BEWITCHED MEETS I DREAM OF JEANNIE
by Vince Nolan
Animation
by Christopher
Krieg
OPENING CREDITS: ANIMATED
"I DREAM OF JEANNIE" THEME SONG
Jeannie's bottle sits in kitchen on table, stove and sink in background. Pan on stove. Cork on table next to bottle. Jeannie comes out of bottle in puff of pink smoke. Major Nelson walks in, Jeannie dances over to him. She kisses him, blinks. They turn into smoke, go into bottle.
"BEWITCHED" THEME SONG
Darrin walks into the same kitchen followed by a black cat, stands next to stove. Cat jumps onto table. As it jumps into Darrin's arms it knocks bottle to floor. Cat changes into Samantha. She kisses Darrin, notices bottle on floor. She twitches her nose, bottle floats back onto table. Cork flies into place. Close up on bottle. Two pairs of frantic eyes blink inside. Samantha and Darrin do not notice as pan on stove bubbles over with smoke and fills scene.
INT DOOR READS: DARRIN STEPHENS, ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE,
MCMANN AND TATE,
CAPTION READS: MADISON AVENUE, NEW YORK CITY, 1968
INT OFFICE
DARRIN STEPHENS, a dark-haired man of thirty, wearing a suit, sits at his desk on the phone.
DARRIN
Yes, sweetheart.
(pauses)
No, Samantha, I promised you I'd be home in time to take you to Sorrento's for dinner and I meant it, even if Larry barges in with some earth-shattering news.
LARRY TATE, a tall man of fifty, with white hair and moustache, wearing a suit, enters.
LARRY
Darrin, my boy, have I got news for you!
(sees Darrin on phone, sits down to wait)
DARRIN
(to himself)
Incredible.
(to Samantha, accusing)
Sam, that's not funny!
(pauses, then apologetic)
Oh, okay then, darling, coincidence it is. But I will be home on time, so you go right ahead and contact Aunt Clara about babysitting.
(pauses)
Well, honey, if she's our only runner-up I'll even settle for your mother. If that doesn't prove how much I want us to have some time alone, I don't what will.
LARRY
Tell Samantha I say hi, you lucky son of a gun.
(jabs Darrin playfully on shoulder)
And hurry up, this news is big! Really big!
DARRIN
Larry says hi, Sam, and that he wouldn't dream of interrupting our evening with business.
(Larry raises an eyebrow in disbelief)
I'll see you later. I love you, too.
(hangs up phone, to Larry)
Has anyone ever told you your timing is eerily impeccable?
LARRY
What can I say? This old gray fox knows how to take a cue. You and Sam going out on the town tonight?
DARRIN
Yes. We have reservations at the same restaurant where we had our first date.
LARRY
Special occasion?
DARRIN
No. It's just that we haven't spent much time together lately. I figured we could have a romantic evening alone. You and Louise should try it sometime. You'll see each other in a whole new light.
LARRY
With Louise it would have to be a solar eclipse. Guess who I was just on the phone with?
DARRIN
The High Llama. He wants us to spearhead a Zen Yogi advertising campaign.
LARRY
No. General Peterson. Does that name ring any bells?
DARRIN
Not a one.
LARRY
He's one of the top brass at NASA.
DARRIN
NASA? That got my attention. Go on, Larry.
LARRY
It seems they're too involved with getting to the moon to spread the word as effectively as they'd like. So guess what agency they hired to do that little task for them?
DARRIN
I'm guessing it's not Shelby and Associates. I don't understand, Larry. Every night I turn on the news and see a story about their progress. And the print news is getting just as much access from the government. I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth, but why do they need us?
LARRY
Because, my boy, they want something a bit more sophisticated than the TV news and papers have the time or space to provide-an in-depth look at one of NASA's top astronauts, going through his paces in training for a manned space flight.
DARRIN
That certainly would put a new spin on it, wouldn't it?
LARRY
Yep. A day in the life of a true American hero. He'll be profiled every step of the way, from kissing the wife good-bye in the morning to a blast-off right from the launch pad. And at the same time we manage to get across the message that it's every patriotic citizen's duty to support NASA's efforts.
DARRIN
Larry, this is great. And hands down the most prestigious account we've ever handled. And what an endorsement for the agency!
LARRY
I know! We'll be our own best advertisement. We'll also be rolling in more dough than we ever have before.
DARRIN
Larry, let me shake the hand of the man who asks not what he can do for his country, but what his country can do for his wallet.
They shake hands.
LARRY
Darrin, as a capitalist I'm world champ. So clear your schedule for the week and head to NASA to get your campaign started.
DARRIN
My campaign!? You mean you're giving me the account?
LARRY
Of course. Who could do a better job than the current advertising man of the year? Madison Avenue has spoken. Who am I to argue?
DARRIN
Larry, I don't know how to thank you.
LARRY
Just make us lots of money, Darrin.
DARRIN
Will do, chief. Gee, just think of it, me working side by side with the likes of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin.
LARRY
Oh, no, Darrin. Neil and his crew are too busy to devote time to our campaign. NASA has selected another man who's just as popular and visible, but not involved with Apollo 11. You'll be working with a Major Anthony Nelson.
DARRIN
(disappointed)
Oh. Well, Maybe this Major Nelson can get me Armstrong's autograph.
LARRY
That's the spirit. I'll be joining you in a few days for a conference with the general. In the meantime try to squeeze a contract out of them for any of NASA's future business.
DARRIN
Sure thing, Lar. Maybe we can handle their first trip to Mars.
LARRY
Mars, Venus, Jupiter...as long as they're paying us. Now get on the horn and get in touch with this astronaut Nelson. Personalize things a bit.
DARRIN
Gotcha, Larry. Say, maybe I should ask Samantha along.
LARRY
Just make sure she doesn't show up on your expense account.
EXT NASA, CAPE KENNEDY, FLORIDA
INT OFFICE DOOR READS, MAJOR ANTHONY NELSON, NASA SPACE
PROGRAM
INT OFFICE
MAJOR NELSON, a dark-haired man of thirty in blue military uniform sits at his desk on the phone.
MAJOR NELSON
Yes, Mr. Stephens, my senior officer Doctor Bellows has briefed me on this campaign. I look forward to being involved. It sounds very interesting.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Well, Major, with that kind of enthusiasm I'm sure it will be.
MAJOR NELSON
I've cleared my schedule so I can begin whenever you're ready.
DARRIN
(voice over)
I was just about to do that myself. I should be there sometime tomorrow afternoon.
MAJOR NELSON
Fine. I'll pick you up at the airport.
Major Nelson swivels in his chair, faces window. JEANNIE appears behind him. She is young, blond, and pretty, with a ponytail and wearing a pink harem costume. She stands in front of the desk and quietly waits for him to notice her.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Thank you. Oh incidentally, Major, I was wondering if you could recommend a hotel down there for my wife and myself.
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, you're bringing your wife?
Jeannie looks optimistic. Major Nelson turns back in chair, sees her, and startled at her quiet entrance drops phone on floor.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Major Nelson? Are you still there?
JEANNIE
Hello, Master, I was just wondering what you wish for dinner tonight. What are you doing?
MAJOR NELSON
I'm getting ready to meet with a Mr. Stephens about some advertising for the base. And I wish you wouldn't blink in like that. I almost jumped high enough to reach the moon without NASA.
JEANNIE
Is that what you wish, my darling master?
MAJOR NELSON
Don't you dare!
DARRIN
(voice over)
Major Nelson?
MAJOR NELSON
(picks up phone)
Yes, I'm here. Sorry about that. NASA's visitors usually stay at the Blue Palms Hotel. It's near the base.
JEANNIE
(taps him on shoulder)
Master, ask he and his wife to stay with us. It will be fun to entertain, just like other married couples do.
MAJOR NELSON
(covering the mouthpiece on the phone)
No, Jeannie. I don't think that would work out. We haven't been married that long and I don't think you're...I mean, we're ready for houseguests.
JEANNIE
Oh, but Master, please. We are ready. I can have a guestroom appear in a blink
MAJOR NELSON
I know. That's what I'm afraid of. Now I said no, Jeannie. That's the end of it.
(he turns his chair away. Jeannie giggles and blinks, to Darrin)
But instead of staying there, Mr. Stephens, why don't you and your wife stay with me and my wife at our house. We have a comfortable new guestroom.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Are you sure? We'd hate to impose.
MAJOR NELSON
(struggling for control)
Well, if that's how you feel...
(Jeannie blinks again)
...we insist. My wife is standing right here and she'd love the company.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Well as long as you're both sure, thank you, Samantha and I accept. We'll see you tomorrow then.
(hangs up phone)
MAJOR NELSON
Hello? Wait! Mr. Stephens?
(hangs up phone, to Jeannie)
Great, they'll be here tomorrow.
JEANNIE
What time tomorrow? I cannot wait! I know! I shall make it tomorrow now, so that they will be here and I do not have to wait.
MAJOR NELSON
You just blink that idea right out of your head. They'll be here soon enough. After all, someone who's lived for over two thousand years shouldn't have a problem waiting twenty-four hours.
JEANNIE
I suppose that you are right. Besides, I shall need time to make the house ready for our company.
MAJOR NELSON
That's my girl! You go do that while I get some work done. Just one more thing, darling.
JEANNIE
Yes, Master?
MAJOR NELSON
Let's stop this "master" business, ok? I want you to get use to calling me Anthony. We're husband and wife now, not master and genie.
JEANNIE
Very well, Mast-, I mean, Anthony. I shall go and prepare for their arrival. Oh, just think of it, our first guests as husband and wife. I am so excited I could blow the cork right out of my bottle.
MAJOR NELSON
Which reminds me, while the Stephens are staying with us I want you to promise you won't perform any magic in front of either of them.
JEANNIE
But, Anthony, how can I clean the house and prepare the meals without my blink?
MAJOR NELSON
I don't mind you using your powers. You know that. But I would mind if the Stephens saw the dishes washing themselves or the vacuum running on its own. Just don't get caught, is all I'm asking.
JEANNIE
I do not see why I should be ashamed. After all, the genies in my family go all the way back to Aladdin, and-
(he silences her with a kiss)
MAJOR NELSON
I'm proud of you, too, darling, but not enough to get drummed out of the space program. Now, I want your promise. Please, Jeannie, behave around the Stephens, huh? Especially around Mrs. Stephens. You'll be spending most of your time with her anyway.
JEANNIE
Very well. I promise, so help me, Great Hagi. Although it is as bad as putting the cork in my bottle.
MAJOR NELSON
You don't sleep in your bottle anymore. Remember? This whole experience presents a new opportunity for you to see how a typical American housewife behaves.
(to himself)
And hopefully let some of her normalcy rub off on you.
EXT STEPHENS' HOUSE
INT KITCHEN
SAMANTHA STEPHENS, a pretty, young, blond woman, wearing a blouse and Capri pants, stands at the sink washing dishes. Suddenly the dishes disappear from the sink and her hands.
SAMANTHA
Mother! How many times must I tell you that I like doing it myself.
The dishes reappear in the sink and in her hands. ENDORA, Samantha's mother, appears. She has red hair, wears exotic make-up, and lavender and green robes.
ENDORA
I was only trying to help, dear.
SAMANTHA
Thanks just the same.
ENDORA
I suppose I'll never understand the allure soapsuds and dishpan hands hold for you, Samantha.
SAMANTHA
(ignores Endora's comment)
And thanks for staying with Tabitha tonight. Darrin and I haven't had any time alone together lately. He's been so busy.
ENDORA
You know, Samantha, if you had married one of those warlocks that was so in love with you, you wouldn't be spending your time waiting for Durwood. All he thinks about is work.
SAMANTHA
Mother, please. You just don't understand Darrin. He's taking me out tonight, isn't he?
Darrin enters from the kitchen door, kisses Samantha.
DARRIN
Hello, sweetheart. Hi, Endora. I see you finally crawled out from under that house that fell on you.
ENDORA
Careful, Durweed, or a house may fall on you.
(begins to wave her arms, Darrin recoils, Samantha stops her)
SAMANTHA
Now, Mother, Darrin, stop it both of you.
DARRIN
All right. I hereby call a truce.
SIMULTANEOUSLY
SAMANTHA
You do?
ENDORA
You do?
DARRIN
Yes, considering that I need to cancel our date tonight.
SAMANTHA
Sweetheart, no. Why?
ENDORA
Because he's a mortal, my dear, that's why.
DARRIN
Endora, I'm a hair's breadth away from having you declared a national disaster.
SAMANTHA
(sighs)
That must be the shortest truce in recorded history.
ENDORA
Well I didn't break it. Blame the mortal. They never stick to their word.
DARRIN
Oh, is that so? Well for your information Samantha and I are getting some time together, because I'm going to Florida on business and I'm taking her with me.
SAMANTHA
Darrin, really? Florida?
DARRIN
Larry just assigned me an account for NASA. Our campaign subject Major Nelson has invited both of us to stay with him and his wife at their home in Cocoa Beach while we work. The trip will last for at least a week. I realize this is short notice, but I thought we might be able to squeeze in some time alone together, too.
ENDORA
NASA? Who is NASA?
SAMANTHA
NASA, Mother, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Darrin's going to help them reach the moon.
DARRIN
Not exactly, sweetheart. But my efforts should free them up enough to meet their projected deadlines for a moon landing.
ENDORA
All this fuss just to get to the moon? If I've been there once I've been there a thousand times.
DARRIN
Visiting the dark side, no doubt.
ENDORA
(feigns sweetness)
Derweed, are you familiar with the mortal expression, out of sight, out of mind.
DARRIN
Yes. Why?
ENDORA
Let's see if it holds true.
Endora waves her arms. Darrin disappears.
SAMANTHA
Darrin, where are you? Mother, where's Darrin?
ENDORA
Drat! It's not true. Even I remember beady-eyes.
SAMANTHA
(more frantic)
Darrin? Darrin?! Mother, what have you done?
ENDORA
About what?
SAMANTHA
About Darrin.
ENDORA
Just giving the dear boy his wish. He wanted to get to the moon.
EXT THE SURFACE OF THE MOON
Darrin appears and looks around. He sees the earth behind him and clenches his fists.
DARRIN
One day that woman is going to push me too far.
(in a panic)
Samantha! Sam!
INT THE STEPHENS' KITCHEN
SAMANTHA
Mother! The moon?! You bring him back this minute. How can he breathe up there?
ENDORA
Oh, Samantha, I'm not a murderess. I took care of that. He's fine.
SAMANTHA
Bring him back, Mother.
ENDORA
Now, let's not be hasty.
SAMANTHA
Mother, you bring him back now or we won't let you babysit while we're gone.
ENDORA
Oh, Samantha, using my own granddaughter against me? You're becoming more mortal every minute.
SAMANTHA
Thank you, Mother. Now I'll count to three. One-
ENDORA
All right. That will do.
(she raises her arms, Darrin reappears)
There you are. Happy now?
SAMANTHA
Very.
Darrin moves in on Endora, but Samantha stops him.
DARRIN
Endora, I don't know what I'd do without you, but I'm willing to give it a try.
SAMANTHA
Easy, sweetheart.
