.
ENDORA: [sighs . . .relieved] Ah. . . you are your mother’s
child after all.
MRS. STEPHENS: I won’t be patronized.
SAMANTHA: I’m not. poltergeists can be very upsetting. They’re
different from ghosts in that they’re more playful . . .you
know, just doing their thing.
SAMANTHA: You’re not talking to Tabitha, you know.
SAMANTHA: Really, psychic phenomena are becoming more and more accepted
these days. I even read about a case in the newspaper where a poltergeist
would shove a grand piano at people it didn’t like.
ENDORA: And at people it did like it played “The Jellyroll Blues”.
SAMANTHA: Mother!
- Episode: SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens,
that’s crazy . . .I mean that’s ridiculous . . .[The lines
after [a] are cut].
- Script:
ENDORA: How about “bon voyage”? [a]
SAMANTHA: I’m sure you’ll feel better in a few minutes.
[b]
MRS. STEPHENS: Maybe another tranquilizer will help.
SAMANTHA: I’ll get you some more water.
MRS. STEPHENS: Don’t bother, dear. I’ll get it myself.
I was going to call Frank anyway and have him pick me up. I’m
too upset to drive. [Mrs. Stephens goes into the kitchen].
SAMANTHA: Mother, what’s gotten into you? The poor thing thinks
she’s flipped her lid and you’re making funnies.
ENDORA: Samantha, you’re upset.
SAMANTHA: One thing about you, Mother. You’re sensitive to my
every emotion.
ENDORA: Well, it’s over and that’s that.
SAMANTHA: But we did it. We’re responsible.
ENDORA: I think it’s better to be responsible than irresponsible
. . . .don’t you agree? [Mrs. Stephens returns to the living
room]
MRS. STEPHENS: Frank’s on his way. I’ll just lie down
on the couch till he comes.
ENDORA: You know, Mrs. Stephens, I’ve never seen you look better.
MRS. STEPHENS: Is that so?
ENDORA: Yes . . .to look at you, one would never think anything was
wrong. [c]
MRS. STEPHENS: On second thought, maybe I’d better rest upstairs.
- Episode: Between [a]
and [b] Samantha’s line is changed to: “Mother!”
Between [b] and [c] the lines are
cut. At [c] the following lines are added:
SAMANTHA: Mrs. Stephens . . .why don’t you go upstairs and lie
down, It might make you feel a little better.
MRS. STEPHENS: Perhaps you’re right.
- Script: [Mrs. Stephens has
gone upstairs]
ENDORA: It’s funny, I kind of like her that way. Limp, docile,
humble. If more mortals thought they’d flipped, the world would
be a better place to live in.
SAMANTHA: Mother, will you cut it out. You’ve caused enough
trouble for one day.
ENDORA: You think so? Perhaps you’re right. Besides, one should
save a little something for tomorrow. [She POPS out]
- Episode: This scene is cut.
- Script:
MRS. STEPHENS: [o.s., calling] Frank, is that you?[a]
SAMANTHA: Well, sweetheart, here we go. Are you with me?
DARRIN: Oh, I’m with you. I’m always with you. It’s
just that I wish we were both someplace else.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
MRS. STEPHENS: Go ahead, shock treatment is probably just what I need.[a]
SAMANTHA: Well . . .Mrs. Stephens . . .the furniture you saw changing
back and forth actually did change.
- Episode: At [a]
is added:
DARRIN: It’s all yours, Sam.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: [a] Yes. I’m a witch.
MRS. STEPHENS: You’re a what?
SAMANTHA: I’m a witch. So is my mother.
MRS. STEPHENS: Samantha, that’s ridiculous, although I’m
not too sure about your mother.
SAMANTHA: No, really.[b] I’m a witch and I
have powers and I can make “things” move around..
MRS. STEPHENS: Samantha, there are no such things as witches! . .
[c] or poltergeist or ghosts.
- Episode: At [a]
the line is changed to: “Yes. I am a witch”. At [b]
is added: “A cauldron stirring card carrying witch”. The
line after [c] is deleted.
- Script: [The ashtray flies
through the air and lands in Darrin’s hands] [a]
DARRIN: No sense wasting a clean ashtray. How about a good cigar?
[Samantha twitches and an unlit cigar appears in Darrin’s mouth]
How about a match? [A lit match appears in front of the cigar. He
lights it, blows out the match.] Hmmm, Havana. You witches certainly
have pull.
- Episode: The above scene is
cut after [a].
- Script:
MR. STEPHENS: Phyllis, you’re talking about our daughter-in-law.
MRS. STEPHENS: [a] Do it like you did before. Move
that ashtray across the room.
MR. STEPHENS: She made an ashtray fly across the room? [Samantha twitches,
nothing happens] [b]
MRS. STEPHENS: The vase . . . .do the vase.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are replaced with:
MRS. STEPHENS: Watch this! [She picks up the vase and drops it]
MR. STEPHENS: That’s the vase we gave them for their last anniversary.
[Samantha twitches. Nothing happens.] The lines after [b]
are cut.
- Script:
MR. STEPHENS: Phyllis, when you called me, you told me you were losing
your mind . . . .you were right. [a]
DARRIN: [desperate] Sam, how about something simple like a double
scotch and soda which I need desperately. [He holds out his hand.
Samantha twitches. Nothing happens.] [b]
MRS. STEPHENS: But I’m telling you, Frank, I saw those things
happen.
MR. STEPHENS: Come on, Phyllis, let’s go see Dr. Rhinehouse.
[c] [to Darrin] Darrin, the next time you’re
looking for a way to comfort your mother, try to come up with something
less insulting to my intelligence.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut as are the lines after [c].
ACT II
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: But how am I going to convince Mrs. Stephens that she hasn’t
flipped?
ENDORA: Well you can’t use your powers so you’ll have
to come up with another idea.
- Episode: Endora’s line
is changed to: “Well you can’t show yourself as a witch
so you’ll have to come up with another idea.”
Psychiatrist’s Office:
- Script:
MRS. STEPHENS: Dr. Rhinehouse, I can’t thank you enough for
seeing me on such short notice.
DR. Rhinehouse: Well, your husband said it was an emergency.
MRS. STEPHENS: I certainly think it is. [looks at couch] Shouldn’t
I be lying on the couch?
DR. RHINEHOUSE: If you want to.
MRS. STEPHENS: I think I’ll just sit here. [a]
DR. RHINEHOUSE: Now Mrs. Stephens, tell me what seems to be the trouble?
- Episode: This opening scene
in the Dr’s. office is cut and begins at [a].
- Script:
MRS. STEPHENS: I don’t know . . .she might if she were in a
hurry. [a]
DR. RHINEHOUSE: Uh huh . . .and does she wear a tall black hat and
a black cape and have a funny nose?
MRS. STEPHENS: No, she’s a beautiful witch with a perfect nose.
And everytime she wants to do a trick, she twitches it.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: That’s a possibility, but there must be hundreds of
rest homes in the city.
MR. STEPHENS: We’ll call them all. [a] We’ve
got to find her.
- Episode: At [a]
the line is changed to: “I bet she’s in one of them right
now taking her pill."
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: [Samantha looks through
the louvers to see Darrin and Mr. Stephens looking through the phone
book]
SAMANTHA: [incanting]
Elixir of herbs and sloe gin fizz,
Whisk me to where Mrs. Stephens is. [a]
[She winces and POPS out.]
- Episode: Added at [a]
is:
SAMANTHA: Oh, that’s terrible.
Rest Home:
- Script:
MRS. STEPHENS: They didn’t put me away.. . .I put myself away.
MRS. QUIGLEY: Shuffleboard . . .that must be your game! I’ll
spot you twenty points and beat you left-handed.
- Episode: Mrs. Quigley’s
line is cut.