ENDORA
Dear, since you don't need to babysit tonight, I think I'll make myself scarce.
DARRIN
I was just about to suggest that.
SAMANTHA
(puts a protective distance between Darrin and Endora)
Ok, Mother. You'll be back tomorrow to stay with Tabitha?
ENDORA
(gestures with her arms and disappears)
INT CLOSE UP ON THE STEPHENS' KITCHEN DOOR WINDOW
GLADYS KRAVITZ, a middle-age woman in a housedress, carrying an empty cup, looks in through the glass. She gasps and knocks on the door. Samantha and Darrin sigh as they notice her.
DARRIN
Oh, great, just what we need.
SAMANTHA
Her timing is true to form, isn't it?
DARRIN
Always.
Samantha barely opens the door when Gladys rushes in and points an accusing finger at Darrin.
GLADYS
I know what I saw this time. He was there, then he wasn't, then he was. Then she was there and then she wasn't.
SAMANTHA
(ignoring Gladys)
Hello, Mrs. Kravitz. And what'll it be today? Sugar or flour?
DARRIN
We always keep plenty of both in stock.
GLADYS
But I saw it.
SIMULTANEOUSLY
SAMANTHA
Saw what?
DARRIN
Saw what?
SAMANTHA
Mrs. Kravitz, you know you can't always trust your eyes looking through that door's window....it's um....well-
DARRIN
Frosted. Those panes of glass are cut so thick, why it's almost like looking through a fun house mirror. Things don't always appear as they are.
GLADYS
Nothing around this place ever appears as it really is, Mrs. Stephens...
(trails off)
...except to me, but Abner never believes me...not once.
SAMANTHA
Mrs. Kravitz? Sugar or flour?
GLADYS
Oh. Both. Or neither. I forget now.
DARRIN
(pushes her gently toward the door)
Well, when you remember you just come right on back. Have a good day.
GLADYS
But-I...
SAMANTHA
Good bye, Mrs. Kravitz.
Darrin shuts the door and walks toward Samantha, who looks apologetic.
DARRIN
Sweetheart, I don't know what I'm looking forward to more, a week away with you, or a week without your relatives to complicate our lives.
SAMANTHA
(putting her arms around him)
Well, will this help you make up your mind?
(she kisses him sweetly on the lips)
DARRIN
I'm not sure. I think I need a little more persuading.
They kiss again.
EXT NELSONS' HOME
INT NELSONS' UPSTAIRS DEN
Jeannie stands at the top of the stairs wearing her pink harem costume.
MAJOR NELSON
(as he climbs the stairs)
Jeannie? You up there?
JEANNIE
Yes, Anthony. I am redecorating.
Major Nelson meets her on the landing and kisses her.
MAJOR NELSON
And what did you have in mind?
JEANNIE
Oh, I am not sure. Perhaps this?
She blinks and the den is transformed into a large, expensively decorated bedroom with a fireplace, living room area and wet bar.
MAJOR NELSON
Perhaps not! This looks like a suite at the Plaza Hotel. Try thinking on a more modest scale, darling.
JEANNIE
But, Master, I mean, Anthony, I can conjure up anything under the sun, including-
MAJOR NELSON
Including an explanation for how I can afford all of this on my salary? Modest, Jeannie, please.
JEANNIE
Very well, Master. I shall try.
MAJOR NELSON
Anthony, remember?
JEANNIE
Sometimes it comes out master for a reason, Anthony.
(she sighs and blinks)
The room is transformed into a modest bedroom with a large closet. A hallway now leads to a new bathroom, as well as a back staircase to the kitchen.
MAJOR NELSON
Now that's much better. You even added another bathroom and a back staircase?
JEANNIE
Yes, Master. The Stephens should have their own bathroom. And I put in the stairs in case they desire something from the kitchen in the night.
MAJOR NELSON
(hugs her to him)
Those are exactly the kinds of things a good hostess thinks of for her guests.
JEANNIE
Thank you, darling. Now I shall get dressed for the ride to the airport.
(she blinks and is clothed in a mod dress with boots)
I am ready.
MAJOR NELSON
Relax, Jeannie
(glances at his watch)
They've only been in the air for an hour.
EXT AIRPLANE IN FLIGHT
INT AIRPLANE CABIN
Samantha is seated near window, Darrin is on aisle.
SAMANTHA
Oh, darling, it's such a beautiful day for a flight. I hope the weather in Florida is this nice the whole time we're there.
DARRIN
I'm sorry, Sam, what did you say?
SAMANTHA
I said I hope the weather in Florida is this nice. What's wrong, sweetheart?
DARRIN
In the rush to get going I left my notes back at the house.
SAMANTHA
You know, I could make an unscheduled detour if you need your notes that badly.
DARRIN
Sam, you know how I feel about that. Why is your first instinct always to use your
(lowers voice)
witchcraft?
SAMANTHA
Because I can, I guess.
DARRIN
I know, you can do anything with anything. That's reason enough to break your word?
SAMANTHA
Darrin, you need your notes. And how else can you get them up here? I'll only be a minute.
DARRIN
(grudgingly)
Well, okay. But try to be inconspicuous. I left the notes on my desk in the den.
SAMANTHA
Sure thing, darling. Be back in a minute.
She kisses him, makes sure no one is looking, scrunches down in seat, snaps fingers, and disappears.
INT STEPHENS' LIVING ROOM
Endora, TABITHA, the Stephens' three-and-a-half-year-old blond, blue-eyed daughter, and MAURICE, Samantha's father, a distinguished man in tails with dark thinning hair, are seated on the couch. Samantha appears.
SAMANTHA
Father. What a surprise!
ENDORA
It was to me, too.
MAURICE
I was on my way to the opera in Vienna and thought I'd stop by for a cocktail
(extends his hand and a martini glass five times normal size appears)
and a quick visit. Besides, hasn't a warlock the right to visit his granddaughter?
ENDORA
Never mind all that. Samantha, what are you doing back? Don't tell me, you and Darwin had a quarrel.
MAURICE
I always told you our daughter would come back to the fold. "This world I do renounce, and in your sights shake patiently my great affliction off." King Lear, act four, scene six.
SAMANTHA
I hate to disappoint you two, but I just popped in for Darrin's notes.
(gestures, notes float over to her, she kisses Tabitha)
Now, Tabitha, you be good and don't let Grandmama teach you any new tricks.
(kisses Maurice)
Good bye, Daddy.
(disappears)
MAURICE
(to Endora, seductively)
Well, my dear, do you have any thoughts about how to pass the time this evening? The opera doesn't start for a while yet, you know.
ENDORA
(coyly)
Well, now that you mention it, I do have an idea or two.
MAURICE
(inches closer to Endora)
Yes, my dear...?
Endora extends her arm, opens her palm and a book appears in her hand, "Shakespeare for Toddlers." She hands it to Maurice.
ENDORA
Why not read your granddaughter a bedtime story while I pop upstairs and zap her bed ready?
(she gestures and disappears)
MAURICE
(to himself as he sighs)
"Oh, that a man's reach should exceed his grasp, for what's a heaven for."
(to Tabitha)
Robert Browning.
INT AIRPLANE CABIN
FEMALE PASSENGER is seated on the aisle across from Darrin. She is nervous and restless, glances at Darrin, gets his attention.
FEMALE PASSENGER
I hate flying, don't you?
DARRIN
Not really.
FEMALE PASSENGER
Wasn't your wife with you?
DARRIN
My wife? Yes, she was. She just stepped out for a minute.
FEMALE PASSENGER
Stepped out? At this altitude?
DARRIN
I mean she went to the powder room.
FEMALE PASSENGER
That's strange. I didn't see her leave her seat.
DARRIN
Yes, well-
Samantha appears in her seat holding Darrin's notes.
SAMANTHA
That's because I pride myself on being unobtrusive.
Female passenger faints.
SAMANTHA
Oh, she must have been tired. She went right to sleep.
(laughs nervously)
DARRIN
Samantha!
SAMANTHA
Well!?
DARRIN
Well what?
SAMANTHA
She looked like she could use the rest.
DARRIN
Thanks for the notes. How is old Double, Double, Toil and Trouble doing with Tabitha?
SAMANTHA
If you're referring to my mother, she and Tabitha are fine. Father was there, too.
DARRIN
Maurice?
(sarcastically)
I'm sorry I missed him. And that's it? No polar bears in the living room or dinosaurs in the backyard?
SAMANTHA
No, silly, when I got there the dinosaurs were in the front yard.
(giggles, Darrin is shocked)
Oh, sweetheart, calm down. I was only kidding.
DARRIN
While we're on the subject, I want you to promise that for the next week you'll try to refrain from using your you-know-what.
(shakes nose to imitate her twitch)
SAMANTHA
Why, Darrin, do you honestly think that I'd give myself away in front of total strangers?
DARRIN
I don't know, Sam. Why don't we ask her?
(points to female passenger still in a faint)
SAMANTHA
Oh, yeah. Well, touche'.
DARRIN
Just promise me you'll keep that nose of yours clean.
SAMANTHA
All right, sweetheart. You have my word. Witch's Honor.
(makes Witch's Honor sign)
INT NELSONS' CAR
Major Nelson drives, Jeannie looks excitedly around. She notices plane overhead.
JEANNIE
Master, darling, is that their plane?
MAJOR NELSON
It might be, Jeannie. Their flight is due any minute. We'll find out soon enough. And remember, it's Anthony...Anthony, not Master.
JEANNIE
Oh, yes, Anthony, my love. I will remember. I get so excited I sometimes forget.
They pull up to a red light.
MAJOR NELSON
Don't forget, as far as the Stephens are concerned you and I are just typical newlyweds. No problems, no cares, no magic carpets. By the way, where did you hide the magic carpet?
JEANNIE
Oh, it is rolled up in the garage. Do not fret, Anthony, they will not guess a thing. This colored light has not changed in some time. Do you suppose it is broken?
MAJOR NELSON
No, darling, I think you're just impatient to get going.
JEANNIE
Yes, Anthony, you are right. I am.
(she blinks, light changes green)
MAJOR NELSON
You see, all it takes is a little patience.
They move on and the car behind them begins to move as well. Jeannie blinks again, light changes red. The car behind them screeches to a halt and gets hit by the car behind it. Major Nelson pulls over when he hears crash, looks behind him. Jeannie looks straight ahead. He turns to her and taps her on shoulder. She slowly turns her head toward him.
JEANNIE
Yes, Anthony, dearest?
MAJOR NELSON
I want to be fair, my eager little bride, so I'll ask you this question. Did you cause that accident back there?
JEANNIE
Which accident, Anthony?
MAJOR NELSON
Don't tell me you caused more than one?
JEANNIE
No, Anthony. Just that one back there.
(realizes she's caught)
Oh, by Hagi's turban!
MAJOR NELSON
Your fit of impatience has made us late to pick up the Stephens. I hope in the future you'll remember this when you're in a hurry.
JEANNIE
I shall remember.
MAJOR NELSON
And I also hope that was your last public blink. You still don't understand, do you? Your magic always leads to trouble-for me.
JEANNIE
Yes, Anthony, but it has also gotten us back out of the trouble it has gotten us into, has it not?
MAJOR NELSON
(puts head down on steering wheel, lightly pounds forehead into it)
Yes, Jeannie, I suppose it has. Thank you for clearing that up for me.
JEANNIE
Oh, you are welcome, husband, darling. Any time you need me to remind you of such things, you know that I shall be here to do so.
MAJOR NELSON
That's a great comfort to me, sweetheart. Now we had better make tracks before the Stephens think we've forgotten them.
JEANNIE
Make tracks?
MAJOR NELSON
Yes, you know, we need to speed things up.
JEANNIE
Oh, that is very easy to do. Watch this.
She crosses arms, he notices but is too late to stop her from blinking. Car starts moving remarkably fast.
MAJOR NELSON
(voice over)
Jeannie!
EXT AIRPLANE LANDS
EXT AIRPORT TERMINAL
The Stephens wait. They glance around for Major Nelson's car.
SAMANTHA
They knew our flight schedule, didn't they?
DARRIN
Yes. I told Major Nelson our arrival time. They know. They might have hit traffic.
SAMANTHA
I hope Major Nelson isn't that bad a driver.
DARRIN
(as they turn their backs on the road)
You are tired, Sam. It always strains your humor.
SAMANTHA
Everybody's a critic.
Jeannie and Major Nelson, still moving fast, stop a few feet from Stephens.
JEANNIE
Oh, Master! Over there!
(points to the Stephens)
Is that them? Oh, by Allah, it must be!
(Jeannie honks horn, waves excitedly)
SAMANTHA
There they are. Shall we?
JEANNIE
Oh, honored guests, welcome! I am Jeannie Nelson.
SAMANTHA
It's nice to meet you. I'm Samantha Stephens, and this is my husband, Darrin.
JEANNIE
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, this is my husband, Major Anthony Nelson. Darling, this is-
MAJOR NELSON
I bet I can guess, Jeannie.
(he shakes hands with Darrin and Samantha)
Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, it's great to meet you. Sorry to have kept you waiting. We were unavoidably detained.
DARRIN
Oh? Traffic or something?
MAJOR NELSON
Or something is more like it.
(glances at Jeannie)
Shall we put your things in the trunk, Mr. Stephens?
DARRIN
That would be fine, but please, make it Darrin and Samantha.
MAJOR NELSON
All right, Darrin, as long as you both make it Tony and Jeannie.
JEANNIE
Tell me, Samantha, how was your flight in the sky?
SAMANTHA
My flight? The flight to Florida! Oh, it was beautiful. The weather was clear and the sky was such a pretty shade of blue.
(she and Jeannie climb into backseat)
JEANNIE
Oh, thank you. That has always been my favorite shade of blue. I am glad you liked it.
SAMANTHA
I beg your pardon?
JEANNIE
Well, I had heard that it might rain today, and I would not allow your flight to be postponed. After all, you and Darrin are the first guests that Anthony and I have ever had. The clouds are a little thicker than I had in mind, but I made sure that at least they are not rainclouds.
(she is about to say more but notices the Stephens' looks of confusion)
MAJOR NELSON
There's nothing like my wife's sense of humor. That's one of the things that first attracted me to her, her ability to make me laugh
(to himself)
and cry, and panic, and hyperventilate.
Samantha gives Jeannie quizzical look. Darrin gives Major Nelson same look. Four look straight ahead as Major Nelson drives.
EXT NELSONS' HOME
INT FRONT DOOR
As front door opens, Major Nelson and Darrin have luggage in hand.
MAJOR NELSON
Why don't we put these things upstairs out of the way. Come on, folks, I'll show you your room. Jeannie, are you coming?
JEANNIE
You go ahead, Anthony. I shall start the refreshments. Samantha and Darrin must be hungry after their journey.
SAMANTHA
Do you need a hand, Jeannie?
JEANNIE
Oh, that is very sweet of you, but I already have two of them.
DARRIN
You're right, Tony, her sense of humor is special. Jeannie, you're a treasure.
MAJOR NELSON
And one day I may just bury her.
Jeannie shrugs, walks into kitchen as others proceed upstairs.
INT NELSONS' GUEST BEDROOM
Major Nelson and Darrin enter, followed by Samantha. They set bags down.
MAJOR NELSON
I hope you'll be comfortable, folks.
SAMANTHA
Oh, Tony, this is lovely. I doubt any hotel could be as charming.
MAJOR NELSON
Thank you. It could have a sitting area and a wet bar.
(laughs, the Stephens looked puzzled)
But I can't take any of the credit. Jeannie converted this room for guests. Before that it was my den, in my bachelor days.
DARRIN
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you and Jeannie been together?
MAJOR NELSON
Jeannie came to live here two years ago this past September.
SAMANTHA
But I thought Jeannie told me in the car that you've only been married a few months?
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, yes, well, Jeannie came here two years ago as a domestic, of sorts.
SAMANTHA
And you two fell in love and wed? That's so romantic. Isn't it, Darrin?
DARRIN
You bet!
MAJOR NELSON
And how about you two? What's your story?
DARRIN
It's a short story, really. Samantha and I met a little over four years ago. We both walked through the same revolving door one day and just kept getting in each other's way until we decided to sit down and talk it over before we had an accident. A few weeks later I made the best decision of my life and asked Sam to marry me.
SAMANTHA
And I made the best decision of my life and said yes.
DARRIN
I had little choice, though, Tony. Samantha cast a spell on me I'm powerless to break.
MAJOR NELSON
Well, I'd say that the four of us owe a lot to fate. I'll let you two get settled.
(exits)
SAMANTHA
(unpacks clothes)
Just think, Darrin, a whole week in this east coast paradise.
DARRIN
Well, sweetheart, you just make the most of it. I'm only sorry I won't have more time to spend with you. Here, let me get that.
(puts empty suitcase on top shelf of closet)
But you'll have Jeannie for company. She's a lovely girl, isn't she?
SAMANTHA
Oh, sure, sweetheart.
(pulls him down to sit on bed)
But there is something about her that strikes me as odd. Doesn't it hit you that way?
DARRIN
No, not really. Oh, sure, maybe her sense of humor is a bit off center, but is that so unusual?
SAMANTHA
I suppose not.
DARRIN
While we're on the subject, I would like it if you'd make an extra effort to get to know Jeannie.
SAMANTHA
(suspicious)
Why is that so important?
DARRIN
For one thing, I'm working on the biggest account McMann and Tate has ever landed and I want us both to make good impressions. And, for another, you are the most important thing in the world to me and I want you to have a good time.
SAMANTHA
That's sweet of you, darling.
(kisses him on cheek)
And I will. You'll see. I'm sure that Jeannie and I will get along fine.
DARRIN
Sam, you're a witch in a million. Are you ready to head downstairs?
SAMANTHA
(looks at remaining suitcases)
But we still have these bags to unpack.
DARRIN
(tries to pull her up from bed)
Honey, we're not going to wear all of these clothes in one day. They'll keep.
SAMANTHA
But everything will get wrinkled if I let it go much longer.
DARRIN
Later, Samantha. Our hosts are waiting.
He gets her to her feet, pulls her toward door. She hesitates a moment, twitches her nose. Clothes move quickly from suitcases to closet and drawers. As Darrin turns he glances in mirror near door, sees her spell at work.
DARRIN
Sam, you gave me your word! Your Witch's Honor! I thought that was unbreakable?
SAMANTHA
It is, Darrin. I didn't break it. I promised not to give myself away, and I haven't. The Nelsons will never guess a thing.
DARRIN
Sure, sure. Meanwhile we're staying under their roof and-
SAMANTHA
And what?
DARRIN
I just thought of something. Tony works for NASA, right?
SAMANTHA
Of course he does. Isn't that why we're here?
DARRIN
No, Sam, I mean if he wanted to, he could get his hands on some heavy-duty surveillance equipment, couldn't he?
SAMANTHA
Surveillance equipment? Darrin, you're living a "Mission: Impossible" episode. Besides, we've given him no reason to suspect us of anything.
DARRIN
I guess you're right. Let's keep it that way, okay?
INT NELSONS' KITCHEN
JEANNIE
Refreshments, refreshments. Think, Jeannie, what is refreshing? A summer shower? No, they cannot drink that. Besides, it is only spring. Lemonade? Oh, yes! That is cold enough and it is refreshing.
(blinks, tray appears on counter with glass pitcher of lemonade, four tall glasses and a single red rose in a vase in center)
Oh, how lovely! But what if they do not like lemonade? Perhaps iced tea instead?
(blinks again, lemonade turns into iced tea)
This should please Samantha and Darrin. Now, for something to eat. Well, I am blinking a feast for this evening, so I should keep it light. What is light?
(blinks, another tray appears with bowl of assorted fruits, dates, nuts, small plate of finger sandwiches)
Just like Momma used to blink.
Major Nelson enters.
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, Jean-
(stops, observes her)
JEANNIE
(picks up beverage tray, is about to turn around)
On second thought, citrus fruit makes more sense here in the-what does Anthony call it?-the Sunshine state. That is it! Maybe they would like orange juice instead.
(sets tray down, blinks, iced tea turns into orange juice)
But perhaps they do not like orange juice? Oh, why must I have all of these choices?
(blinks with effort, pitcher on counter has lemonade, iced tea and orange juice magically separated in pitcher, picks up tray)
Oh, that shall please everyone, I think.
MAJOR NELSON
Do you want to bet?
JEANNIE
Oh, Anthony, darling, do you not like the refreshments? I wanted to make sure that the Stephens receive exactly what they wish. I have a one in three chance, do I not?
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, sure. You also have a one in three chance of getting me tossed right out of the space program.
JEANNIE
But, Anthony, how can refreshments do that?
MAJOR NELSON
Because refreshments usually stick to the laws of physics. Jeannie, I know that you're trying to please our guests. But if they see three separate liquids in one pitcher, without anything of this earth to separate them, don't you think they'll be suspicious?
JEANNIE
Oh, Anthony, you are right. I had not thought of that.
They hear the Stephens in the living room.
MAJOR NELSON
Jeannie, fix it, please!
JEANNIE
But which shall I serve? I still have not decided.
MAJOR NELSON
Any of them Jeannie, or all of them. It doesn't matter. Just hurry.
JEANNIE
Yes, husband.
(she blinks, liquid in pitcher changes to one murky color, picks up tray)
That is better. Anthony, would you please get that other tray for me?
He picks up tray, she blinks door open. He looks annoyed.
JEANNIE
(whispers)
I am sorry, Anthony, but they cannot see us from here.
MAJOR NELSON
Just be careful, darling. What if Samantha or Darrin walked into the kitchen just then?
JEANNIE
I would have blinked them back into the living room. That way . . .
MAJOR NELSON
. . . they would be wondering how they got back into the living room instead of how the door opened on its own, right?
JEANNIE
I think marriage has given you a better understanding of me, Anthony. What a lucky wife I am!
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Jeannie and Major Nelson enter. The Stephens are on the couch.
SAMANTHA
Everything looks delicious.
JEANNIE
Thank you, Samantha.
DARRIN
If you ever open a catering service, Jeannie, I'll be happy to handle your advertising.
JEANNIE
(pours drinks)
Oh, thank you. I am pleased you are satisfied.
MAJOR NELSON
Well, shall we have a toast? To our guests.
DARRIN
To the launch of Project Nelson.
SAMANTHA
To our hosts.
JEANNIE
To new friendships.
They sip drinks. Darrin, Major Nelson, and Samantha lower their glasses. They have curious looks on their faces. Jeannie lowers her glass, licks her lips. She scans trays, notices something amiss.
JEANNIE
Oh, dear!
(they look at her expectantly)
I have forgotten the napkins.
(their faces fall with disappointment)
MAJOR NELSON
Say, Jeannie, can I ask what this is, a punch or something?
JEANNIE
Oh, no, Anthony. You remember that I could not decide whether to serve the lemonade, the iced tea, or the orange juice? Well, I decided to mix them all together so everyone would have something that pleases them.
SAMANTHA
Well, you certainly get an A for effort!
DARRIN
Yes! What a clever idea!
MAJOR NELSON
That's my Jeannie!
(to the Stephens)
You two probably can't wait for dinner.
JEANNIE
Oh, you are just being kind. But do save your appetites. Dinner shall be ready in a few hours. Now I shall go and get the napkins.
SAMANTHA
Jeannie, sit down. I don't mind helping out. Where are they?
JEANNIE
Oh, that is most kind of you. The napkins are on the kitchen counter.
(blinks)
INT NELSONS' KITCHEN
Four folded cloth napkins appear on counter top. Samantha walks in and picks them up.
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
DARRIN
Is there something in your eye?
JEANNIE
Oh, yes, there is.
(dabs at eyes with a handkerchief and inadvertently blinks)
INT NELSONS' KITCHEN
Samantha heads for kitchen door, napkins disappear in her hand.
SAMANTHA
(looks around)
Mother? Quit kidding around, will you? Uncle Arthur? Okay, who's fooling around?
(she sighs, twitches her nose, set of napkins appear)
Good!
(exits)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Samantha enters.
SAMANTHA
Here we are.
They begin to eat.
DARRIN
These are the best dates I've ever tasted. Sam, have you tried these?
SAMANTHA
Not yet, sweetheart, I'm enjoying the sandwiches too much. Jeannie, these are out of this world. I mean, really heavenly.
JEANNIE
Oh, thank you both so much. I am pleased you are enjoying it. But I do not want you to be misled, this food did not come from Heaven.
MAJOR NELSON
No, that's right. The food came from . . .
(gropes for next word)
JEANNIE
. . . a little shop in Baghdad that I get my lamb and goat meats from. Everything in Omar's One Stop Shop is as fresh as this.
SAMANTHA
You have everything flown in from Iraq?
JEANNIE
Yes, I fly it all in when I need to.
SAMANTHA
You fly it all in yourself?
MAJOR NELSON
(nervously changes the subject)
Say, Darrin, don't forget we have that conference tomorrow with General Peterson, Doctor Bellows, and Larry Tate.
DARRIN
(puzzled)
Yes, Tony. I'll be there.
(to ladies)
And what will you two be doing tomorrow?
SAMANTHA
I suppose whatever my hostess thinks is best.
JEANNIE
Well, I thought you might want to see some of Cocoa Beach's points of interest.
SAMANTHA
Oh, you mean like a museum or the beach?
JEANNIE
No, some of our larger department stores. There are so many buildings that allow you to buy things. When I first came here I thought perhaps some of these stores were neighboring towns. They are so big.
SAMANTHA
Really.
JEANNIE
Oh, Samantha, it shall be so much fun. I do not know if I can wait until tomorrow.
SAMANTHA
(in a friendly tone)
Well, you'll just have to, won't you?
JEANNIE
Yes, I have learned to be patient.
MAJOR NELSON
That's right. Isn't it about time you started dinner?
JEANNIE
Yes, Master.
(her eyes go wide, Major Nelson looks panic-stricken)
DARRIN
(laughs)
You know, Jeannie, until now I would have said you were the one person I know who doesn't have a sarcastic bone in her body.
MAJOR NELSON
Now Darrin, don't put Jeannie on a pedestal quite yet.
JEANNIE
Oh, no, Darrin. Let me make dinner first. Although I shall not know what to do on a pedestal.
DARRIN
You must laugh all of the time, Tony. She never stops.
MAJOR NELSON
It's like living with a blond Groucho Marx, without the moustache.
SAMANTHA
Let me help you with dinner.
JEANNIE
Oh, it is not necessary. Would you rather not rest here with the gentlemen?
SAMANTHA
No, I wouldn't think of it. Besides this will give us a chance to get better acquainted.
JEANNIE
(trapped)
Very well.
SAMANTHA
What are you making for dinner?
JEANNIE
(under her breathe)
More work for myself, it would seem. I better blink some food in the refrigerator.
(blinks)
SAMANTHA
Pardon me?
JEANNIE
I am preparing an ancient dish my mother used to make for company. It is called Divine Surprise, and it is one of the most delicious things I have ever eaten.
SAMANTHA
I can't wait to see how it turns out.
JEANNIE
(to herself)
Neither can I.
INT NELSONS' DINING ROOM
Both couples finish their after dinner coffee. Darrin and Major Nelson get up and walk toward the couch as Jeannie begins clearing the table with a tray.
SAMANTHA
Let me help you with that, Jeannie.
JEANNIE
Oh, but you are the guest. Would you not prefer to join the gentlemen?
SAMANTHA
While they talk shop? No, thank you.
Samantha picks up a few plates and follows Jeannie with her tray into the kitchen.
SAMANTHA
That dinner was so delicious. I can't remember the last time I've eaten such exotic foods. Darrin and I are more the pot roast and meatloaf type.
JEANNIE
I do not cook this way all of the time, although I never have tried to roast a pot.
SAMANTHA
(laughs)
You never stop, do you? I'll help you wash the dishes, Jeannie. Just let me run upstairs and change first, ok?
JEANNIE
Take your time, Samantha.
Samantha exits up the back staircase and Jeannie begins to wash the dishes.
JEANNIE
(sighs)
Samantha and I will spend hours in this kitchen if we do all of this by hand.
She blinks and the kitchen is spotless. Samantha walks back downstairs dressed in more comfortable clothes.
SAMANTHA
Well, I'm ready to help-
(notices the kitchen)
you with the dishes. How long was I upstairs?
JEANNIE
Oh, not very long. I am just quick in the kitchen.
SAMANTHA
Apparently.
Jeannie exits through the door and Samantha looks around.
SAMANTHA
(to herself)
Maybe she just shoved everything in the dishwasher?
(opens dishwasher, it's empty)
Incredible.
Jeannie pops her head in the kitchen door.
JEANNIE
Samantha, shall we join the gentlemen?
Samantha smiles, takes a last glance around and exits the kitchen.
INT NELSONS' GUESTROOM
Samantha and Darrin are in their pajamas. Samantha sits at the bed brushing her hair, lost in thought. Darrin is in bed.
DARRIN
It's going well so far, isn't it? Samantha?
SAMANTHA
Huh? Yes, sweetheart?
DARRIN
You all right, Sam?
SAMANTHA
Yes, I guess that exotic dinner was a shock to my system. Delicious, though.
DARRIN
I know. I never thought I'd consider goat and lamb every day food.
SAMANTHA
Especially after some of Mother's homezapped meals of elephant pate, raven eggs and hummingbird wings?
DARRIN
You forgot the broiled eye of newt and frog fritters. And Tony's going to make a great profile subject, don't you think?
SAMANTHA
Sure, sweetheart.
DARRIN
And Jeannie is so sweet.
SAMANTHA
If not a bit unusual.
DARRIN
Unusual? Why? I mean, I'll admit her sense of humor unique, but-
SAMANTHA
It's not just that, Darrin. She almost seems like she's from another period in time, you know what I mean?
DARRIN
Example?
SAMANTHA
Well, did you notice she didn't use one contraction since we met her?
DARRIN
What?
SAMANTHA
You know, Darrin, it's been "I am," not "I'm," and "I shall," never "I will" or "I'll."
DARRIN
Sam, I think you're reaching. Besides, you and Tony and I are older than Jeannie. Maybe she thinks she sounds mature that way.
SAMANTHA
How do you know she's younger than me?