- Script:
MRS. QUIGLEY: You saw that didn’t you? That orderly changed
into a donkey and back again.
MRS. STEPHENS: I didn’t see a thing [a] [A
gardener is seen pushing a lawn mower. Suddenly he changes into Father
Time, who with his scythe, continues to cut the lawn. He then changes
back into the gardener]
MRS. QUIGLEY: Father Time! You did see that gardener and lawn mower
changes into Father Time and his scythe?
MRS. STEPHENS: Mrs. Quigley, I’m afraid I don’t know what
you’re talking about.
- Episode: After [a],
the scene is cut.
- Script: The script continues
with ACT II with Samantha appearing and follows the action through
the point where the doctor takes the pills and exits.
- Episode: The TRAILER begins
at the point where Samantha appears.
EPISODE TRAILER
Rest Home:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Looking for you. Frank and Darrin are worried sick. [a]
MRS. Quigley: Do you play canasta?
SAMANTHA: I’m afraid not.
MRS. QUIGLEY: That’s the trouble with you teenagers. You’re
worse than the
youngsters.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
SCRIPT TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: That was dad on the phone.
SAMANTHA: How’s your mother?
DARRIN: Magnificent. Never felt better. They both went bike riding
yesterday. The first time in fifteen years.
SAMANTHA: See that . . .a little well-placed witchcraft goes a long
way.
DARRIN: You know, Sam, we’ve got a lot to be grateful for. Mother’s
fully recovered . . .
SAMANTHA: And we’ve got two beautiful children.
DARRIN: And we haven’t heard from your mother in over a week.
It’s definitely count your blessings time. [ZAP and the furniture
changes to Louis the 14th]
SAMANTHA: You didn’t get to count very high, did you?
DARRIN: Sam, your mother has got to stop doing this sort of thing.
SAMANTHA: Oh, sweetheart, don’t make such a fuss. Nobody saw
it this time.
DARRIN: I saw it and that’s enough. Besides, I hate Louis the
14th furniture. [Endora POPS in]
ENDORA: Hmmm, I’m impressed.
DARRIN: Why, because I hate Louis the 14th furniture?
ENDORA: No, because you recognize it.
DARRIN: Sam . . .
SAMANTHA: Mother, Darrin and I were just having a pleasant before
dinner drink.
ENDORA: And I don’t intend to spoil it. I just popped in to
see how Mrs. Stephens is.
DARRIN: Oh . . .well . . .that’s very nice of you, Endora. She’s
fine.
ENDORA: Oh, what a shame. I was hoping that your father might join
me for dinner.
SAMANTHA: Mother!
ENDORA: Well, I thought he might be lonesome. After all, the poor
man has to live doesn’t he? [Endora prepares to leave]
SAMANTHA: Oh, Mother . . .
ENDORA: Yes, dear.
SAMANTHA: You see that little slipper chair over there? [she points
to the chair]
ENDORA: What about it?
SAMANTHA: Well, when you leave would you mind forgetting it? I just
love it.
ENDORA: But, of course . . .with mother’s compliments. [Endora
POPS out and the old furniture reappears. The slipper chair stays.
Darrin is upset]
SAMANTHA: Oh, come on sweetheart. You must admit it’s adorable.
[Darrin shakes his head in a “You can’t win” gesture
into the fadeout.]
- Episode: The script TRAILER
is not used at all.
#
191, What Makes Darrin Run
TEASER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
ENDORA: Have you cleaned the chimney yet? [a]
SAMANTHA: Will you skip the sarcasm and help me clean up this mess?
ENDORA: If you really want to clean up this mess, the first step is
to dissolve your marriage.
SAMANTHA: Mother, I’d love to stay and listen to you harangue,
but I’ve really got to rush. I’m going to a charity luncheon
with Louise Tate and Mrs. McMann. She’s married to Darrin’s
other boss. And I’ve still got to pick up the cleaning and shop
for dinner.
ENDORA: That’s right - - tote that barge, lift that bale.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
ENDORA: Well! If it isn’t Horatio Alger![a]
DARRIN: Well! If it isn’t Lady Macbeth!
ENDORA: At least she was royalty.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: ENDORA: . . . .Yes,
A good strong dose of ambition. It might not help, but it won’t
hurt. [She crosses to the mirror and speaks to her image] [a]
Oh, Endora, you’re too much.
- Episode: Endora goes to the
mirror and speaks the entire “dose of ambition” line to
her image. The line after [a] is cut.
ACT I
Darrin’s Office:
- Script:
LARRY: But I’d still like to hear one good reason why you won’t.
DARRIN: Because there are only twenty four hours in a day. [a]
Because I’m handling all I can now. Because I’m working
nights and weekends as it is. Because I want to spend some time with
my new son before he enters college.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Where have you been, Mother? Louise and Mrs. McMann are
going to be here any minute to pick me up.
ENDORA: I was just out on a little mission.
SAMANTHA: Against whom?
ENDORA: I don’t know why you should be so set on hurting your
only mother, when she has your best interests at heart.
SAMANTHA: Stop it, Mother. You’ll make me cry and ruin my mascara.
[The doorbell chimes. Samantha opens the door to admit Louise and
Mrs. McMann. Both are wearing mink coats].
SAMANTHA: Louise, you know my mother.
LOUISE: Of course.
SAMANTHA: Mother, I’d like you to meet Mrs. McMann.
ENDORA: Hmmm, what lovely mink coats you ladies are wearing.
LOUISE: Thank you. Larry got me this for Christmas.
MRS. McMANN: Howard got me this for Thursday.
ENDORA: How wealthy of him.
SAMANTHA: All right, shall we go?
ENDORA: Your coat is lovely too, dear.
SAMANTHA: Thank you.
ENDORA: One thing about a cloth coat, you don’t have to kill
anything to make it.
SAMANTHA: Mother, you’re all heart and thanks for baby-sitting.
ENDORA: Don’t mention it dear. Enjoy the charity lunch. I hope
they raise plenty of money for you and Durwood.
- Episode: This entire scene,
which follows the scene in Darrin’s office, is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room – Later:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Darrin, I think you had something for lunch besides lunch.
[a]
DARRIN: You’re darn right! I had a vision.
SAMANTHA: Did you happen to see my mother in it?
DARRIN: Who? No! What came to me was this - -why, with all my talent,
am I still working for somebody else? And the answer came to me- -
I have been lacking in ambition! But in the future you’re going
to see a new man!
SAMANTHA: Would this new man like me to get dinner started while he
says hello to the kids?
DARRIN: I’ve got too much work to do . . .and I better get busy.
SAMANTHA: You can’t be too busy to say hello to the kids.
DARRIN: Sam, there’s a lot to do. I’ll just have a plate
in the den. You know something?
SAMANTHA: You bet.
DARRIN: I can take control of every account in the company
[b] This is the age of conglomerates - - - -
- Episode: The lines between
[a] and [b] are cut and replaced with:
DARRIN: We should have Mr. McMann over for dinner. It certainly won’t
hurt to entertain the president and chairman of the board of the company.
SAMANTHA: And Larry and Louise.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Meanwhile down here, Darrin has become a power-driven monster.[a]
ENDORA: You’re welcome.
SAMANTHA: I haven’t thanked you.
ENDORA: What an ungrateful child. I did it for you.
SAMANTHA: Well, undo it for me.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
ACT II
Stephens' Kitchen:
- Script: [The scene opens with
Samantha and Darrin just finishing breakfast]
DARRIN: Sam, I’m telling you, this is one time when you’re
absolutely dead wrong. Your mother has not put a spell on me!
SAMANTHA: No? Then how do you explain your behavior?
DARRIN: I don’t know what you’re talking about. And can
I have some more coffee?
SAMANTHA: Certainly.
DARRIN: Some day, Sam, we’ll have our own coffee plantation.
SAMANTHA: And you don’t know what I’m talking about?
DARRIN: No.
SAMANTHA: I don’t want a coffee plantation.
DARRIN: Okay, then we’ll have a tea or cocoa plantation. You
like cocoa.
SAMANTHA: That’s what I’m talking about! Since yesterday,
all you’ve thought about is making money.
DARRIN: So what? I’m just behaving like any guy who wants better
things for his family.
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, I’m perfectly happy with what we have.
You always knew that until Mother stuck her two cents in.
DARRIN: What’s two cents when we’re talking about millions.
SAMANTHA: Oh, what’s the use? He’s lost control.
DARRIN: On the contrary. I’m finally going to get control. Do
you know, I could control every account in that agency, if I wanted
to. Why, I could get Larry’s job if I wanted it.
SAMANTHA: Darrin . . .
DARRIN: And I want it!
SAMANTHA: Larry’s your friend.
DARRIN: Friend? A man who has been using me all this time. If McMann
knew how many of Larry’s ideas originated with me - - -Sam,
I’m going to invite the McManns to dinner tonight.
SAMANTHA: Fine. And Larry and Louise too, right?
DARRIN: Wrong. The Tates aren’t coming, they’re going.
SAMANTHA: Mother, you have a formidable daughter, and I’ll beat
you yet.
- Episode: This scene is entirely
cut and replaced with a shortened scene that takes place in the Stephens’
Bedroom immediately after this scene.
Tate’s Living Room:
- Script:
LARRY: I’ve had a funny feeling ever since that lunch yesterday.
LOUISE: I told you never to have cracked crab. Take a bicarb.
LARRY: That’s not what I’m talking about. It was Darrin’s
attitude. First he flatly refused the Braddock account. Then he changed
his mind and wanted it and hustled me for a bonus in the bargain.
[a] Then at lunch, he put on a performance you wouldn’t
believe. He had Braddock in the palm of his hand.
LOUISE: Well, isn’t that what he’s supposed to do?
LARRY: Sure, but when I came back to the table, he and Braddock seemed
to have some kind of secret. They were making fun of me. [b]
LOUISE: I told you not to wear that silly tie. It’s too mod
for you.
LARRY: Louise. Will you either listen or shut up.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are moved to just before Samantha tells Larry
to call McMann. The rest of the lines are cut.
Stephens’ Bedroom:
- Script:
DARRIN: The McManns will be here any minute. Are you about ready?
SAMANTHA’S VOICE: I’ll be ready in a second. [the doorbell
rings]
DARRIN: That must be them. Sam, hurry up.
- Episode: The above lines are
cut and replaced with the shortened version of the breakfast conversation
that was cut.
DARRIN: The McManns will be here any minute. Are you about ready?
[door bell chimes]
SAMANTHA: I’ll be ready in a second, sweetheart.
DARRIN: Sam, will you hurry up! Opportunity is ringing our bell.
SAMANTHA: Before you go downstairs, I want to tell you something.
Your sudden desire for money and power, it’s because Mother
put a spell on you.
DARRIN: This is one time you’re absolutely wrong. Your mother
didn’t put a spell on me.
SAMANTHA: Then how do you explain your behavior?
DARRIN: Well, I’m like any guy who wants better things for his
family.
SAMANTHA: Oh, Darrin. I’m perfectly happy with everything I
have and you knew that until Mother stuck her two cents in.
DARRIN: What’s two cents when I’m talking millions - -[door
bell] Just Hurry.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: . . . .Fifteen years ago when he was a ball of fire. [a]
SAMANTHA: [to Mrs. McMann] Did you hear how much we finally raised
at the luncheon?
MRS. McMANN: Yes, isn’t it wonderful. I hope it’s enough.
SAMANTHA: So do I. [pointedly to Darrin] But for some people, there’s
no such thing as enough.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Mother, front and center! [no response] Mother, I demand
that you show up immediately and undo Darrin’s spell. [still
no Endora] Mother, please.
[An arrow zings into the wall with a note attached.]
Samantha reads:
Patience dear . . .and do not fret.
I promise wealth will be yours yet.
Samantha holds the paper closer to read the small print:
In two seconds this arrow will self destruct.
[The arrow disappears in a puff of smoke. Mrs. McMann enters]
MRS. McMANN: Can I help, Samantha?
SAMANTHA: I’m afraid there’s only one person who can
help.
MRS. McMANN: Pardon?
SAMANTHA: Although, you could give me a hand with these [a tray
of d’oeuvres]
MRS. McMANN: Certainly. You know, Darrin seems so much more outgoing
since I last saw him.
SAMANTHA: He does have a lot of enthusiasm for his work.
MRS. McMANN: Yes! He used to be sort of reserved. It’s a -
- -it’s rather a radical change.
- Episode: The entire kitchen
scene is cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [The door bell rings.
Darrin answers it to reveal Larry and Louise]
DARRIN: Larry! Louise! [a]
LARRY: Well, now that we’ve established the fact that you know
us, can we come in? [b]
DARRIN: Well, I . . .uh . . .didn’t expect you . . .
LARRY: I know. We were just in the neighborhood. Thought we’d
drop in for a drink. [c]
LOUISE: I think they’re busy Larry.
DARRIN: Yes, as a matter of fact, we’ve got some dinner guests
and . . .[d]
SAMANTHA: Hi, Larry, Louise. Come on in.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut as are the lines between [c]
and [d].
- Script:
DARRIN: [As he and Larry walk to the bar] Well! It sure is a surprise
to see you.
LARRY: [all sweetness and light] I got a little surprise too when
I called the McManns and the maid said they were having dinner over
here. [suddenly all business] What the devil are you up to, anyway?
- Episode: This scene is cut.
- Script:
ENDORA: [incants]
Elephants trumpet and bees buzz; [a]
Make Dumb-Dumb the drudge he was.
So long, y’all.[b]
SAMANTHA: That’s not enough. You got him into this mess. You’ve
got to get him out.
ENDORA: I’m sorry, dear, but I just don’t have the time.
Besides cleaning up a mess is your department. Arivaderci.[script
spelling]
- Episode: After [a],
the line is changed to:
“Make Dumb-Dumb the little ole drudge he was.”
The lines after [b] are cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: You do have a wonderfully youthful outlook, Larry.
LARRY: Why, uh . . .thank you.[a]
LOUISE: It’s like I’ve always said - - -he’s never
really grown up.
LARRY: [pained smile] That’s cute Louise. [b]
McMANN: I’m a little confused. [c]
DARRIN: Maybe it’s that scotch, it’s pretty heavy stuff.
- Episode: The lines between
[a] and [b] are cut as is the line after
[c].
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room – a few days later:
- Script:
ENDORA: You’ve come to your senses. You’re leaving Durwood.
[a]
SAMANTHA: Mother . . . .
ENDORA: Thank heaven! I’ll help you get the children ready.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script: SAMANTHA: I’m
not leaving Darrin.
ENDORA: You’re not.
SAMANTHA: I’m leaving with him. On a trip. Courtesy of Larry
Tate. It’s the bonus for his job on the Braddock account.
- Episode: To Samantha’s
last line is added: “We’re leaving as soon as Esmeralda
gets here.”
- Script: SAMANTHA: It’s
unsinkable, and unsailable. The only kind of yacht I care to own.
- Episode: After Samantha’s
“unsailable”, Endora has “unbelievable” inserted.
#
194, The Generation Zap
TEASER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: [The script calls for
Samantha to be in the kitchen preparing breakfast, then cuts to the
Living Room where Darrin is on the phone.]
SAMANTHA: Darrin?
DARRIN: [calling o.s.] Be right there.
- Episode: [The Episode begins
in the Living Room, where Samantha is heard o.s.]
SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Darrin?
DARRIN: I’m on the phone.
- Script: DARRIN: To tell me
there’s a graduate student who’s thinking about a career
in advertising coming to work at the office. Not work, really, just
to observe.
- Episode: [Darrin’s lines
are changed to:]
DARRIN: There’s a college student who’s thinking about
a career in advertising who’s coming to the office.
- Script:
DARRIN: Especially one whose father happens to be an important client.
SAMANTHA: Actually, I think you ought to be flattered. After all,
Larry picked you over all the other account executives.
- Episode: Samantha’s lines
are cut.
- Script: Endora pops in as Samantha
heads back toward the Kitchen.
- Episode: Samantha is half way
up the stairs when Endora POPS in.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Eavesdropping is unbecoming to you, Mother.
ENDORA: [a] Not when it’s in the best interests
of my daughter. [b] Don’t you care that Dumb-Dumb
is the prey of some college cutie? [c]
SAMANTHA: [exasperated] Mother, he’s only involved with this
young girl because of business.
ENDORA: You’d better make it your business. Did you notice when
he left he merely kissed you on the forehead. Next, he’ll be
patting your hand.
- Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut as are the lines after [c].
REVIEWER’S NOTE: Later in the episode in a scene in the kitchen
where Samantha and Darrin are discussing Dusty. Darrin pats Samantha’s
hand and she gives him a very weird look. The “hand patting”
line of Endora’s above explains the look, but with the line cut
there is no good reason given for Samantha to act as she did.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Thank you. And now if you’ll excuse me, I have to
give Adam his bath. [a] And I know I don’t
have to remind you of the consequences of breaking your witch’s
honor.
ENDORA: I know, I know. Fire and brimstone and all that.
SAMANTHA: Right, so if you want to keep cool, keep out of Darrin’s
business. [b] [Samantha exits] [c]
Endora watches her go, then waves and Serena appears.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. After [c],
Endora waves and calls Serena.
ACT I
Darrin’s Office:
- Script:
DUSTY: . . . just do whatever you have to do and pay no attention
to me.
DARRIN: Fine. [a] I’ve got these letters to
answer, [b] and a storyboard to check over. You might
like to look at that. [c] She crosses to his side.
He opens a storyboard that has been folded into sections.
- Episode: [The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. After [b]
the line is changed to]: “I have a storyboard to check over”.
Dusty has the line added: “Yes, yes, I think I’d like
that.” [After [c] they both cross to the drafting
table where the storyboard is laid out, opened.]
- Script:
DUSTY: Maybe that’s what’s wrong with advertising.
DARRIN: [irritated] Miss Harrison, I . . . .[Endora and Serena have
POPPED in and are seated in an upper corner of the room. Endora waves
and freezes Darrin and Dusty. She and Serena then POP down and during
the following move between the frozen figures of Darrin and Dusty]
ENDORA: [a] You see? He’s just not a likeable
person. Well, we’ll fix that. [b] Go ahead,
put the spell on her.
- Episode: Endora and Serena stay
seated in the upper corner of the room. The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
- Script:
DUSTY: I don’t know. I guess your enthusiasm is contagious.
DARRIN: Anything wrong with being [a] enthusiastic?
DUSTY: Of course not! I think it’s beautiful. [b]
DARRIN: Miss Harrison, are you putting me on?
DUSTY: Please call me Dusty.
DARRIN: Okay . . . .Dusty.
DUSTY: Is it all right if I call you Darrin?
DARRIN: Well, sure . . . . .whatever you want.
- Episode: At [a]
the word “contagious . . . .” is inserted before “enthusiastic”.
All lines after [b] are cut.
- Script: [Endora and Serena
have POPPED out] [a]
DARRIN: Well, I . . .uh, don’t you think we’d better get
down to business?
DUSTY: I sure do. [b]
DARRIN: I mean, I better get on with my work. [c]
DUSTY: I’ll just sit here and watch. [She sits and stares at
Darrin, who becomes more and more uncomfortable.]
DARRIN: [indicating storyboard] I think I know why you reacted negatively
to this. It doesn’t have any character.
DUSTY: It doesn’t?
DARRIN: It’s too wishy-washy. Too indecisive. Now that may sound
silly to you, but a detail like that can be crucial.
DUSTY: Oh, I can imagine!
DARRIN: How’d you like to do something for me?
DUSTY: [fervently] Anything! [d]
DARRIN: I want you to go shopping and see if you can find a coffee
pot that knows it’s own mind. An aggressive, clear-thinking
coffee pot.
DUSTY: Okay. [e] I hope I know one when I see one.
DARRIN: [f] And don’t rely on just one. . .
. .
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. Between [c] and
[d], the script lines are cut and replaced with:
DUSTY: Is there anything I can do?
DARRIN: As a matter of fact there is. These pencils need sharpening.
There is a sharpener over there. [The episode adds the bit with Dusty
sharpening the pencils in an electric pencil sharpener, paying no
attention to what she is doing as she stares hungrily at Darrin].
At [e] through [f], the lines are
changed to:
DUSTY: I’ll do it as fast as I can and be right back.
DARRIN: No, no, take your time.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Darrin is making drinks]
SAMANTHA: Oh, it was that bad, huh?
DARRIN: You mean with Harrison’s daughter?
SAMANTHA: That’s not what I meant. But you can start there.
What’s she like?
DARRIN: Well, Dusty’s your average . . .
SAMANTHA: Dusty?
DARRIN: Yeah. She’s just your average know-it-all college girl.
A little on the plain side. . . studious, dedicated, you know.
SAMANTHA: Yes. That’s also a very accurate description of your
average know-it-all college boy.
- Episode: The above lines are
altered to:
SAMANTHA: Oh, it was that bad, huh? What happened?
DARRIN: The client’s daughter happened.
SAMANTHA: What’s she like?
DARRIN: Well, Dusty’s your average know-it-all college girl.
SAMANTHA: Dusty?
DARRIN: A little on the plain side, studious, dedicated, you know.
- Script: SAMANTHA: It’s
your average know-it-all college kid. A little on the plain side,
studious, dedicated, wearing a mini-skirt, [a] a
great big smile and not much else.
- Episode: The line after [a]
is changed to: “And a great big smile.”
- Script:
DARRIN: Come on in. Can I fix you a soft drink?
DUSTY: A martini would be fine.
- Episode:
DARRIN: Come on in. Can I fix you coffee, root beer, ginger ale .
. .
DUSTY: When you get to a martini, stop.
- Script:
DUSTY: I hope one of those coffee pots will do the trick. [a]
[to Samantha] Did Mr. Stephens’ tell you about his brilliant
concept for the coffee commercial?
SAMANTHA: No, but maybe he’ll tell me about it over dinner.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Yes, and it’s well distributed. [a]
DARRIN: Sam, I swear that’s not the way she looked at the office.
SAMANTHA: You mean she was wearing a disguise?
DARRIN: You don’t think I’d deliberately mislead you?
[b]
SAMANTHA: No, but how come you didn’t mention the fact that
she obviously has a violent crush on you. [c]
DARRIN: You really think so?
SAMANTHA: Yes, I really think so.
DARRIN: Oh, come on. All young girls are impressed by older men.
SAMANTHA: Well, you certainly are that.
DARRIN: Especially an older man who doesn’t look his age.
SAMANTHA: Vanity, thy name is human.
DARRIN: Okay, so I’m human. At least I’m not a . . . .[Samantha
POPS out]
SAMANTHA’S VOICE: Not a what . . .?
DARRIN: Sam, you’re not really jealous of that little kid are
you? [Samantha POPS in behind him]
SAMANTHA: Not a what. . . .?