(Darrin gives her an obvious look)
Oh, right.
DARRIN
Okay, Sam. But even with you as the exception, compared to Tony and me she definitely looks younger.
SAMANTHA
Still, it's not just that either. I just can't put my finger on it.
DARRIN
Maybe because there's no it to put your finger on?
SAMANTHA
Perhaps.
DARRIN
Good night, sweetheart.
SAMANTHA
Good night, Darrin.
They kiss and lie down.
INT NELSONS' BEDROOM
Major Nelson and Jeannie lie in bed in the dark.
JEANNIE
Anthony?
MAJOR NELSON
(jerked from sleep)
What? What's wrong?
JEANNIE
Nothing, darling. I just wanted to talk.
MAJOR NELSON
Sure, what better time than when I'm falling asleep.
JEANNIE
(sits up in bed, blinks lights on)
I was wondering if you think they are comfortable here.
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, honey, I'm sure they are. They seem content.
JEANNIE
And you do not think they have noticed anything unusual about me?
MAJOR NELSON
I'm sure they have.
JEANNIE
(alarmed)
What?
MAJOR NELSON
(sits up, puts arm around her, lovingly)
Darling, every person who ever meets you can tell how unique and special you are. People can't help but like you, and not in spite of it, but because of it.
JEANNIE
Oh, Anthony.
MAJOR NELSON
And Jeannie, that's exactly why I love you.
They share a long kiss and Jeannie blinks off the light.
INT HALLWAY AT NASA
Major Nelson and Darrin walk toward conference room.
DARRIN
What a day out there! Perfect golf weather. Do you play?
MAJOR NELSON
Not since college.
(laughs)
DARRIN
What's funny?
MAJOR NELSON
I was just thinking it would be great if we could get to the moon. No interruptions, no noise. Just us and our clubs putting golfballs into lunar craters.
DARRIN
Those mile-high dustdrifts would give a whole new meaning to the phrase sandtrap. Too bad I didn't have my clubs with me the last time I went to the moon.
MAJOR NELSON
The last time you what?
DARRIN
Oh, nothing. I guess your wife's sense of humor is rubbing off on me.
INT CONFERENCE ROOM
GENERAL PETERSON, a gray-haired man of sixty, in uniform, and DOCTOR BELLOWS, the base psychiatrist, a man of fifty, in uniform, and Larry Tate are seated. Major Nelson and Darrin enter. They all exchange greetings and sit down.
GENERAL PETERSON
All right, gentlemen, as you all know NASA is anxious to see this campaign for our space program reach the masses as soon as it can. So let's get right to it. Tate, Stephens, why don't you fill us on in on the progress your agency has made so far.
GENERAL PETERSON
We're expecting a top-notch campaign from you, Tate.
LARRY
Of course, General. Let me begin by saying that we at McMann and Tate know you're making history here and intend to give you a history-making campaign. But since Darrin has been here a few days longer than I have I'll let him take it from here. Darrin?
DARRIN
Thanks, Larry. But instead of talking about what we're doing, why don't Major Nelson and I show you the work in progress. Tony?
Major Nelson and Darrin set up a film screen and projector, start the projector, turn off the lights and sit down. The film shows a series of images like space, the moon and NASA.
DARRIN
We don't have the soundtrack and narration added in yet, but this should give you an idea of the approach we're taking.
The film then shows Major Nelson progressing through his day-kissing Jeannie good bye at the front door, car pooling with other NASA employees, attending a meeting with coworkers and dressed in his astronaut suit walking toward the launch pad. The film ends and Darrin puts the lights back on.
LARRY
That's some mighty fine work there, Darrin. And I think you captured the essence of your subject.
GENERAL PETERSON
I'm not happy with it. It looks too much like a commercial.
LARRY
(quickly)
I agree with the general. Darrin, we're not selling soup here, you know.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
(to Larry)
But you just said that it was mighty fine work.
LARRY
Yes. But I was thinking, it looks too much like a commercial. And nothing is set in stone yet, General Peterson. Right, Darrin?
DARRIN
Of course. A little judicious editing and a script rewrite should help weed out that commercial tone.
GENERAL PETERSON
I hope so. Remember, Stephens, we're trying to communicate more than just Tony's face and NASA's current efforts, we're trying to subtly infuse pride in the public and a greater sense of nationalism.
LARRY
(to Darrin)
That's right!
MAJOR NELSON
(whispers, to Darrin)
Your boss is giving me whiplash.
DARRIN
Gentlemen, I can assure you that this film will be handled with the same dignity and professional tone that NASA has always maintained. By the time we're done everyone in America will have more respect and pride in their country's space program than ever before, and without having to beat the public over the head with the point.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Very well spoken, Mr. Stephens. I think we can relax now, General.
GENERAL PETERSON
Excellent. Stephens, I'll leave you to it, while Major Nelson and I double check the plans for the test launch.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Oh, General, don't forget we're having that reception for our new associates this afternoon. I trust you'll all be there.
LARRY
Wouldn't miss it. I've got another meeting with your internal PR department, so I'll be going, too.
GENERAL PETERSON
(stands, the other men rise)
Major?
MAJOR NELSON
Yes, General. I'm with you.
(to Darrin)
I'll be right back. But before the reception I'll need to stop home and change.
GENERAL PETERSON
Why don't you keep Mr. Stephens company, Doctor?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Yes, General.
General Peterson, Major Nelson and Larry Tate exit.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
I trust you and your wife are enjoying your stay with the Nelsons?
DARRIN
Yes. Tony and Jeannie have been excellent hosts.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Glad to hear it. Let's hope he'll be as excellent a model for the campaign.
DARRIN
I'm sure he'll do fine. After all, he's what the agency needs to give this campaign public appeal, the typical American astronaut, exploring space for all humanity. You know, that sort of thing.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Typical? Mr. Stephens, that might not be the most accurate description of the major, if you know what I mean.
(winks)
DARRIN
Not accurate? I don't get you.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
No, of course you don't. You've only known Major Nelson a short time. Let me put it this way. Would you consider a man who can levitate at will typical?
DARRIN
I beg your pardon?
Doctor Bellows' excitement increases as he continues. He leans into Darrin until he is forced to push chair away from doctor.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Do you think it's normal that an ordinary man can control the weather? Or turn his best friend into a poodle dog?
DARRIN
(looks around for an escape)
A poodle, Doctor Bellows? How fascinating. Gee, I wonder when Tony will be back?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Mr. Stephens, things like that have been happening on an almost weekly basis for the past two years and I can't get anyone here at NASA to believe me.
DARRIN
I can see where that would be a problem. But things aren't always as they seem. Take my wife, Samantha, and myself, why, you would swear that-
DOCTOR BELLOWS
No, Mr. Stephens, take it from me, things are exactly as they seem. I just happen to be the only witness to these events. Major Nelson is much too clever to let anyone else see him in action.
DARRIN
In action, Doctor?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Yes, as soon as it looks like someone else might get wise to him-Presto! The oddities stop and I'm left begging General Peterson's pardon and giving the lab boys a urine sample.
DARRIN
I sympathize with your problems, but-
DOCTOR BELLOWS
I don't want your sympathy, I just want your attention.
DARRIN
Doctor, if you'll stop scaring me, I'll pay attention.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Of course. I apologize. As a psychiatrist I can only tell you that even the most rational people are known to act irrationally on one occasion or another.
DARRIN
And Major Nelson is your occasion?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
That's correct. Which is why I would like to enlist your help in this matter.
DARRIN
My help? In what way?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
The problem is that I'm never in Major Nelson's company long enough to get the answers I need regarding these odd occurrences. But you're staying with him, so perhaps you can watch for anything out of the ordinary?
DARRIN
You mean like poodle dogs?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
That's right. But it doesn't have to be a poodle. A tiger, maybe. One time I saw a tiger in a cage at Major Nelson's house.
DARRIN
Surely he could explain such a thing, couldn't he?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Oh, yes, he could and did. But when one has no proof to the contrary, what else can one believe?
DARRIN
(to himself)
I hate to think.
(to Doctor Bellows, patronizing)
If I see anything out of the ordinary you'll be the first to know.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Fine. I appreciate that. With your assistance I may get to the bottom of Major Nelson once and for all. It would be the pinnacle of my career.
DARRIN
It's my pleasure, sir.
(Bellows turns to leave, stops)
Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
I wonder if you might do me one more favor?
DARRIN
Yes?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
I'd prefer that you not mention any of this to Major Nelson, or anyone else, for that matter. You see, Major Nelson is extremely clever . . .
DARRIN
. . . and if he knew that I was watching him he might not make it easy for me to catch him, is that it?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
That's it exactly. His ability to appear normal-to everyone but me, that is-has always been his greatest defense. To the naked eye he looks as ordinary as apple pie.
DARRIN
But we know better, don't we?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Yes, we certainly do.
(exits)
Major Nelson enters.
MAJOR NELSON
Sorry to keep you waiting, Darrin. I hope Doctor Bellows was able to keep you entertained.
DARRIN
To say the least. Quite a colorful guy, that one is. Very amusing.
MAJOR NELSON
Amusing?
DARRIN
How else should I describe a guy who sees tigers in living rooms and best friends turn into poodles?
MAJOR NELSON
(alarmed)
That's what he said? Oh, boy!
DARRIN
Yeah! Now there's a psychiatrist who needs a psychiatrist. Has he always been like that?
MAJOR NELSON
(inventing)
No, he hasn't. One of our astronauts recently left the space program and Doctor Bellows took it very hard.
DARRIN
Really? Who was that?
MAJOR NELSON
Major Roger Healey. He had a few sessions with Doctor Bellows and the next thing we knew Roger left to become a navigator for a commercial airliner in Chicago. I think the doctor feels he failed the poor guy.
DARRIN
That's quite a leap. And he's okay now?
(taps his forehead with his finger)
MAJOR NELSON
I hope so. Last I heard he was living next door to a psychiatrist and his wife.
EXT SIDEWALK CAFE
Samantha and Jeannie sit at a table for four. Shopping bags are on vacant seats. WAITER clears dishes.
SAMANTHA
That was delicious.
JEANNIE
I am glad you found it pleasing.
SAMANTHA
This reminds me of the cafes I used to go to in Paris.
JEANNIE
You lived in Paris?
SAMANTHA
No, but my mother lived there for a few years and I would pop in to visit.
JEANNIE
Do you miss it?
SAMANTHA
Not really. I have other things that make up for it, like Darrin, and our daughter, Tabitha.
WAITER
Ladies, will there be anything else today? Coffee? Dessert?
SAMANTHA
I think I'll just have coffee, please.
JEANNIE
What is there for dessert?
WAITER
We have devil's food cake.
JEANNIE
The food of a devil? Certainly not! What else?
WAITER
I'm almost afraid to say it, angel food cake.
(to Samantha)
I'm breathless for her answer.
JEANNIE
No, not today.
Samantha and waiter look at each other, shrug.
JEANNIE
What else, please?
WAITER
There's ice cream, blueberry pie, cherry pie-
JEANNIE
Yes, that is the one. The blueberry pie shall be fine. I love the color blue. Thank you.
WAITER
Very good.
(exits)
JEANNIE
What were we saying? Oh, yes! You were speaking of your little one. What is her age?
SAMANTHA
Tabitha's about three and a half now.
(takes out photo, shows Jeannie)
JEANNIE
Oh, Samantha, she is adorable. She must miss her mother.
SAMANTHA
(puts photo back in wallet)
Yes. My mother, Endora, is staying with Tabitha. I know she's fine, but I guess a mother never completely gets used to leaving her baby behind.
JEANNIE
I would imagine it is hard to see the little ones grow up and fly from the nest.
SAMANTHA
(absently)
Oh, Tabitha's too young to fly.
JEANNIE
Pardon me?
SAMANTHA
It wasn't important. Do you and Tony plan to have children?
JEANNIE
Oh, yes! I am hoping for a large family. Three djinns and three genies.
SAMANTHA
How perfect! Three-what?
JEANNIE
Naturally, I meant three boys and three girls.
SAMANTHA
Of course. Here comes your pie.
As waiter walks over with a tray, a small BOY, playing with toy missile runs in front of him. Boy pushes missile into tray. Tray flies up and over to Samantha. Waiter falls toward table. Jeannie blinks. Samantha twitches. Tray stops in mid-air, as does waiter. He and tray reverse positions. Waiter looks surprised. Samantha and Jeannie feign innocence.
JEANNIE
How impressive! You are an acrobat?
WAITER
I wasn't before I met you ladies.
SAMANTHA
Weird, isn't it?
EXT NELSONS' HOME
INT INSIDE FRONT DOOR
Door opens, Jeannie and Samantha enter.
JEANNIE
That was fun. It is so much nicer shopping with company.
JEANNIE II, Jeannie's twin sister, blinks in near the staircase. She is dark-haired, with a ponytail and wearing blue harem costume. She stands behind Samantha, who does not notice her, and waves to Jeannie.
SAMANTHA
I'm glad you had fun, but I'm exhausted. I think I'll go upstairs and lie down for a little while before the fellows come home to pick us up for the reception.
(she moves to turn around)
JEANNIE
(stops Samantha and guides her toward the living room)
No! Do not. I mean, why not rest here instead. The couch is most comfortable. I will be right back. I have to go to the kitchen, the kitchen.
(Jeannie II takes the hint and disappears)
SAMANTHA
(puzzled)
All right.
INT NELSONS' KITCHEN
Jeannie enters. Jeannie II is already there, sitting cross-legged in mid-air.
JEANNIE II
Jeannie, darling! Well, aren't you even going to say hello?
JEANNIE
Sister, what are you doing here?
JEANNIE II
I've come to brighten your day.
JEANNIE
(suspicious)
My day is bright enough. Anyway we have guests staying with us. I am sorry, but you are going to have to go.
JEANNIE II
Really, darling, I just got here. So how is that gorgeous master of yours?
JEANNIE
He is fine. And he is my husband now, not my master.
JEANNIE II
Darling, don't you realize it's the same thing. You're still bound to him, aren't you? The obedient little servant.
JEANNIE
No, sister, marriage is different.
JEANNIE II
How?
JEANNIE
Because now Anthony is bound to me, too.
JEANNIE II
(to herself)
But not for long.
JEANNIE
What was that?
JEANNIE II
Oh, nothing, darling. You enjoy yourself and get back to your company. I'll see you around.
(she blinks and disappears)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Samantha gets up from couch, opens shopping bag, and takes out white silk blouse. Holds it up to her front, looks in living room mirror. Leaves blouse on couch, glances at paintings on walls, inspects knick-knacks on shelves. Walks passed Jeannie's bottle on mantelpiece, glances at it. Then stops, turns back to bottle with greater interest. Picks it up, examines outer design. Uncorks it, peers through top. She puts the bottle back in place. Jeannie II blinks in in miniature and hides behind a knick-knack on the mantel.
JEANNIE II
So, sister dear, you're bound to that human. Let's see for how long.
(she laughs, pushes Jeannie's bottle off mantel, blinks, disappears)
Samantha turns when she hears the bottle shatter. Front door opens, Major Nelson and Darrin walk in. Neither of them notice Samantha.
MAJOR NELSON
(to Darrin)
I'll be out as soon as I change.
DARRIN
(looks at his clothes)
You know, maybe I'd better change, too. Larry would never forgive me if I failed to make a good impression on the NASA bigwigs. I won't be long.
(heads to bedroom as Major Nelson closes his bedroom door)
JEANNIE
(voice over)
Samantha?
SAMANTHA
Yes, Jeannie?
JEANNIE
(voice over)
Are you sure you do not want some refreshment before we change for the reception? I have some fresh tomato juice.
SAMANTHA
All right. Thanks. But take your time. Don't rush on my account.
(to herself)
Oh, my stars. Darrin, please forgive me, but I'm sure you wouldn't want the Nelsons to see this.
Major Nelson steps out of bedroom. Notices Samantha, whose back is to him, begins to walk over to her. Samantha twitches her nose, bottle puts itself back together, levitates onto its pedestal. Major Nelson sees this, stops in his tracks.
MAJOR NELSON
So much for wifely promises, eh, Jeannie?
Samantha turns around, walks toward couch as Jeannie comes back into living room with tall glass of tomato juice.
JEANNIE
Here you are, Samantha. I tried to phone Anthony at the base to find out when he and Darrin will be home, but he was not there. I wonder where he is?
MAJOR NELSON
I'm right here.
As he says this, Jeannie hands Samantha the glass. They are startled and tomato juice spills all over Samantha's white blouse on the couch.
JEANNIE
Anthony, darling, there you are! I did not know when you would be home for us.
SAMANTHA
Oh, dear!
JEANNIE
Oh, no! By Allah! I am sorry. I thought that you had taken that glass from me.
SAMANTHA
I thought I had it, too. Then we were both surprised.
MAJOR NELSON
I'm sorry, ladies. I didn't mean to startle you.
Jeannie picks up blouse, starts upstairs, Samantha heads for kitchen.
JEANNIE
I will rinse the stains out before they set.
SAMANTHA
I'll get a damp towel to wipe off the sofa.
INT NELSONS' UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
Jeannie pours water over blouse, which falls apart in her hands. Darrin walks down hallway, sees Jeannie in bathroom.
JEANNIE
Oh, dear! This is of no use. And Samantha and I were getting along so well. I hope she is not angered. She will not be angered.
(blinks, shirt is clean again, also dry and pressed)
DARRIN
(sees this, speaks to himself)
Sam! Why!? After you promised not to get caught.
(whispers)
Sam, where are you?
JEANNIE
Hello, Darrin. I did not see you there. Are you ready for the reception?
DARRIN
Yes, Jeannie, I am. Right after I have a few words with my wife. Where is Samantha?
JEANNIE
She was downstairs getting a damp cloth from the kitchen.
DARRIN
Thanks, Jeannie. I'll see you later.
(exits)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
DARRIN
Tony, have you seen my wife?
MAJOR NELSON
I was just about to ask you the same thing.
DARRIN
Yours is in the upstairs bathroom. And mine?
MAJOR NELSON
Yours is in the kitchen. Excuse me.
(exits)
DARRIN
Thanks, Tony.
(walks into kitchen)
INT NELSONS' KITCHEN
SAMANTHA
Darrin! I thought you were still at NASA.
DARRIN
Naturally.
SAMANTHA
Is something wrong?
DARRIN
What could possibly be wrong? Here we are in beautiful Cocoa Beach, Florida-sun, sand, water, and witchcraft.
SAMANTHA
(evasive)
I'll be ready to go as soon as I change.
DARRIN
Not until we have a little talk.
SAMANTHA
Sweetheart, please try to understand.
DARRIN
I've made it my life's work to try and understand you. But mortal logic only goes so far. I'm not as lucky as you are, Sam. I'm only human.
SAMANTHA
Yes, I know.
DARRIN
So why don't you fill me in.
SAMANTHA
Well, I didn't want the Nelsons upset, so I just . . .
DARRIN
. . . you just twitched that nosey nose of yours and made everything better.
SAMANTHA
I'm sorry, darling, but I didn't think anybody saw me. Besides, I didn't give anything away.
DARRIN
Sam, how can you say that? What about Jeannie?
SAMANTHA
What about Jeannie? She was in another room at the time. She couldn't possibly have seen me.
DARRIN
Sam, with that remote control beak on you no one has to see you.
SAMANTHA
Darrin! I've already said I'm sorry, but that's never enough for you, is it?
DARRIN
And you think a quick I'm sorry is enough? Not today, I'm too upset.
SAMANTHA
Well, that makes two of us. For four years now I've been as mortal as I know how to be, and all for your benefit. But you don't care about that, do you?
DARRIN
Right now I care more about a wife who won't live up to her promises.
SAMANTHA
Not live up to my promises? You're referring to me?
DARRIN
If the broom fits, ride it!
SAMANTHA
Will you calm down before you go too far!
DARRIN
All right. But just once it would be nice not to be reminded of your witchy ways. Why can't we ever do things like every other mortal couple does? Just answer me that.
SAMANTHA
Because we're not a mortal couple, are we? I'm a witch who's married to an insensitive mortal. And I'll tell you something else, Darrin Stephens, if you truly want a wife who has no talents and no identity of her own then you can always find yourself one. Maybe they'll be a nice mortal woman for you at that reception. Happy hunting, because I'm staying right here..
DARRIN
You're only saying that because you're angry. But if that's the way you want it, I'll make your excuses to Larry. Good bye!
(storms out)
SAMANTHA
Good.
INT NELSONS' UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
Major Nelson enters, corners Jeannie near sink.
JEANNIE
Anthony, what is the matter with you?
MAJOR NELSON
I'll tell you what the matter is, as if you didn't already know.
JEANNIE
I am supposed to know before you tell me, Master?
MAJOR NELSON
That's part of it. Yes, I was your master, and you were my genie. But we're man and wife now.
JEANNIE
Of course we are. How could I forget I married the most attractive human being this side of Baghdad.
MAJOR NELSON
Don't sidestep me, young lady. In the last few years I've learned how to avoid your getting around me.
JEANNIE
Anthony, why are you angry?
MAJOR NELSON
Why am I angry? Because I thought by now you would have learned that you don't need to use your bottle of magic tricks to please me.
JEANNIE
I know that.
MAJOR NELSON
No, you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken your promise.
JEANNIE
I broke no promise.
MAJOR NELSON
Oh, no?! So in the natural order of things I suppose objects now fix themselves?
JEANNIE
(looks at blouse)
Oh, that. Well, Anthony, no one will know that I blinked it back to normal. Our secret is still safe.
MAJOR NELSON
Yes, but for how long? Jeannie, when you blink the house clean and no one is watching, well, that's one thing. But when you use that blink in front of our live-in company, well that's something else entirely. Doctor Bellows already told Darrin what he thinks of me and I don't need you proving him right. Sometimes I almost believe you want us to get caught.
JEANNIE
(angry)
Oh, is that what you think?
MAJOR NELSON
You'd have a lot more time with me if I got booted out of the space program, wouldn't you?
JEANNIE
Well! I thought when two people love each other they wish to be together.
MAJOR NELSON
But not every man has a wife that can make any wish come true. At times like this I really envy the average married man, like Darrin.
JEANNIE
(folds her arms)
Then so be it. I will not have it said that in two thousand years of service I have ever failed to make my masters' wishes come true.
(blinks, copy of herself appears in bathroom)
There you are, Anthony. I hope you two will be very happy together.
MAJOR NELSON
What is this? Who is this?
JEANNIE
This is your new wife, Master. She has no magical powers and should not get in the way of your career. I hope that you two will be very happy. You can take her to your reception with Darrin because I am not going.
(folds her arms, ready to blink)
MAJOR NELSON
Don't you dare blink out now. This fight isn't over.
JEANNIE
Oh, yes it is. I have granted the last wish for you ever. I shall take my bottle and leave now. This Jeannie can entertain your company from now on.
DARRIN
(voice over)
Tony, I'll be waiting for you in the car!
(front door slams)
MAJOR NELSON
I have to get going. General Peterson and the others are waiting for me and Darrin at the base.
JEANNIE
Well, don't tell me. I no longer care. Tell her.
MAJOR NELSON
We can't clear all of this up now, but you know that I love you. What man would go through all of this if he didn't?
JEANNIE
Well, you do not have to go through anything else from now on, Major Nelson. This Jeannie shall serve you as any other human wife would.
MAJOR NELSON
I don't want a human wife. I want you. But if you're serious about not coming then I'll be going now.
JEANNIE
Very well. Go. But do not expect to see me when you get back.
MAJOR NELSON
Please don't say things you don't mean, Jeannie. Get rid of this dead weight, will you?
(points to copy of Jeannie)
JEANNIE
As you wish, Master.
(blinks, Major Nelson disappears)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Major Nelson reappears in living room.
MAJOR NELSON
(yells to Jeannie)
It was nice knowing you, too!
(slams door as he exits)
INT NELSONS' UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
Jeannie fumes, paces back and forth, bumps into her duplicate.
JEANNIE
Do you mind? I am trying to pace.
(folds her arms, blinks, duplicate disappears)
SAMANTHA
(voice over)
Jeannie, where are you?
JEANNIE
I am here, Samantha. I shall be right down.
(exits with blouse)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
JEANNIE
Here you are. I was fortunate to have gotten to the stain before it was too late.
SAMANTHA
Amazing. It's like new. You didn't have to go to all that trouble.
JEANNIE
Oh, it was no trouble at all. It is the least I can do. Samantha, I hope you do not mind, but I need to leave the house for awhile.
SAMANTHA
Oh? Where are you going?
JEANNIE
Anywhere but here. Anthony and I just had a quarrel. No, that is wrong. It was a fight.
SAMANTHA
Really? Darrin and I just had a fight, too.
JEANNIE
Oh, good! I mean, at least we can console each other, can we not?
SAMANTHA
Yes, we can. I'm sure that's what the men are doing. Do you mind if I join you?
JEANNIE
No, I do not. But let us go, please. I do not want to be here if Anthony decides to come back and apologize.
SAMANTHA
Do you think he will?
JEANNIE
Oh, yes! I do not know. I would imagine so. But I cannot be sure. And I do not care. Let him come back if he so chooses.
SAMANTHA
You're right. If they come back and we're not here it'll teach them a lesson. They'll miss us so much by the time we return they'll beg for forgiveness.
JEANNIE
And will we, forgive them, I mean?
SAMANTHA
In a second. Come on, let's go.
(they exit)
INT LADIES' DEPARTMENT IN STORE
JEANNIE
If I may ask, what did you and Darrin fight about?
SAMANTHA
Darrin just realized the woman he married is the woman I am.
JEANNIE
I beg your pardon?
SAMANTHA
Well, it's kind of involved. Let's just say in the war between husbands and wives, Lieutenant Stephens has just been demoted to private. Now, if I may ask, what did you and Tony quarrel about?
JEANNIE
After two years of faithful service, Anthony told me the servant he fell in love with is no longer the wife he wants. He wishes for me to change.
SAMANTHA
Men! They're all the same. Once they get what they want they don't want it anymore. And then they spend their time pining for things they don't have.
JEANNIE
Like the ideal wife. Is there such a thing?
SAMANTHA
I doubt it. But I would say we come pretty close.
JEANNIE
Then why do they wish to change us?
SAMANTHA
Because they're mortals, I mean, they're only men. We just need to be patient with them.
JEANNIE
You are probably right. After all, I have always granted all of Anthony's wishes, and this is just another one.
SAMANTHA
You grant all of his wishes? Every one of them?
JEANNIE
Oh, yes. That is what I was made for, to serve and to please.
SAMANTHA
Jeannie, may I give you some advice?
JEANNIE
Of course.
SAMANTHA
Don't listen to everything your mother told you about being the dutiful wife, especially when the men take us for granted like they do. Besides, if I had listened to my mother, I never would have married Darrin. And even though I'm furious with him, I know he's the only one for me.
JEANNIE
I feel that way about my Anthony. Then why am I so angry that he asked me to change?
SAMANTHA
Probably because you haven't asked him to change at all.
JEANNIE
Well, I would not say that. Oh, I did not ask him to change for me, but when I first came into Anthony's life he did have to adjust to a few things.
SAMANTHA
I suppose every married man has to make some adjustments. But I sometimes wonder if Darrin feels it's worth it. Our home life can be a bit strained at times.
JEANNIE
So can mine. But is that reason enough to make a man run away?
SAMANTHA
I suppose we'll find out.
JEANNIE
That is what frightens me.
SAMANTHA
Me, too. But everything will be all right. I hope.
(holds a dress up)
Well, what do you think of this one?
JEANNIE
Oh, that is very pretty! Are you going to try it on?
SAMANTHA
I'm not sure.
(looks at price tag)
Maybe not. What a shame! I like this dress, but Darrin would kill me if I spent that much money.
JEANNIE
Are you sure? It is the one dress you have seen that you like. Does that not count?
SAMANTHA
Not with this price tag. See for yourself.
JEANNIE
(Samantha looks away for a moment, Jeannie blinks)
Samantha, I think that you have misread the tag. Surely this is not that expensive.
SAMANTHA
You're right. Then what was I looking at? I'm sure that wasn't the price.
JEANNIE
Oh, well, as my Anthony says, do not look a horse with a present in the face.
SAMANTHA
Don't you mean don't look a gift horse in the mouth?
JEANNIE
Do I? All right, then. Consider this a gift from a horse.
SAMANTHA
(suspicious)
Yes. Maybe I should look around for hoofprints.
JEANNIE
I beg your pardon?
SAMANTHA
Oh, nothing. On second thought, I think I will try it on.
(exits)
INT CHANGING ROOM
Samantha enters, closes curtain. She puts dress on hook. Calls out in a stern, but hushed voice.
SAMANTHA
Mother? I know that you're around here somewhere. You materialize this second.
Endora appears.
ENDORA
Oh, really, Samantha! What now? You know I'm sitting with Tabitha.
SAMANTHA
So who's with her now?
ENDORA
I got your Aunt Clara to take over for a few minutes, and I'm afraid she's a bit put out. I just zapped her from her latest doorknob collecting outing in Tibet.
SAMANTHA
And that's all you've done?
ENDORA
What do you mean, dear?
SAMANTHA
I know that you've been up to your usual mischief and I want you to knock it off!
ENDORA
Really, Samantha! I've been busy with the baby ever since you left.
SAMANTHA
So you didn't zap the napkins out of my hands the other night? Or change the price on this dress a moment ago?
ENDORA
It is quite an attractive outfit, but why should I care how much of Durbin's money you spend? Have I ever cared about that sort of thing before?
SAMANTHA
No, that's true. Witch's Honor?
(makes Witch's Honor sign)
ENDORA
(makes same sign)
Witch's Honor. Believe me, dear, if I was starved for entertainment I could certainly come up with something more creative than that.
SAMANTHA
I'm sorry, Mother. But the strangest things have been happening. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it.
ENDORA
Apology accepted, dear. But just remember, a witch is innocent until proven guilty.
SAMANTHA
You're right. But that still doesn't solve this mystery. Cousin Serena! Maybe it was her?
ENDORA
Serena! Now why should she want to do a thing like that?