DARRIN: I mean, isn’t it a little silly when I have someone
like you . . . . [He starts to put his arms around her. She POPS out]
. . .who is so completely enchanting, fascinating, beguiling, ravishing,
alluring . . .[She POPS in]
SAMANTHA: You convinced me.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut, as are the lines after
[c].
ACT II
Darrin’s Office:
- Script:
DUSTY: You promised to call me Dusty. [a]
DARRIN: Okay. Dusty, how old are you?
DUSTY: Twenty. But do you know, since I met you I feel I’ve
matured. There’s something so deep about you. Your eyes particularly.
They’re so penetrating.
DARRIN: Well, I’m glad to hear that. Or rather . . .I’m
not glad to hear it. I mean I’m glad if you’ve matured,
but [b]… well, here it is in a nutshell.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: . . .there’s always the possibility she got somebody
else to cast the spell [a] [Camera angle on Endora
and Serena]
SERENA: Pretty hip chick, old cousin Sam.
ENDORA: Yes. But I’m still the mother hen! [Camera angle to
include Samantha, Darrin, Endora and Serena]
SAMANTHA: That’s it! What a mean low down trick . . .and I’ll
bet Serena is the co-culprit. [Endora and Serena POP out] [b]
DARRIN: You know what I better do? Call Harrison and straighten things
out with him. I’ll get his number from the office.
SAMANTHA: Serena, Serena! I want to talk to you right this second.
Serena!
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut and replaced with:
SAMANTHA: . . But who? . . .Who else, my cousin the love goddess.
DARRIN: Same love goddess.
Stephens’ Entry Hall:
- Script:
DARRIN: I know it’s an imposition but I have my reasons for
wanting to. . . [a]
HARRISON: Of course, you want to protect your job.
DARRIN: I don’t care anything about my job or your account.
HARRISON: You’ve already lost the account. I can’t be
sure about your job.
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut and replaced with:
HARRISON: Let’s get on with it!
Stephens’ Patio:
REVIEWER’S NOTE: In scenes where Serena is imitating Samantha,
her cues are SERENA/SAM.
- Script:
SERENA/SAM: . . . we thought a simple spell . . .a certain test of
fidelity was in order.
SAMANTHA: I don’t have to put Darrin through any test. Now take
that spell . . .[a]
SERENA/SAM: Okay, okay . . .you’re making a national case out
of nothing.
SAMANTHA: That’s a “federal” case and hurry up.
[b] [Intercut to Living Room, and back to Patio].
[c]
SERENA/SAM: Okay, it’s off. [Intercut to short scene in Living
Room and back to the Patio]
SAMANTHA: Now, if you don’t mind getting lost, I’ll take
him out of the deep freeze.
- Episode: At [a] “or
you’re going to be an ex-cousin” is added. The following
lines through [b] are then moved to after the next
scene in the Living Room. The Patio scenes lines after [c]
are cut.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script and Episode
agree.
#
195, Okay, Who’s the Wise Witch?
TEASER
Stephens’ Entry:
- Script:
TABITHA: Mommy, is this doll house for me?
SAMANTHA: Honey, this isn’t a doll house.
- Episode: [the lines are changed
to:]
TABITHA: Mommy!
SAMANTHA: Yes, Sweetheart?
TABITHA: Is this doll house for me?
SAMANTHA: Honey, this isn’t a doll house.
- Script: [Darrin also tries
the front door]
DARRIN: The lock must be jammed.
SAMANTHA: You can go out the side door.
- Episode: [added is the line:]
DARRIN: Let’s set it down here [they put the doll house on the
bench]
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: Samantha’s incantation
to open the door:
Wooden doors, can’t get the
best-a-me,
I hereby command you, Open Sestame!
- Episode: The first line is changed
to:
Wooden doors, don’t get the
best-a-me
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: . . . .we don’t know. The doctor is examining him
now. [a]
ENDORA: Open your mouth and say “ah”.
SAMANTHA: [to Endora] Sh-sh!
- Episode: The lines after [a]
are cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Darrin, I’ve been thinking. You know whose spell this
might be? Esmeralda’s. She baby-sat two nights ago, and maybe
she tried something or other that backfired. [a]
DARRIN: For instance?
SAMANTHA: She was afraid of burglars - - -so she sealed off our house
and forget to unseal it.
ENDORA: Then how did she get out? And why weren’t you sealed
in yesterday?
SAMANTHA: Well.. . . . .Esmeralda’s a slow worker. Maybe a spell
she cast two nights ago didn’t take effect until today. [to
Darrin] Should I yoo-hoo for her? [b]
DARRIN: I’m so anxious to get out of here, I’m even reconsidering
calling Uncle Arthur.
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
ACT II
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: [Samantha and Tabitha
are seated for lunch]
TABITHA: Mommy, when I finish lunch can I go outside and play?
SAMANTHA: No, dear. You can’t.
TABITHA: Why not?
SAMANTHA: Our doors aren’t working. [Darrin appears in the hallway
carrying an ax and a blowtorch]
DARRIN: But they will be.
SAMANTHA: [to Darrin] What’s that?
DARRIN: An ax and a blowtorch which I found in the basement. And as
they say in stir, I’m going to bust out of this joint.
SAMANTHA: What’s your rush? The centuries pass quickly. [she
giggles]
DARRIN: Sam, that’s not funny.
SAMANTHA: You’re right. That’s not funny. [loud crashes
are heard]
TABITHA: What’s that, Mommy?
SAMANTHA: I hate to think. You stay here and finish your lunch.
- Episode: The entire above scene
is deleted.
Stephens’ Entry Hall:
- Script: [Darrin swings at the
door with the ax which bounces off as if it were rubber.]
SAMANTHA: Do you really think you can?
DARRIN: No, but it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
SAMANTHA: Keep it up, dear. It’s good exercise.
DARRIN: I’m not looking for exercise. I’m looking for
results. [He lights the blowtorch and plays the flame around the door’s
lock with no results.]
TABITHA: What’s Daddy doing?
SAMANTHA: He’s playing safecracker. Now you go back and finish
your lunch.
DARRIN: Okay, I surrender. Whoever you are, you win!
SAMANTHA: Don’t feel bad, Sweetheart. It wasn’t an even
fight. [Esmeralda enters sans mud-pack and curlers]
ESMERALDA: Samantha, I have to leave. If I stand up Ramon Verona,
he’ll never ask me out again.
SAMANTHA: Oh, he will too. I’ll give you a note saying it wasn’t
your fault.
DARRIN: Give me two notes. One for Larry and one for the Bureau of
Unemployment.
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, let’s be serious and you can start by
putting away that ax and blowtorch. In the meantime Esmeralda and
I will make out a shopping list.
DARRIN: A shopping list?
SAMANTHA: Well, we have to eat.
DARRIN: How do you plan to go to the market?
SAMANTHA: I don’t. I plan to fly in our supplies like the Berlin
airlift.
ESMERALDA: Speaking of Berlin, Ramon Verona is Italian. He has jet
black hair, a classic nose with smoldering nostrils, eyes that flash
like . . . .
DARRIN: Excuse me.
ESMERALDA: Did I say smoothing wrong?
DARRIN: No, I feel like leaving the room. The walls are crowding in
on me.
SAMANTHA: Don’t you want any lunch?
DARRIN: No, somehow I’m not hungry.
- Episode: The entire above scene
is deleted. ACT II begins with the playground equipment in the Living
Room.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [the doorbell rings]
DARRIN: That’s Larry. Make him go away. But don’t offend
him.
SAMANTHA: I won’t. I’ll be warm and friendly - - -[a]
and I’ll lie like crazy.
- Episode: [At [a]
the lines are changed to:]
SAMANTHA: - - -and tell him the house is sealed off by witchcraft.
DARRIN: Okay, offend him.