SAMANTHA
Because she knows from experience how much trouble witchcraft always causes for Darrin. All of our relatives do.
ENDORA
I hadn't thought of that. Good for you, Serena.
SAMANTHA
Mother!
ENDORA
Oh, Samantha, don't worry. The culprit will reveal themselves when they're good and ready and not until. In the meantime, just relax and enjoy your vacation. Speaking of which, how is it going?
SAMANTHA
(covering her fight with Darrin)
Oh, just fine, Mother. I'm having a wonderful time. Tomorrow we're all going to see a test launch to the moon. Major Nelson says he'll even show us the inside of the spacecraft they're sending up.
ENDORA
(with little interest)
How fascinating. I'd love to stay, but Clara must be ready to blast off herself by now.
SAMANTHA
Oh, Mother, wait a minute, won't you? It's not that I don't trust you, but I'd like to pop out just see if dear cousin Serena is as innocent as you say.
ENDORA
I never said she was innocent. I just said I doubt she was behind it.
SAMANTHA
Well, we'll see. I'll be back in a minute.
(kisses her on cheek, incants)
With tracking spells I'm a bit of a whiz, so take me to where Serena is.
(snaps fingers, disappears)
INT LADIES DEPARTMENT
Jeannie holds dress up to mirror near Samantha's fitting room.
JEANNIE
Samantha, what do you think of this one? It would look perfect with your eye color. Samantha?
(walks toward dressing room, Endora, dressed normally, steps out)
Oh, I am sorry. But I thought that my friend, Samantha, was in there.
ENDORA
You mean Samantha Stephens?
JEANNIE
Yes, that is her. Is she in there?
ENDORA
No, she stepped out for a moment.
JEANNIE
Stepped out? Oh, very well. I was going to ask her if she would like this one.
ENDORA
Well, she might. She's become so conservative. Not like when she used to visit me in Paris.
JEANNIE
Paris? Are you Samantha's mother?
ENDORA
Yes. I am Endora.
JEANNIE
It is a great pleasure to meet you. I am Jeannie Nelson.
ENDORA
How do you do, Mrs. Nelson, is it? Yes, well, I must be going.
JEANNIE
Oh, that is a shame. It was so nice meeting you.
Endora enters dressing room.
INT COSMOS CLUB
SERENA, Samantha's dark-haired identical twin cousin dances with a few young handsome WARLOCKS on the smoky dance floor at the Cosmos Club. Although plainly indoors, the club has a view of the earth and many other planets, stars and satellites. Samantha appears beside the dancers as a one of the warlocks dips Serena. The warlock bends down to Serena and they begin to kiss. Samantha clears her throat to announce herself. Serena stands up and pushes the warlock away.
SERENA
Hi, little cousin! I never thought I'd see you in here.
SAMANTHA
Hi, Serena. Well, until now I never had a reason to be here.
SERENA
Don't tell me you finally left Ding Dong and are celebrating.
SAMANTHA
Why is that always everyone's first guess? No, I came here to see if you're the one who's been horsing around with my vacation.
SERENA
(sincerely)
You're on vacation? Where?
SAMANTHA
Cocoa Beach, Florida, as if you didn't know. Darrin's working with a NASA astronaut, and-
(stops herself)
You really didn't know, did you?
SERENA
Nope I've been here for the past few days catching up with old friends.
SAMANTHA
Oh, is that what you call them?
SERENA
That's what I call them when their wives pop in.
(laughs with a kooky lilt to her voice)
SAMANTHA
(laughs in spite of herself)
Well, then, I'm sorry to have interrupted. As you were, Cousin.
(snaps her fingers and disappears)
SERENA
Good bye, Cuz!
(a different warlock begins dancing with her but she pushes him away)
No, I'm just not in the mood anymore. I've been dancing for days. There must be something else to do.
(warlock whispers in her ear, her eyes go wide, and laughs)
Well, that certainly would get me off of my feet. But I'm even too tired for that. No, thanks.
(warlock disappears)
Perhaps little cousin could use a hand with her investigation.
(incants)
The answer to my cousin's mystery is still out of her reach, so send me to where I can find clues in a place called Cocoa Beach.
(she gestures and disappears)
INT DRESSING ROOM
Endora backs into Samantha who appears.
SAMANTHA
Hello, again. It wasn't Serena. She's been at the Cosmos Club dancing for days.
ENDORA
I could have told you that.
SAMANTHA
Then why didn't you?
ENDORA
You didn't ask me.
SAMANTHA
Ha-ha. The whole world loves a funny witch.
ENDORA
I just met your hostess.
SAMANTHA
Jeannie?
ENDORA
Yes, and if I were you I'd be wary of her.
SAMANTHA
Why?
ENDORA
Perhaps she's your culprit.
SAMANTHA
Jeannie?
ENDORA
Possibly. I know I only spoke with her for a moment, but my witch's intuition tells me there's something peculiar about that woman.
SAMANTHA
You know, Mother, I told Darrin the same thing the other night, but he didn't see it.
ENDORA
Of course not, dear. Mortals-especially yours-aren't as perceptive as we are.
SAMANTHA
I was ready to dismiss my suspicions, but maybe I'll keep an eye on her just the same.
ENDORA
It might be wise. Either way, I'm sure you'll find your answers soon enough. Good luck, dear.
(waves her arms, disappears)
INT STEPHENS' LIVING ROOM
Endora reappears. AUNT CLARA, a short, plump, older woman is seated with Tabitha.
ENDORA
Okay, Clara, I'll take over from here.
AUNT CLARA
(stammers vaguely)
Samantha is well?
ENDORA
Well, but a bit confused.
AUNT CLARA
Confusion isn't so bad once you get used to it. Well, I'm off.
ENDORA
Totally.
AUNT CLARA
(incants)
Abba dabba dee, abba dabba doo, give this witch a different view.
(she disappears, Samantha appears in her place.)
SAMANTHA
Good grief!
ENDORA
I'll say this for Clara, she's consistent.
INT LADIES DEPARTMENT
JEANNIE
(to herself)
I thought Samantha said her mother was home watching the little one?
INT DRESSING ROOM
Aunt Clara appears.
AUNT CLARA
Oh, dear. Clara, you've done it again.
JEANNIE
(voice over)
But wait, Mrs.? Endora?
(enters dressing room, surprised to see Aunt Clara)
Where did she go?
AUNT CLARA
Where did who go?
JEANNIE
Endora.
AUNT CLARA
I don't know. Back where she came from?
JEANNIE
I do not understand any of this. I turned around for a moment-
Jeannie turns to illustrate, Aunt Clara mouths an incantation, disappears and Samantha appears in her place. Jeannie turns back, surprised)
JEANNIE
Samantha? Is that you?
SAMANTHA
(nervously covers)
Of course it's me. Is anything wrong, Jeannie? You look a little pale.
JEANNIE
(confused)
I must be tired. I think it is time we returned home. I miss Anthony so much.
SAMANTHA
I think the gentlemen have suffered long enough. Shall we go?
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Major Nelson pours two martinis at bar, gives one to Darrin, who sits on couch. They are drunk.
DARRIN
Thanks, Tony, my friend. But I probably don't need this. I've already had tee martoonies at that reception.
(to himself)
I wish Samantha had been there.
MAJOR NELSON
(sits on couch)
It was a nice time, wasn't it?
(to himself)
Would have been nicer if Jeannie had been there.
(to Darrin)
And you meant to say two martinis.
DARRIN
Hey, you said that just like a sober person. You're not, are you?
MAJOR NELSON
I hope not. If I am this room is spinning on its own.
DARRIN
The room isn't spinning on my side of the couch.
MAJOR NELSON
Well, that's not fair. Here, you sit and spin for awhile.
They switch seats.
DARRIN
This side of the couch isn't spinning either.
MAJOR NELSON
This side's spinning. How could you miss it?
DARRIN
Maybe after another marteeky, huh?
MAJOR NELSON
Right you are, Dalton. Dennis? No? Darrist?
DARRIN
You sound like my mother-in-law. My name is Durwood, D-A-R-R-I-N, Durweed, and I'll thank you to remember it.
MAJOR NELSON
Aye, aye, Captain Durweed. Request permission to sit on the spinning sofa.
DARRIN
Permission denied, Nelson. You forgot to say may I.
MAJOR NELSON
May I?
DARRIN
Sure, why not? This seat's got your name on it.
MAJOR NELSON
Where's my name? I don't see it.
DARRIN
Right there. I thought it was there. Oh, well.
(takes pen out of pocket, writes on couch cushion)
There's your name! Better sit down before another Tony Nelson does.
MAJOR NELSON
Good thinking. I guess that's why McTate and Mann believe in you. You're good in a crisis.
DARRIN
I'll let you in on a little secret. Around my house I need a degree in emergencies. A fresh supply of martininnies doesn't hurt either.
They sip drinks. Camera pans to mantelpiece. Jeannie II appears in miniature, hides near bottle. She eavesdrops on Major Nelson and Darrin. Serena appears near kitchen door and hides behind it when she sees the men.
SERENA
(to herself)
This place must be the source of Sam's troubles...unless it's Durwood.
MAJOR NELSON
Gee, your home life sounds like mine. One minute you're an average American astronaut, just doing your job . . .
DARRIN
. . . and the next minute you're in love with a beautiful blond who can give you anything in the world, especially chaos and confusion.
MAJOR NELSON
Right, Jeannie can-hey, Darrin, how did you know what I was going to say?
DARRIN
Because for the past four years I've been living with a beautiful, blond witch.
MAJOR NELSON
Don't put Samantha down. She's no witch.
DARRIN
Oh, yes she is, my friend. Take it from me.
MAJOR NELSON
All right. Samantha's a witch. But I can top that. For the first two years of our relationship Jeannie slept alone in a bottle.
DARRIN
Gee, I didn't know she drank.
Major Nelson opens his mouth to say something, but sips martini instead. Jeannie II looks up at cork on bottle, blinks. Cork comes out, rests on mantel.
MAJOR NELSON
I'll tell you one thing, though. I love her.
DARRIN
You do, don't you?
MAJOR NELSON
Of course I do. I told her that myself earlier. I said, "what man would go through all of this if he didn't."
DARRIN
If he didn't what?
MAJOR NELSON
If he didn't love her.
DARRIN
Of course I love her! What man could resist her?
MAJOR NELSON
No man could. And to think, she could have any man in the world and she wants me. She wants to have a family with me. That should tell me something, shouldn't it?
DARRIN
Yes, it should. We shouldn't fight with our wives. In spite of all the craziness I couldn't picture life without Samantha.
(falls over Major Nelson)
MAJOR NELSON
Easy now. But when you're right, you're right. Sure Jeannie causes me more headaches than any other woman I've ever known, but she's pure magic.
DARRIN
That's how I feel about Samantha. Pure magic!
(stands, raises empty glass)
A toast! On your feet, Tony. To our wives, and all of the trouble they cause us. May we never be without them again.
JEANNIE II
So the Major's ready to make up.
(giggles, blinks to look like Jeannie)
Well, so is she.
(blinks again, disappears)
DARRIN
Tony? I think I've had enough to drink. I'm going to splash some cold water on my face.
MAJOR NELSON
Coffee?
DARRIN
Sounds good.
He turns, walks toward stairs. Front door opens, he turns toward it.
JEANNIE II
(disguised as Jeannie)
Anthony! Dear Anthony, where are you?
(Darrin walks up to her, she looks him up and down)
You're not Anthony.
DARRIN
True. He's in the kitchen making coffee. It's me, Darrin. Stephens? Ring a bell?
JEANNIE II
Oh, yes, of course. Excuse me, Darrin, but I need to speak to my husband.
She turns, Darrin puts a hand on her shoulder. She pushes hand away, backs up.
DARRIN
Where's Sam?
JEANNIE II
Sam?
DARRIN
Yes, Jeannie. Samantha, my wife? She was with you, wasn't she?
JEANNIE II
Oh, well, yes, I guess you could say that. But I'm alone now.
DARRIN
I can see that. Weren't you wearing a different outfit earlier? I could have sworn you were.
JEANNIE II
(speaks in normal voice)
Well, darling, when you're right, you're right. Too bad. You're kind of cute for a human being.
DARRIN
Huh?
She blinks, Darrin disappears.
SERENA
(surprised, then amused)
She's a witch, too? Oh, this is too funny. At least Derwood is out of the way at long last.
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
Darrin reappears inside bottle, falls back on cushions. He stands, looks around and above. Now he is sobering up and alarmed.
DARRIN
Where am I? I was just speaking with Jeannie and-Jeannie? Was that Jeannie? Or was that Samantha playing games? No, it couldn't be. She wouldn't do that, would she? Help!! Sam!? Let me out of here!
He pounds on inside of bottle, looks out of one of glass windows at base of bottle. Darrin's P.O.V. Sees Major Nelson exit kitchen holding a cup of coffee. Darrin shouts for help, pounds on bottle. Major Nelson seems to hear him faintly as he sets coffee down. Jeannie II, still disguised as Jeannie, runs up to him, throws arms around his neck, kisses him. Darrin realizes Major Nelson can't hear him, sits down.
DARRIN
Samantha, how could you do this?
(looks around, sees picture of Tony and Jeannie on wall)
Jeannie! Jeannie did this to me! She blinked her eyes and put me in this bottle. Sam was right! There is something odd about her. She's a witch, too! But why wouldn't Sam pick up on that? I thought she'd have some kind of witch-radar. Sam, this is Darrin! Can you hear me, wherever you are?! I'm trapped in the bottle! Please twitch me out!
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
MAJOR NELSON
Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I don't want you any different than you are right now, magic and all. Promise me you'll never change. Are you all right? Do you forgive me?
JEANNIE II
Yes, darling, I forgive you.
MAJOR NELSON
And you promise you won't change a hair on that beautiful head of yours?
JEANNIE II
(pushes away from him)
Well, now, darling, I can't promise you that.
MAJOR NELSON
Why not?
JEANNIE II
(laughs as she blinks, looks, sounds like herself again)
Because I much prefer my natural hair color.
MAJOR NELSON
You! It's been you all the time! I should have known my Jeannie would never fight like you did this afternoon!
JEANNIE II
Well, Tony, darling, I suppose you don't know your wife as well as you think.
MAJOR NELSON
Now listen to me, young lady, you're not going to get away with this. There's only one Jeannie for me. I would think you'd realize that by now.
JEANNIE II
That's right, darling. There is only one Jeannie for you
(blinks, transforms into Jeannie)
and I'm it. Now come here and give your wife a kiss.
She throws her arms around him, kisses him hard on lips. He looks trapped, but breaks her hold, backs off a few steps. She begins to walk toward him as front door opens.
JEANNIE
(enters, looks for Major Nelson)
Anthony, darling, where are you? I am sorry. Please let us make up.
MAJOR NELSON
(to Jeannie II)
Well, so much for your tricks. Jeannie should be able to handle you.
(to Jeannie)
Jeannie! Help! I'm in here!
JEANNIE II
Oh, really, darling!!
(to herself)
Think fast now.
She blinks, Major Nelson looks and is dressed exactly like Darrin. She blinks again, Major Nelson, disguised as Darrin, is frozen in place.