Stephens’ Entry:
- Script: [Larry and Samantha
talk through the front door:]
SAMANTHA: . . . .with a contagious disease. [a] We’re
waiting for lab tests to tell us which one, but in the meantime we
have to play it safe. [b]
LARRY: Okay, but would you mind getting the model house. I need it
for the meeting.
SAMANTHA: Oh, I couldn’t do that.
LARRY: Why not?
SAMANTHA: Larry, we’re under quarantine. Darrin’s germs
are on that house. [c]
LARRY: I’ll get it sprayed with disinfectant. It’s the
only model in existence and we need it for the meeting. It’s
top secret stuff and the client wants it back.
SAMANTHA: I’m sorry. To protect his health, he’ll have
to wait. [d]
LARRY: Samantha, will you please open the door so we don’t have
to shout at each other?
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] as well as between [c]
and [d] are cut.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Larry leaves and Samantha
returns to the Living Room.]
DARRIN: You know what he thinks?
ENDORA: What?
DARRIN: That I’m an industrial spy. That I’m taking our
client’s model house to a competitor so he can steal the design.
ENDORA: How much would he pay you?
SAMANTHA: Mother, Darrin would never do that, and Larry knows it,
[to Darrin] doesn’t he?
- Episode: The above scene is
cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Darrin, that is no way to speak to a doctor.
ENDORA: Especially a witch doctor. [a]
SAMANTHA: Doctor, please continue.
- Episode: At [a]
is added:
DARRIN: I wish you wouldn’t call him that.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: [Darrin enters in high
spirits. He and Samantha exchange greetings]
DARRIN: Honey, Larry loved the indoor-outdoor play-yard so much we
went straight to the client, and he loved it too!
- Episode: [The above is cut and
replaced with:]
DARRIN: Hi!
SAMANTHA: How’d it go?
DARRIN: I had a very shaky beginning. I told Larry about your idea
for an indoor-outdoor play-yard, and he hated it. But he agreed to
let me mention it to the client at the meeting, and the client loved
it.
SAMANTHA: And now Larry loves it, too! Congratulations!
#
197, If the Shoe Pinches
TEASER
Stephens’ Den:
- Script: DARRIN: Barbour Peaches
. . . .Barbour Peaches . . .[a] [he points to various
sizes] Small, medium or large. .[b] . .everything’s
peachy when you buy Barbour peaches.
- Episode: [At [a]
Darrin picks up a can, and the line between [a] and
[b] is changed to:]
“Whole, sliced or halves”.
Stephens’ Patio:
- Script:
TABITHA: I wish you and Daddy would find something to do when I’m
entertaining. [a]
DARRIN: I think we’ve been put in our place.
SAMANTHA: Well, to coin a phrase - - -witchee see, witchee do. [b]
DARRIN: Speaking of phrases [c], I promised Larry
I’d have something on Barbour Peaches by early this afternoon
- - - -
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. The line between [b]
and [c] is changed to: “I do have something
else to do.”
Tabitha’s Play House:
- Script: Tim, the Leprechaun,
is described as being dressed like an Irish Country Squire, boots,
breeches and hacking coat.
- Episode: Tim wears a costume
in various shades of green, including a stiff-tailed cut-away coat.
- Script:
TIM: Ah, so it is. And what’s your name?
TABITHA: Tabitha.[a]
TIM: A lovely name for a lovely little witch. You are a witch, are
you not?
TABITHA: Yes, but don’t mention that to anybody.
TIM: Of course you don’t. But I’m not just anybody. I’m
a leprechaun.
TABITHA: You are? A real leprechaun? [b]
TIM: That’s right. Now, as friend to friend, how would you like
to get me something to eat? [c] It’s fair starving
I am.
TABITHA: [indicating empty plates] Help yourself.[d]
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut. The line between [b]
and [c] are changed to: “Now would you be off
to get me something to eat?” After [d], is
added:
TIM: There’s nothing there
TABITHA: Yes, there is.
TIM: No, there’s not.
TABITHA: You eat what’s in front of you or you don’t eat
at all.
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Samantha has drug Tim
into the Living Room] [a]
TIM: What nose. What ears?
- Episode: At [a]
Samantha has added the line; “Okay, go ahead”.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: More to the point, I don’t think you know who or what
I am! [She waves and a crash of thunder is followed by a flash of
lightening]. [a]
TIM: Spare me! Spare me! I give ye me solemn affeydavey I only did
it for the sake of this darlin’ child that has the same golden
hair, and striking beauty as yourself, leading me to the conclusion
that you be mother and daughter and sure, I meant no harm to this
fine looking gentleman who - - -
SAMANTHA: Will you stop the blarney and do as I asked?
TIM: I’m doing it, I’m doing it. [b] [He
points his finger at Darrin whose nose and ears return to normal.]
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
Roof of the House:
- Script:
TIM: You’re as full of blarney as I am. And besides, the fair
one will pulverize me.
ENDORA: Not if we’re clever about it.
TIM: I take it ye have something in mind? [a]
ENDORA: Yes . . .they were your hosts - -what’s wrong with leaving
them a little gift?
- Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script:
DARRIN: Why? According to legend, it’s bad luck not to accept
a leprechaun’s gift.
SAMANTHA: [a] Darrin you surprise me. You really
believe that old wive’s tale?
- Episode: [The lines after [a]
are cut and replaced with:]
SAMANTHA: That’s ridiculous.
ACT II
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: You get those shoes off him, or I’ll pulverize you.
[a]
TIM: Lemme go, Lemme go. If ye harm me, he’ll be stuck with
those shoes for the rest of his days! [b] [Samantha
slowly lowers Tim to the floor [c]]
- Episode: At [a]
is added: “you pocket sized pipsqueak!” [At [b]
Samantha drops Tim to the floor.] At [c] is added:
TIM: Why’d you do that?
SAMANTHA: You asked me to let you go.
Tabitha’s Play House:
- Script:
TABITHA: Mommy?
SAMANTHA: Hi, Sweetheart. [a] [she begins turning
the pages of the book].
- Episode: At [a]
is added: “Here we are. Potion to gain power over a leprechaun.”
- Script: SAMANTHA: . . . . .
Add salt and pepper to taste. Now zap up one chicken [a]
and boil until tender. That’s chicken soup! [b]
This is Dr. Bombay’s chicken soup, a favorite of leprechauns.
- Episode: At [a]
is added: “and vegetables”. At [b], the
reference to Dr. Bombay is deleted.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: [Darrin and Tim are
seated on the sofa] [a]
TIM: Would ye be kind enough to pass me another of them horsey douvers?
Sure, and I’ve never tasted anything so delicious since Patty
Muldoon’s funeral.
- Episode: The lines after
[a] are cut.
Stephens’ Dining Room:
- Script: The script calls for
Samantha to put a smudge on the soup bowl that has the potion in it.
At Tim’s line, “Is that a baby’s cry I hear?”
Samantha and Darrin look away from the table. Tim switches his bowl
for Samantha’s. Samantha sees this. She zaps Darrin’s
and Tim’s napkins on to the floor and as they bend down, she
rattles the plates as if she had switched them. She twitches again
and a gust of wind blows the patio doors open. She and Darrin go to
close the doors, and Tim switches the bowls, ending up with the loaded
one.
- Episode: Samantha zaps the napkins
to the floor. Darrin and Tim bend over to get them, and Samantha switches
plates. At Tim’s “Baby cry” line he switches them
back. When she zaps the patio doors open, it is only Darrin who goes
to close them; Tim looks after Darrin, and Samantha switches the bowls
so that Tim has the loaded one.
- Script: [During the plate switching
action, the following lines appear:]
DARRIN: You know what I’ve been thinking, Sam? I’ve been
working too hard. Maybe I’ll take a couple of weeks off.
SAMANTHA: [sarcastically] Why not a couple of months?