SERENA
(to herself)
I wish I had a program guide for this little play. These cast substitutions are making my head spin.
JEANNIE
Anthony!? I am here! What's wrong?!
(sees Jeannie II)
Oh! That is what is wrong! What have you done to Darrin? His wife will be here any second. She needed a few minutes to herself.
JEANNIE II
Time alone sounds like a good idea. Care to try it?
JEANNIE
I know why you came back. The same reason as always, to get your hands on my master.
(folds her arms, prepares to blink)
Sister, if it is a showdown you want, do not think I will not blink as hard as I can to keep my husband.
JEANNIE II
Very well, darling. I was just looking for a few laughs. No harm done.
JEANNIE
Sister, how can you say that? Look at Darrin!
JEANNIE II
(inventing)
Oh, him. Darling, he was acting very suspicious, you know, asking a lot of questions. Being a devoted sister, and fellow genie, I was sure you wouldn't want him to find out our little secret, so I took care of it. Aren't you even going to thank me?
JEANNIE
Thanking you is not exactly what I had in mind.
JEANNIE II
Well, that's gratitude for you! I do believe life with that human astro-nut has made you completely forget your manners.
JEANNIE
I have not forgotten my manners. If they were not this good you would be at the bottom of the Nile right now! And it is astronaut, not nut.
JEANNIE II
Suit yourself, darling.
JEANNIE
If you had not shown up he would never have asked anything. Where is my master?
JEANNIE II
Don't you mean your husband?
JEANNIE
Anthony! Where is Anthony?
JEANNIE II
He's around here somewhere. Now, let me think of where I put him.
(looks around, blinks)
MAJOR NELSON
(voice over)
Jeannie! Help me! She's going to take me away with her, back to Baghdad!
JEANNIE
(rushes over to bottle, stops, composes herself)
Oh, sister, I am surprised that you think I would fall for that again. You cannot fool me anymore.
JEANNIE II
But darling, you can see for yourself that he's in there. Look through the glass.
JEANNIE
(she sees a nondescript man and thinks it's Major Nelson)
You did trap him! Oh, Jeannie, how could you?
JEANNIE II
Well, you can't blame a genie for trying to grant her own wishes.
SERENA
(to herself)
A genie? Jeannie's a genie? And her sister, Jeannie, is a genie as well? What creative genius named these two?
JEANNIE
I can. Do not fear, Master, darling, I am here!
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
DARRIN
Master?
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Jeannie puts arms at sides, blinks, turns into pink smoke and disappears into bottle. Jeannie II rushes over to mantel, puts cork in place.
JEANNIE II
Finally, you're out of the way. I can always count on your gullibility, can't I?
SERENA
(impressed)
She's so evil. We should have lunch.
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
Jeannie appears out of pink smoke. Darrin looks frightened at seeing Jeannie. She fails to notice Darrin as she looks up at top of bottle, realizes she's been duped.
JEANNIE
You tricked me! Oh, sister, let me out!
JEANNIE II
(voice over)
Don't worry about your Major Nelson, darling. He's safe here with me.
DARRIN
(from behind Jeannie)
Jeannie? Is that you? Where are we?
Jeannie turns around in surprise, sees Darrin.
JEANNIE
Darrin? Darrin Stephens?
DARRIN
Yes. It's me.
JEANNIE
But you were outside just a moment ago, were you not?
DARRIN
Yes, I was. But then I saw you and when I asked where Samantha was you blinked. The next thing I knew I was in here.
Jeannie stares at him. As she walks closer, he backs away. She puts a finger under his eye, peers inside. She backs away, alarmed.
JEANNIE
It is you, Darrin! Then that was Anthony in the living room. My sister must have changed his form. How could I listen to her? We are trapped, and so is my poor Anthony.
DARRIN
Then Samantha was right all along. There is something different about you. You're a witch! That's what you are!
JEANNIE
A what? Oh, no. There are no such things as witches. I am a genie.
DARRIN
Yes, I know your name is Jeannie. My name is Darrin. How do you do?
JEANNIE
No, Darrin. You do not understand. I am a real genie. I grant wishes for my master, Major Nelson. I was trapped inside this bottle when it was corked over two thousand years ago. Anthony released me.
DARRIN
And we're both trapped in here because the bottle is corked?
JEANNIE
Yes, Darrin. That is correct.
DARRIN
This is incredible. I can't believe this is happening. Did I pass out from the booze? Am I dreaming or what?
JEANNIE
Darrin, are you well? I have explained as best as I can. I am Jeannie, Major Nelson's genie. That is not too difficult to understand, is it?
(she takes a step toward him, he backs away)
Oh, please do not be frightened. I am not a wicked genie. I am your friend. Or I thought I was. But now I suppose you and Samantha wish you had never come here.
She begins to cry. Darrin inches over slowly, puts hand on her shoulder.
DARRIN
Hey, now, don't cry. Everything will be okay. Take it from me, I've been in scrapes as bad as this once or twice before.
JEANNIE
Really? You are not just saying that to make me feel better?
DARRIN
Do you feel better? Then what does it matter? Just have a little faith, Jeannie.
JEANNIE
I am sorry that this has happened. And I am sorry I cannot release us.
DARRIN
Why don't I try rubbing the side of the bottle. Maybe that will work.
JEANNIE
No, Darrin, it will not.
DARRIN
It worked for Aladdin.
JEANNIE
But Aladdin found his genie in a lamp, not a bottle. Lamps need to be rubbed. Bottles need to be uncorked and mine is not.
DARRIN
So what do we do now?
JEANNIE
I do not know. We must wait to be released.
DARRIN
How long did you say you were imprisoned?
JEANNIE
About two thousand years.
DARRIN
Terrific! You don't happen to have a phone in here, do you? I should cancel a few appointments.
(gets an idea)
Samantha! Sam will be back soon, won't she?
JEANNIE
Yes, Darrin.
DARRIN
Then there's nothing to worry about. She'll let us out.
JEANNIE
Oh, but when she walks in my sister will surely blink her out of the way. Oh, poor Samantha!
DARRIN
I wouldn't worry about Sam. She knows a few magic tricks of her own.
JEANNIE
No, Darrin. My sister is a very powerful genie. It is hopeless.
DARRIN
Hopeless is not in the Stephens' vocabulary. Just wait and see if you don't believe me. Everything will turn out fine.
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
JEANNIE II
Finally, Major, baby, you're mine! Nothing can stop me now.
(blinks, Major Nelson, still disguised as Darrin, is reanimated)
MAJOR NELSON
Jeannie! Help!
JEANNIE II
Of course, darling. I'll help you. What's a genie for?
She blinks, transforms into Jeannie, lunges at Major Nelson and kisses him hard on lips. Samantha walks in, sees Jeannie II as Jeannie, and Major Nelson as Darrin, kissing. She is surprised, then furious.
MAJOR NELSON
Please, Jeannie! My wife!
JEANNIE II
Don't worry about that blond. She's not your concern anymore.
SAMANTHA
Darrin! Jeannie! What's going on here?
MAJOR NELSON
Samantha, please, I'm not Darrin! I'm Tony! You've got to get out of here! You're in danger!
SAMANTHA
With an excuse like that I'd say you two are the ones in danger.
SERENA
I should take a cue and clear this mess up.
(motionless, grinning)
I really should.
JEANNIE II
Ah, the other human's wife. Another blond.
(to Major Nelson)
What is it with you men, anyway? Aren't brunettes in fashion anymore?
SAMANTHA
(to Jeannie II)
And I thought you were my friend! I can't believe it. Mother was right! Mortals can't be trusted. But they can be punished.
MAJOR NELSON
I'm not your husband.
SAMANTHA
Not for much longer. And I thought you could be taken at your word. I guess not with her around.
JEANNIE II
Now, Samantha, why don't you be a good little girl and calm down? This tantrum doesn't reflect well on you. Reflection, eh?
She glances at living room mirror, begins to blink. Serena zaps a protective field around Samantha.
SERENA
Witch one, genie zip.
JEANNIE II
Oh, by Haji's silks!! What now!?
SAMANTHA
Now? Speaking of reflections, I think I'll put you where you belong.
Jeannie II blinks again. Serena zaps Samantha with a shield again. Jeannie II sees nothing happen, turns to run away. Samantha twitches her nose. As Jeannie II is running she disappears, reappears inside mirror. She tries to blink out, can't and starts banging on glass.
JEANNIE II
Let me out of here! You can't hold me behind this glass!
SAMANTHA
If I were you, Jeannie, I'd quiet down unless you want that mirror you're encased in to fall and shatter. I couldn't guarantee your safety.
(to Major Nelson)
I can't guarantee yours either.
MAJOR NELSON
You did that? You did it? But how? Are you a, well, are you-?
SAMANTHA
I am someone whom you can no longer get around, Darrin Stephens. To think of all the time I spent catering to you, raising your daughter, and for what? A quick trip to the moon with the astronaut's wife?
MAJOR NELSON
Well, no one can say you keep your anger all bottled up. Eh, Samantha?
SAMANTHA
(glances at bottle)
That's right. But keeping you bottled up might be a good idea for now, just so I don't do anything else I may later regret. I'm furious, but as a witch I'm supposed to be above mortal fits of emotion.
MAJOR NELSON
A witch? You're a witch?
SAMANTHA
Yes, Darrin, you know that. And after four years this little gesture should be familiar.
(twitches her nose, he disappears)
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
Darrin sits on cushions, watches Jeannie pace back and forth. Major Nelson, still disguised as Darrin, appears, Jeannie walks into him. Darrin stands, too shocked to speak.
JEANNIE
Oh, excuse me, Darrin, but-
(looks behind her, sees real Darrin, looks back at Major Nelson)
But? What? Sister, is this more of your mischief?
DARRIN
Really! Jeannie, I don't understand any of this! Who is that? I know who he looks like, but he can't be. Sam? Is that you?
MAJOR NELSON
Please, listen to me, won't you? Jeannie, it's me, Anthony, your husband.
JEANNIE
(looks at him suspiciously)
Is that really you, Anthony?
MAJOR NELSON
Yes, Jeannie. I am your master. Remember the island where we met? And this. We're inside your bottle. The bottle I freed you from when the Blue Djinn imprisoned you for not marrying him? Come on, Jeannie, how else could I know all of that if I wasn't your Major Nelson?
JEANNIE
Oh, Master, I am so sorry about the fight we had this afternoon. You were right. I should have stuck to the human way of doing things. Then maybe we would not be stuck in here.
MAJOR NELSON
I'm sorry, too. But I've said that to you before.
JEANNIE
Really? Me?
MAJOR NELSON
Well, not you. It was your sister. She did this to me. Jeannie. I wish you could change me back. Darrin must be terribly confused.
JEANNIE
Oh, certainly, Master! Anything you say!
(she folds her arms, blinks, Major Nelson looks like himself again)
But, Anthony, if my sister was going to take you away with her, why are you here?
MAJOR NELSON
Because apparently we're not the only couple in this house with a secret. Eh, Darrin?
DARRIN
What was that? All right. It's only fair, I suppose, since I know about you, Jeannie. The truth is that Samantha is a witch, just like I told you before, Tony. She casts spells and flies and, well, I guess does all of the same stuff you can, Jeannie.
MAJOR NELSON
Boy, I'll say! And she can do even more than Jeannie.
JEANNIE
Why do you say that, Master?
MAJOR NELSON
Because she put your sister inside our living room mirror. And when she tried to blink at Samantha it didn't work.
DARRIN
Wait a minute. Then Samantha is still out there?
MAJOR NELSON
I guess so.
DARRIN
(frantically pounds on wall)
Sam!! Samantha, please let us out! It's me, Darrin, the real Darrin! That's Jeannie's sister in the mirror, not Jeannie! Can you hear me? Sam!!
SAMANTHA
(voice over)
Yes, Darrin, I hear you, and if you think I'm going to let you out I think you've cracked your cauldron.
(begins to cry)
SERENA
(to herself, guilty)
Sammy, would you stop sniveling. You're spoiling the entire play.
DARRIN
No, Sam. Please open the bottle. Major Nelson and Jeannie are in here with me. Jeannie, you've got to do something! Can't you blink me outside at least?
JEANNIE
No, Darrin, I cannot. When the cork is in my bottle there is very little I can do, except . . .
SIMULTANEOUSLY
DARRIN
. . . except what?
MAJOR NELSON
. . . except what?
JEANNIE
(laughs, spins around, folds arms)
This!
(blinks with effort)
Let us hope it works.
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Jeannie's bottle lifts itself off of mantelpiece, levitates over to Samantha, who paces with her back to it. It follows her. As she turns, it hovers directly under her nose.
SAMANTHA
Now what?
(grabs bottle by neck, peers through glass)
Darrin? Are you doing that? Darrin?
JEANNIE II
(furious)
Don't touch that bottle! You'll ruin everything!
(blinks and the bottle disappears)
SAMANTHA
What on earth?
(Jeannie II laughs)
What's going on?
Serena appears in front of Samantha. Jeannie II looks surprised.
SERENA
I'll tell you, little cousin. Apparently this Jeannie Nelson is a genie-a wish-granting, carpet-flying genie. And this is really her sister.
(motions to mirror)
SAMANTHA
Serena, you're kidding? Is this another one of your tricks? What are you doing here anyway?
SERENA
I got bored after you left and wanted to help you out. What's a cousin for?
SAMANTHA
Usually to make mischief. You're never this helpful.
SERENA
Well, don't get use to it, but I just couldn't stand by and watch a genie get the best of a witch, especially my own blood.
SAMANTHA
But what happened to the bottle? Darrin and the Nelsons?
JEANNIE II
They're gone, back to Baghdad. Let my master deal with the lot of them. And there's nothing you can do about it.
SERENA
(to Jeannie II)
You don't know a thing about us witches, do you?
SAMANTHA
(to Jeannie II)
I'll deal with you later.
(incants)
Spirits on high, and spirits down low, take me where that bottle did go.
(disappears)
SERENA
(to Samantha, addresses the air)
Don't worry about the mankiller in the mirror, Sammy, if she tries to move I'll give her seven years bad luck.
Jeannie II stamps her feet, the mirror shakes, she stops. Serena laughs.
EXT BAGHDAD
Jeannie II's MASTER, an older, gray-bearded man in flowing robes, holds the bottle in his hand and is about to uncork it. Samantha appears and sees the bottle. She grabs it.
MASTER
Who are you? Give me back that bottle!
SAMANTHA
Excuse me, but I'm in a terrible hurry.
(snaps her fingers and disappears)
INT NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
Samantha reappears with the bottle in hand. Jeannie II shakes her head in disbelief. Samantha pulls cork out of bottle. She is about to peer over its top when Jeannie blinks out in a puff of pink smoke. Samantha turns from Jeannie, who stands in front of her, to mirror where Jeannie II is still imprisoned. Samantha puts bottle back on mantelpiece, backs away from it. Jeannie notices Serena and looks from her to Samantha, confused.
SAMANTHA
Jeannie, this is my cousin Serena. And whether I can explain all of this or not, we owe her a debt of thanks.
SERENA
Don't mention it. This was more entertaining than the Cosmos Club. See you around, cuz.