DARRIN: That’s an even better idea. We could go on a cruise.
The only trouble is, you have to dress for dinner.
SAMANTHA: Unless you go on a “tramp” steamer.
- Episode: All of the above lines
are cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: [to Tim] Okay. Quick out with it. I want to know who sent
you here. [a]
TIM: Oh, please. I beg of you, I dasn’t tell. She’d put
a terrible curse on me, if I do.
SAMANTHA: So, it’s a she! [to Darrin] We’re getting warm.
DARRIN: Not me. I’m getting an awful chill. [b]
SAMANTHA: [to Tim] I’ll ask you once again, and only once. Who
sent you?
- Episode: The lines between [a]
and [b] are cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: [to Tim] All right, little man, it’s time to return
to the ould sod.[a]
TIM: Sure, and I hope I’ll wind up on it, not under it.
- Episode: The line after [a]
is cut.
- Script:
DARRIN: . . . .you’re the greatest witch a man ever had. [they
kiss] [a]
SAMANTHA: And the luckiest. [b]
DARRIN: Now I better get back to work on that slogan. [c]
- Episode: The line between [a]
and [b] is cut. After [c],
Samantha calls for Endora who does not answer.
TRAILER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: Samantha is angrily
calling Endora.
- Episode: Samantha is sweetly
calling Endora.
- Script:
ENDORA: I sent that leprechaun for your own good. It was a test and
I’m happy to say you passed it with flying colors. [Samantha
smiles at her] [a] Don’t you want to know what
kind of test?
SAMANTHA: Not really.
ENDORA: All right, I’ll tell you. [b] It was
a test to see where the breaking point is in this mortal marriage.
- Episode: The lines between
[a] and [b] are cut.
Stephens’ Entry Hall:
- Script:
LARRY: Give me that again? [a]
SAMANTHA: You’d better put a spell on Larry to love it. [b]
DARRIN: Don’t shave the fuzz off your peaches - -Let Barbour
do it.
- Episode: The line after [b]
is moved up to just after [a].
#
198, Mona Sammy
TEASER
Stephens' Dining Room:
- Script: Calls for Samantha to
be arranging flowers. Calls for Darrin to be at the wine rack selecting
a wine.
- Episode: Samantha is finishing
the place settings. Darrin is by the pass through to the Kitchen.
There is no wine rack.
- Script: Calls for Endora to
pop in with a large package.
- Episode: No package. Endora
pops the painting in later when she is ready to give it to Samantha.
- Script: After Darrin's line,
"It was, up until a second ago", Samantha has the line [ in a reprimanding
tone], "Darrin".
- Episode: Before Samantha
says, "Darrin", she says, "Darwin", then corrects herself to, "Darrin".
- Script: After Endora unveils
the painting, Samantha has the line, "Oh, Mother", followed by Darrin's,
"It can't be".
- Episode: Between these two lines
are added:
Darrin: That looks almost like the Mona Lisa.
Endora: Why not. It was painted by the same artist.
ACT I
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Calls for the two above
added lines in the TEASER to be at the beginning of ACT ONE.
- Episode: Lines are
in the TEASER.
- Script: Endora says that Cornelia
would have been a centerfold in Playboy.
- Episode: Playboy is
changed to Galaxy Gazette.
- Script: As Samantha and Darrin
go to the door to greet the Tates, the script calls for ad lib greetings.
- Episode: Ad lib greetings
are added.
- Script: Calls for Endora to
change the roast beef to Cornish hen.
- Episode: Lobster Thermador
replaces all references to Cornish hen.
- Script: Calls for Louise to
notice the painting, and the group discuss it.
- Episode: The exact
wording of the script has many minor changes. None change the length
of the scene or the general meaning.
- Script: Calls for Samantha
to say, "Dinner is served", and a fade to the Dining Room.
- Episode: Before Samantha's
line, lines by Endora and Samantha are added: Endora's line about,
"Behind every great man . . .", and Samantha's line about "letting
her do the spurring", are moved up from a later scene that was cut
entirely.
- Script: After Larry and Darrin's
lines: "He'll do your picture", and "Larry, you don't understand .
. .", the script calls for the conversation to continue. There is
also extended action as Endora puts a spell on Darrin to make him
do first a sketch, then complete the drawing on the tablecloth. The
figure is a girl with her leg lifted showing ruffled panties. Darrin
signs the drawing "Toulouse - Stephens." The script calls for the
drawing sequence to be accompanied by lively French background music
such as "Gaite Parisienne." The scene continues with Endora telling
Larry that Darrin can't paint Louise because she doesn't inspire him.
Larry takes this to mean he finds Louise dull and takes exception
to the comment.
- Episode: This entire
long section of the scene is cut and resumes with Larry's last lines
in the scene ending with, "Now just think about it."
- Script: After Darrin suggests
he get a cast on his right arm, Samantha has the line: " Darrin, will
you be serious."
- Episode: The line
is extended: "All you'll have to do is wear that cast until Louise
forgets about the painting. Which will be never!"
- Script: Following Darrin's
line: "You'll put a spell on me" there is a fade out.
- Episode: Samantha
has the line: " I wish I had thought of that" added just before the
fade out.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Calls for Ad lib good-byes
as Larry and Louise leave.
- Episode: Ad lib good-byes
are added.
ACT II
Tate Living Room:
- Script: Calls for Louise to
be showing off her new dress. Larry walks to her and examines the
price tag.
- Episode: This bit
is cut and the scene begins with the arrival of Samantha and Darrin.
- Script: After Larry sees the
painting, he has lines starting with, "My ex friends call me Mr. Tate".
- Episode: Before the
above lines, the following lines are added for Samantha and Larry:
Samantha: Lines are added about how the eyes follow you around.
Larry: Lines are added about how the eyes are looking at each other.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Calls for a letter
to be on the table with a message from Endora.
- Episode: Endora's
message is written on a balloon.
- Script. Samantha does not read
the message out loud.
- Episode: Samantha
reads the letter off the balloon. After which Darrin has the line
added about Endora not keeping her word.
- Script: After Samantha's line
about Endora not resisting one last funny, the script calls for the
following lines:
Darrin: Endora!
Samantha: Forget it, Sweetheart. She's on her way to the mid-east.
Darrin: Why the Mideast? They've already got a war.
- Episode: These lines
are replaced with lines by Darrin about how Endora could change one
of Samantha's spells, and Samantha's line about how Endora did not
change it, but added to it.
- Script: After Samantha's lines
about the nervous tick, she adds that the worst is yet to come; when
Darrin starts to stutter. Following that, Darrin stutters each of
his lines.
- Episode: The lines
about the stuttering are cut as well as the stuttering.
- Script: After Larry and Louise
leave, the script calls for Samantha to rush, laughing, into Darrin's
waiting arms, followed by a fade out.
- Episode: These lines
are added:
Darrin: Was that absolutely necessary?
Samantha: Well it worked. Samantha then steps to Darrin and they kiss
as the scene fades.
Stephens' Living Room:
- Script: Darrin says that Samantha
could have been painted by Van Gough or Renoir.
- Episode: Darrin says
that Samantha could have been painted by Toulouse-Lautrec or Renoir.
- Script: After Darrin's line,
" Yeah, yeah", Samantha has the line: [thoughtfully] " And then again
. . .what kind of a witch would I be if I didn't manage to grow old
with you.
- Episode: Samantha's
line is cut.
END
#
199, Turn on the Old Charm
TEASER
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
DARRIN: Sam . ..
SAMANTHA: Yes?
- Episode:
SAMANTHA: Here’s some more coffee, Sweetheart.
DARRIN: Thanks! Sam . . .
SAMANTHA: Yes?
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Who’s Augustus Sunshine?
DARRIN: Owner and head writer of the Sunshine Greeting Card Company.
- Episode:
SAMANTHA: Who’s Augustus Sunshine?
DARRIN: Owner and head writer of the Happy Hearts Greeting Card Company.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Yoo hoo . . .Esmeralda! [a] [In fades a
hat and purse as worn and carried by Esmeralda, who is not yet visible].
ESMERALDA’S VOICE: Whatever it is, I didn’t do it, or
I did it accidentally.
SAMANTHA: Esmeralda, nothing’s wrong, so you can come out wherever
you are.
- Episode: The lines
after [a] are cut.
- Script:
ESMERALDA: Any other time, but I couldn’t cancel Ramon now.
Not after all that pleading.
DARRIN: [a] Who was doing the pleading?
- Episode: After [a]
the line is changed to:
DARRIN: He was pleading with you?
ACT I
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: This is it. [Samantha holds a medallion that resembles a
peace symbol.]
DARRIN: It looks like an ordinary peace symbol.
SAMANTHA: This is no ordinary peace symbol. This is the original peace
symbol.
DARRIN: Really?[a]
SAMANTHA: Darrin, let’s get on with it. There are two rules
. . . .
- Episode: The lines
before [a] are cut. [The medallion does not look
like a peace symbol]
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Mother, are you all right?
ENDORA: No. My [a] behavior toward Durwood indicates
that I am quite ill.
- Episode: At [a]
“disgustingly sweet” is inserted.
Darrin’s Office:
- Script:
LARRY: Mr. Sunshine, it’s a pleasure to meet you.
SUNSHINE: [quoting]:
In the recipe of life, the ideal blendship,
To ward off strife, is known as friendship.
[a]Sunshine Greeting Card Number 3417-Y.
- Episode: [a]“Sunshine”
is replaced with “Happy Hearts”.
- Script:
LARRY: I blame it on inflation and tight money. [a]
SUNSHINE: You know what else didn’t sell? Our Sunshine Christmas
Card number 2685-Y:
When our daily needs no longer tickle us,
What the spirit needs is Old Saint Nicholas.
LARRY: I sent that card to my entire family.
- Episode: The lines
after [a] are cut.
Stephens’ Entry Hall:
- Script:
DARRIN: Let’s see if I can call her. Endora! Endora, your Darrin
wants you. [Endora POPS in]
ENDORA: Ah, my family hero is home. May I serve you a dry martini?
DARRIN: Okay, if you insist. [Endora ZAPS up a martini which she hands
to Darrin.]
Thank you, Endora.
ENDORA: Too dry? - - -Too wet?
DARRIN: It’s adequate.
ENDORA: Thank you. Coming from you that’s high praise indeed.
Now sit down and let me massage your neck. [The scene shifts to the
Living Room] [Samantha enters end sees Endora massaging Darrin’s
neck. She mistakes it as attempted strangulation].
SAMANTHA: Mother, don’t do it. For a moment, I thought Darrin
lost his charm. [Note the double meaning of this line.]
ENDORA: He’ll never lose his charm.
SAMANTHA: I certainly hope not. Mother, were you able to make your
appointment with Dr. Bombay?
ENDORA: I couldn’t find him . . . .right now I don’t remember
why I wanted to see him.
DARRIN: Thank you, Endora. That will be enough.
ENDORA: What else would you like me to do for you, Darrin dear?
DARRIN: Nothing at the moment, but I’ll call you if I need anything.
ENDORA: Any time, night or day. [She POPS out].
SAMANTHA: [reproachingly] Darrin, you ignored my advice and called
her didn’t you?
DARRIN: I couldn’t resist.
SAMANTHA: Sweetheart, do you know what the Empress Josephine said
to the Emperor Napoleon when he told her he wanted to conquer the
world?
DARRIN: No, what did she say?
SAMANTHA: She said, and I quote, “Tu as beacoup de chance pour
un main de ta taille, mais la chose n’a qu’en temps”.
DARRIN: Which in English means?
SAMANTHA: Don’t push your luck.
- Episode: The entire
above scene is cut.
ACT II
Stephens’ Bedroom:
- Script:
SAMANTHA: Well . . .maybe after all these years his charm and natural
sweetness has finally reached you. [a]
ENDORA: I don’t understand it. It’s conduct unbecoming
a witch.
SAMANTHA: Mother, you don’t have to feel guilty. Just relax
and enjoy your new-found friendship.
- Episode: The lines
after [a] are cut.
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script: DARRIN: Care to make
me a sandwich? [Endora does not respond] [a] Come
on. You wouldn’t want me to strain my fingers, would you?
- Episode: The lines
after [a] are cut.
- Script:
DARRIN: Endora, would you excuse me for a second? I have to - -
ENDORA: Kiddo, you’re not going anywhere; [a]
not until I make up for a few things.
- Episode: The line
after [a] is cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: If Mother ever finds out about that amulet, you’re
going to learn that L’onfer n’a aucure furie comme une
sorciere microbez.
DARRIN: Which means?
SAMANTHA: [a] Hell hath no fury greater than a bugged
witch.
- Episode: The line
after [a] is changed to: “Hell hath no fury
like a bugged witch”.
Stephens' Entry:
- Script: The script calls for
Darrin and Samantha to go to the back door [kitchen] to exit.
- Episode: They exit
through the front door.
Stephens’ Living Room:
- Script: ENDORA: Samantha, I’m
hurt. And I’m angry. I’m so furious I’m going to
punish both of you. [a] And I’m going to make
you as nasty to each other as you were to me.
- Episode: The line
after [a] is cut.
- Script: SAMANTHA: I don’t
understand it. [a] I’m a person that would
walk a mile to stay out of an argument [b]. Why am
I so hostile?
- Episode: The line
between [a] and [b] is cut.
- Script:
SAMANTHA: How about this one?
Married life is never humdrum,
When you’re stuck with such a dumb-dumb.
Samantha Stephens Number 86.
SUNSHINE: Good day. [a]
LARRY: [reproving] Samantha, that’s a fine thing to say.
SAMANTHA: [brightly] I kind of liked it. Sunshine Greeting Card Number
1803-K [b]
[Sunshine exits followed by Larry]
LARRY: Now just a minute, Mr. Sunshine. I’m sure that this is
just a momentary thing and . . .[c] . . .you shouldn’t
allow it to interfere with any business arrangements that we might
. . .
- Episode: The lines
between [a] and [b] are cut as well
as the lines after [c].
- Script: [Endora has POPPED
out.]
DARRIN: Good riddance! [Darrin and Samantha kiss. [a]
Esmeralda clears her throat. Darrin and Samantha turn to look at her].
ESMERALDA: Excuse me. Samantha, am I correct in assuming he doesn’t
have a magic hold on you?
SAMANTHA: No, Esmeralda, he does. But it’s not the kind of magic
you’re accustomed to. [b] Darrin and Samantha
kiss again. Esmeralda sighs wistfully, then POPS out.
- Episode: The lines
and action between [a] and [b] are
cut.
- Script:
LARRY: You call the way you two went at each other good-natured?
SAMANTHA: Absolutely. [a] The point we’re trying
to make is that people in love can exchange insults as terms of endearment.
[b] Didn’t you see the humor in that? [c]
LARRY: No, I didn’t.
DARRIN: Well, obviously Mr. Sunshine saw the humor in out little play
acting. Otherwise why would he have wanted to come back?
SAMANTHA: Yes . . . .the humor sometimes has a delayed action. [Sunshine
reacts confused but it does explain his sudden impulse to come back
to the Stephens’ house].[d]
SUNSHINE: Yes, I guess it was pretty funny.
- Episode: The lines
between [a] and [b] are cut as are
the lines between [c] and [d].
TRAILER
Stephens’ Kitchen:
- Script and Episode
agree.
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