(snaps her fingers, disappears)
SAMANTHA
(addresses the air)
Thanks again, Serena . I owe you one.
Jeannie is broken from her confusion when she hears Major Nelson and Darrin calling for help.
SAMANTHA
Darrin!
JEANNIE
Do not worry, Samantha, I shall get them out.
Jeannie blinks, Major Nelson and Darrin appear in living room. Major Nelson rushes over to Jeannie, hugs her tightly. Darrin checks himself to make sure he is all there, walks toward Samantha, who backs away from him.
DARRIN
Wow! What a crazy trip that was! But we're out. Thanks to you, darling.
(he attempts to hug her, she steps back)
SAMANTHA
Not another step, Darrin Stephens, until I know what all this is about.
DARRIN
Sweetheart, you were right about Jeannie. There is something different about her.
JEANNIE
Yes, Samantha. I am a genie.
SAMANTHA
That's what Serena said, but I'm still on the fence about it.
DARRIN
Sam, honest, she's a genie and when her bottle is corked she can't get out.
SAMANTHA
(in disbelief)
And that's the truth? Really?
JEANNIE
Oh, Samantha! You can be a witch but I cannot be a genie?
MAJOR NELSON
How do you like that.
SAMANTHA
(to Darrin)
You told! How could you?
DARRIN
Gee, Sam, I don't know. When we were inside that bottle it seemed like the perfect time to play I confess.
MAJOR NELSON
Samantha, it's okay. We're all in the same boat here. I mean, if we tell on you then you could tell on us, couldn't you?
DARRIN
That's right, Sam. And none of us want that to happen. So our eight lips will stay sealed. Agreed?
SIMULTANEOUSLY
MAJOR NELSON
Agreed.
JEANNIE
Agreed.
SAMANTHA
Agreed.
Each couple hugs, kisses. Jeannie II's voice is heard from behind them.
JEANNIE II
Jeannie, darling, it's me.
(blinks, assumes her original appearance)
Let me out of here, won't you?
DARRIN
And I thought you and Serena looked alike.
SAMANTHA
(points to mirror)
Now what should we do about her?
DARRIN
Don't let her out, Sam. She'll put me back in that bottle.
SAMANTHA
Don't worry, sweetheart. She can't do you any harm now that I'm here. Right, Jeannie?
JEANNIE
That is right, Samantha. Are you thinking what I am thinking?
SAMANTHA
I think I'm thinking it. Do you want to do it or shall I?
SIMULTANEOUSLY
DARRIN
Do what?
MAJOR NELSON
Do what?
SIMULTANEOUSLY
SAMANTHA
This.
JEANNIE
This.
(folds her arms, blinks, Jeannie II's bottle appears suspended in mid-air, Jeannie takes bottle, hands it to Samantha)
Now, Samantha, remove your spell. Please.
SAMANTHA
Certainly!
(twitches her nose, Jeannie II disappears from mirror, appears in front of group)
JEANNIE II
(to Samantha)
I'll get even with you for this if it's the last thing I do. A witch! I couldn't describe you more accurately if I tried.
SAMANTHA
Thank you. It was nice meeting you, too. And good-bye.
Samantha takes cork out of bottle, twitches her nose. Jeannie II turns into blue smoke, disappears into bottle. Samantha puts cork firmly in place, lets bottle hang in mid-air.
SAMANTHA
(to Jeannie)
I believe it's your turn.
JEANNIE
Thank you, Samantha. It is my pleasure. Until we meet again, sister dear. Give my regards to your master.
(blinks, bottle disappears)
JEANNIE
All is well that ends well, is that not right?
SAMANTHA
Right.
DARRIN
You know, Sam, after seeing how easy it was to lock that genie up I sort of wish that you were born one, too.
SAMANTHA
Why is that, sweetheart?
DARRIN
Like daughter, like mother. We could cork Endora up for years at a stretch.
SAMANTHA
Darrin!
(she thinks, expression brightens)
Well!
INT BAGHDAD. JEANNIE II'S MASTER'S CHAMBERS
MASTER
(paces)
When I get my hands on that little imp I'll-
Jeannie II's bottle appears in his hand. He uncorks it, Jeannie II comes out in a puff of blue smoke.
JEANNIE II
You'll what, Master, darling?
MASTER
Where have you been? Never mind, get back in there.
JEANNIE II
Not yet, darling. I have some unfinished business.
MASTER
I am your master! You will obey me. Now disappear.
(he points inside the bottle)
JEANNIE II
As you wish, Master.
(blinks and disappears)
MASTER
You vixen! That is not what I meant! Come back here!
EXT NASA LAUNCHPAD
INT TEST SPACECRAFT
Both couples tour the interior.
DARRIN
I still can't get over last night. We've met a real genie. Another famous first for the Stephens.
SAMANTHA
Just when I was sure I'd seen it all. I can't wait to fill Mother in.
(to Jeannie)
She's a witch, too.
JEANNIE
That would explain seeing her yesterday.
(in confidence)
Is your broom very comfortable?
SAMANTHA
Oh, it's not bad. After awhile you get a feel for it. But I would imagine it's less roomy than a magic carpet.
As they speak Jeannie II blinks in and hides in the spacecraft.
MAJOR NELSON
We should join the general and the others now. Ladies?
(gestures to the exit)
Samantha and Jeannie exit. Jeannie II blinks, the door closes before Major Nelson and Darrin can exit. Samantha and Jeannie turn in time to see Jeannie II inside.
JEANNIE II
You two aren't going anywhere, except maybe to the moon.
(blinks, the spacecraft takes off)
EXT A SAFE DISTANCE FROM THE LAUNCH PAD
SAMANTHA
Oh, my stars! Darrin!
JEANNIE
She has trapped them! What shall we do now?
General Peterson, Doctor Bellows and Larry Tate run up to them.
GENERAL PETERSON
What's going on here? They're stealing our ship!
(to Larry)
Is this your idea of a publicity stunt?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Or is this sabotage? Mr. Tate, just what are Nelson and Stephens trying to do?
LARRY
(stammers)
I-I-I have no idea, b-but my agency had nothing to do with it. I can assure you of that. Wait until I get my hands on Stephens. He'll pay for this!
The three men quarrel amongst each other and fail to notice Samantha grab Jeannie's hand and pull her behind the launch pad.
SAMANTHA
We've got to go after them.
(twitches her nose, changes into flying suit with broom in hand)
JEANNIE
This time my sister has gone too far.
(blinks, now wears pink harem costume, sits on magic carpet)
I only hope we get there in time.
EXT OUTER SPACE
The spacecraft flies toward the moon. Samantha, on her broom, and Jeannie, on her carpet, are in pursuit.
INT SPACECRAFT
Major Nelson, Darrin and Jeannie II are weightless.
MAJOR NELSON
Try to grab onto something, Darrin!
Darrin reaches for a lever on the wall. Jeannie II blinks, both men are instantly bound and gagged.
JEANNIE II
At long last, Major, baby. You're mine.
Jeannie II closes in on Major Nelson as Samantha and Jeannie appear in front of her.
JEANNIE
Think again, sister!
Jeannie II, angered, begins to blink. Jeannie folds her arms in defense, Major Nelson floats into Jeannie and knocks her down. Samantha quickly gestures and Jeannie II freezes in place. Jeannie gets up and blinks. The men are freed and land safely on the floor.
DARRIN
I don't know how much more of this I can take.
MAJOR NELSON
I've got to get the ship back to earth.
(sits at controls, changes their course)
SAMANTHA
(to Jeannie)
That was a close call. Your sister certainly is persistent.
JEANNIE
When it comes to Anthony, you are right. And now she knows you and your cousin Serena are witches. What are we to do?
SAMANTHA
Oh, my stars! I wish she had never seen Darrin and me. That's it!
JEANNIE
What is it, Samantha?
SAMANTHA
(raises arms in front of Jeannie II)
Though you caused trouble with your wicked blink, this spell will clearly make you think, that you were never here this week at all, and memories of the Stephens you won't recall.
(with thunder and lightning Jeannie II disappears, Samantha lowers arms, Jeannie hugs her)
JEANNIE
You did it, Samantha! She is gone! And she will not remember any of this?
SAMANTHA
Nope. She'll be back in Baghdad right about now with her own master.
DARRIN
That's fine with me. But what about everyone on earth? How will we explain all of this?
SAMANTHA
I don't know. But we've got to do something. General Peterson and Larry sounded ready to prosecute.
MAJOR NELSON
I wish there were a way out of this.
JEANNIE
Your wish is my command.
(she crosses her arms and blinks with great effort)
MAJOR NELSON
(alarmed)
Jeannie, what have you done?
JEANNIE
Do not worry, Master. Magic got us into this. I see no reason why it cannot get us back out.
DARRIN
(to Samantha, low)
Sound familiar, Sam?
SAMANTHA
Ssshh!
EXT SPACECRAFT LANDS ON THE LAUNCH PAD.
Major Nelson, Darrin, Samantha and Jeannie, both dressed normally again, exit the ship. General Peterson, Doctor Bellows and Larry Tate walk over to them.
GENERAL PETERSON
Did you enjoy your tour?
MAJOR NELSON
Our tour, sir?
(he looks at Jeannie, she nods.)
Oh, the tour. Yes, General.
LARRY
Darrin, I trust you gained some further inspiration for the campaign.
DARRIN
Oh, yes, Larry. It was quite...um...uplifting.
Samantha, Jeannie and Major Nelson look at Darrin knowingly.
GENERAL PETERSON
Let's get on with the test launch then.
As they exit, Major Nelson hugs Jeannie.
MAJOR NELSON
Darling, you're one in a million.
JEANNIE
Make that two in a million. Right, Samantha?
SAMANTHA
Right.
INT NELSONS' DINING ROOM
They have champagne.
JEANNIE
I will be so sad to see you both leave tomorrow. I only wish there was something I could do to make your stay more memorable.
SAMANTHA
More memorable? You've got to be kidding! Well, there is one thing I would love to see, but I'm embarrassed to ask.
JEANNIE
Anything you wish is my command. Please tell me what it is.
SAMANTHA
Well, everyone has seen the inside of your bottle but me. Would I be a presumptuous houseguest to ask for a tour?
JEANNIE
Of course not!
(she blinks, both couples disappear)
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
Both couples appear.
DARRIN
Oh, boy, here we go again. It's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic.
JEANNIE
What do you think, Samantha?
SAMANTHA
I think it's lovely. It really suits you.
MAJOR NELSON
I never even got to finish my champagne.
SAMANTHA
I can fix that.
She twitches her nose, a small table and tray with four glasses of champagne appears in the middle of Jeannie's circular cushions. Everyone takes a glass and sits down.
EXT NELSONS' FRONT DOOR
Dr. Bellows knocks, after a moment he walks in.
INT NELSON' LIVING ROOM
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Major Nelson? Jeannie? I saw Mr. Tate off at the airport and wanted to drop by to say goodbye to the Stephens. They are leaving in the morning, aren't they? Major?
He looks around for them and notices the cork off of the bottle on the mantel. He absently puts it back in place.
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
SAMANTHA
This is absolutely fascinating.
(looks up at the bottle's opening)
And when the cork is in the bottle you can't blink out?
JEANNIE
Yes, that is the rule.
SAMANTHA
Like now?
JEANNIE
(looks up, panics)
Oh, no! We are trapped! Please, someone! Let us out!
EXT LIVING ROOM
Doctor Bellows enters kitchen.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Jeannie? Major Nelson?
INT JEANNIE'S BOTTLE
SAMANTHA
Relax, Jeannie. You forget that you may be stuck in here, but I'm not.
JEANNIE
Yes, of course. Very well, it is up to you.
SAMANTHA
Do you still wish I was a genie, Darrin?
DARRIN
Not at all, Sam. You just stay the sweet, loveable witch you are.
SAMANTHA
I'll hold you to that.
(kisses Darrin)
Don't worry, folks, I'll see you all in a moment.
(waves arms over head, disappears)
INT LIVING ROOM
Doctor Bellows exits the kitchen and sees Samantha appear. He hides near the kitchen door as she opens the bottle.
SAMANTHA
Okay, everybody. You can come out now.
Jeannie appears in a puff of pink smoke, stands next to Samantha, folds her arms and blinks. Major Nelson and Darrin appear.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Ah-ha! Now explain this!
Both couples notice him, look surprised.
MAJOR NELSON
"Ah-ha," what, sir?
DOCTORS BELLOWS
I just saw you all come out of that bottle. Don't deny it.
DARRIN
(deadpan)
Tony, is he kidding?
SAMANTHA
Doctor, think of what you're saying. Wouldn't that be a tight squeeze?
MAJOR NELSON
(to the Stephens, feigning embarrassment)
You must excuse him, but this whole project has put the doctor under a lot of pressure.
JEANNIE
Doctor Bellows, please calm down.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
(looks at their blank faces)
You were in there, and I can prove it.
MAJOR NELSON
You can?
DOCTOR BELLOWS
(heads for the bottle)
Yes. I put the cork in place and Mrs. Stephens just took it out. It should still be off.
(Samantha quickly twitches the cork back on the bottle.)
See for yourself.
(he shows them the corked bottle. They look at him curiously.)
But it was off, wasn't it?
MAJOR NELSON
No, Doctor. I'm afraid you're mistaken.
DOCTOR BELLOWS
Major Nelson, you've done it to me again.
INT THE NELSONS' LIVING ROOM
DARRIN
Well, that was a close one.
(to Samantha)
You know, I was starting to feel homesick until now.
SAMANTHA
Shades of Gladys Kravitz, eh?
JEANNIE
Poor Doctor Bellows. Sometimes I wish someone would believe him, just so he does not think himself insane.
(to Samantha)
It was very good of you to help out.
SAMANTHA
We immortals have to stick together.
JEANNIE
I wish for us to always remain friends.
SAMANTHA
I'm not a genie, but that's a wish I can grant you.
MAJOR NELSON
So that's that then?
DARRIN
I suppose so. I've got all of the material I need to get our campaign ready for the public in the next few weeks.
SAMANTHA
So why do you sound a little disappointed, sweetheart?
DARRIN
Well, if you want to know the truth, I still would like to be around NASA for a ringside seat to the first manned moon landing.
Samantha and Jeannie give each other mischievous, knowing looks.
SAMANTHA
Oh, sweetheart, how about we go you one better?
DARRIN
What do you mean?
Samantha twitches and Jeannie blinks simultaneously. The four disappear.
EXT THE SURFACE OF THE MOON
The four appear on the surface of the moon and look around.
DARRIN
Déjà vu.
MAJOR NELSON
If Armstrong could see me now.
(to Darrin)
Now all we need are some golf clubs, remember?
JEANNIE
I can fix that, Master.
(blinks, golf clubs appear near Major Nelson and Darrin)
SAMANTHA
I had forgotten how peaceful it can be up here.
(she zaps up two lounge chairs, a table and refreshments, to Jeannie)
Shall we?
The ladies sit down and clink their glasses in a silent toast, the men begin to play golf.
DARRIN
Fore!
Darrin swings his club and makes contact with the ball. The ball fast approaches and fills the camera lens. Quick cut to black. End credits.
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