Samantha & Louise:
Desperate Housewives

by CosmosCotillion

Part Three

After dancing to the funky beat for a minute or two, Serena blew Larry a kiss and sent him down to the dance floor with the rest of the crowd. It was time for the debut of her fabulous new number, and as much as she liked Larry, he was a little too "mortal" to be part of the act.

As the music stopped and the lights dimmed, an expectant hush overtook the crowd and Serena walked to the microphone at the front of the stage. After a few moments of silence, the stage suddenly sprang to life as multi-colored lights flashed in sync with the pounding disco beat that started to play. A group of sexy back-up singers danced out from behind a curtain, and Serena began to sing:

"I'm a disco diva! Got the dancin' fe-vah! Gonna do the hustle! And shake my pretty bustle! Everybody hit the floor. Dance 'til you can't dance no more. Swing and sway and trip the lights. We're gonna have some fun tonight. Serena's here to do her thing. Feel the beat and dance and sing!"

The crowd erupted in enthusiastic applause, and everyone began dancing with wild abandon as Serena's back-up vocalists chimed-in with the song's chorus:

"Dancefloor superstar!!!"

The crowd went crazy, cheering and whistling as Serena joined in:

"I'm a disco diva!"

"Dancefloor superstar!!!"

"Got the dancin' fe-vah!"

"Dancefloor superstar!!!"

"Gonna do the hustle!"

"Dancefloor superstar!!!"

"And shake my pretty bustle!"

While Serena stood on stage shaking her derriere and warbling her heart out, Samantha chased after Louise who had dashed off to a deserted corner where she sat crying her eyes out.

"Now, Louise, you mustn't let Larry see you cry," she said gently as she patted Louise on the back. "He'll just get upset and things will be worse than they ever were."

Louise dabbed at her eyes, straightened her back, and thrust out her chin with defiance.

"You're right, Samantha", she sniffled. "I'm not going to give Larry the satisfaction of thinking that I miss him! If he wants me back, it's going to be on MY terms, NOT his! 'I am woman, hear me roar'...the cheating louse!"

"That's the spirit, Louise!" Samantha said supportively. "And I'm positive he's not cheating on you. Serena's probably just having a little know how she is!"

"And I know how Larry is, too!" Louise replied cynically. "The old skirt-chaser!"

"He might drool at the banquet, but I doubt he partakes of the feast," Samantha said with a wry smile. "Metaphorically speaking, of course." Louise glanced at her knowingly, and then they both started to laugh.

"He likes to pretend he's Casanova, but he's really Ebeneezer more ways than one!" Louise giggled. "You know how old ad-men like Larry are: everything's all talk, and there's not a lot of truth in their advertising!"

"You're joking?" Samantha said with mock surprise, and then the two old friends burst out laughing again. Just then, Darrin came into view, walking towards them with Larry in tow.

"Look who I found", Darrin stated cheerfully as they approached. "Good ol' Larry!"

Samantha and Louise immediately stopped laughing and Louise glared at Larry coldly.

"It's nice to see you, Samantha," Larry said politely as he registered the chill coming from Louise.

"It's nice to see you, too, Larry," Samantha replied, her eyes motioning towards Louise as she attempted to direct Larry's attention to his wife.

"Hello, Louise", Larry muttered stiffly, his words dipped in ice.

"That's Mary Louise Van Buren to you!", Louise blurted out angrily, and then she stomped off towards the buffet table.

"Oh, my!", Samantha said nervously when she saw the wounded look on Larry's face. "I think Louise might be the ~teensiest~ bit upset because she saw you dancing with Serena. I'm sure she'll get over it, though...why don't you go over and tell her that you're sorry?"

"I'll dance with anyone I want to!" Larry barked indignantly. Samantha and Darrin both jumped, startled by his outburst. "What does she think I am, some kind of dog on a leash? Oh, to hell with her...I need a drink!" Larry stalked off in the direction of the nearest kickapoo joy-juice fountain, and Samantha and Darrin glanced at each other worriedly.

"Well, so much for your plan to reunite Larry and Louise," Darrin stated with controlled exasperation. "Do you have any other bright ideas up your sleeve?"
Samantha furrowed her brow for a moment and then announced:

"It's spell time!"

"Oh, no!" Darrin cautioned. "We agreed; no witchcraft!"

"Don't you ever get tired of saying that?" Samantha scoffed sarcastically.

Darrin crossed his arms and stared at Samantha, resigned to what he knew was coming.

"It'll just be this once", Samantha explained. "I can either fix things with a little magic, or Louise and Jonathan can live with us forever. It's up to you!"

"If it were up to me, I wouldn't be here wearing this ridiculous outfit and none of this would be happening in the first place!"

"I knew you'd see things my way", Samantha smiled as she leaned over and gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll have to get Serena to help me, but it won't take long. Oh, look...there's Esmeralda! Why don't you go over and chat with her while I...uh...take care of things!"

"Terrific," Darrin grumbled to himself as he started to walk towards Esmeralda. "There's nothing I'd rather do more than chat with someone who fades away while my wife plays magical marriage counselor with my boss!"

"Sweetheart", Samantha called after him. "Why don't you take Esmeralda out for a spin on the dance floor? I'm sure she'd love it!"

"I refuse to dance with a floating pair of glasses," Darrin replied humorlessly as Samantha tried to suppress a giggle.

Up on the stage, Serena was taking her bows as the crowd applauded her performance. Samantha glanced around to make sure Louise and Larry weren't looking, and then she snapped her fingers and magically appeared in the spotlight behind Serena.

"For my next number..." Serena announced. Samantha tapped her cousin on the shoulder from behind, causing Serena to shriek with alarm. "Say, what did you do that for? You scared me!"

"Turnabout is fair play," Samantha replied with a smug smile.

"Well, you finally got me," Serena muttered cheerlessly as she re-arranged her feather boa. "Whoop-dee-doo for you!"

While the audience watched, Samantha leaned in and whispered into Serena's ear, quickly explaining the situation with Larry and Louise and reminding Serena that the whole thing was her idea in the first place.

"...and that's why you've got to help me!"

"Oh, if you insist!", Serena replied with annoyance as she shot her cousin a withering glance. Turning her attention back to her fans, she announced: " it! I'll be back!" Clicking their fingers in unison, they both vanished from the stage and instantly re-appeared back near the buffet table.

"Alright, let's get this ~dreary~ dating game over with," Serena sighed poutily. "Who do I zap and what do I zap them with?"

"I thought we could use the basic 'Lost Love' spell," Samantha suggested.

"The one with the drinks?"

"Yes. Now, you go over there where Larry's drowning his sorrows by the fountain, and I'll handle Louise."

Samantha twitched her nose and a goblet of frothy kickapoo joy-juice appeared in her hand as she set off to look for her friend. Serena sauntered over to Larry, pausing before she got too near so he wouldn't see her. Quickly and with undisguised boredom, she recited:

"Cottontop, your will is weak
Your wife's the one who's love you seek
So drink up all your magic brew
And dance right back to a girl named Lou!"

She snapped her fingers with a flourish and watched as Larry started to guzzle the contents of his goblet.

Near the buffet, Samantha stopped and recited carefully and with feeling:

"Louise, go dance with Larry Tate
Your heart is filled with love, not hate
The disco beat will work like magic
Now go and trip the light fantastic!"

A disco love song suddenly began to play, and Samantha smiled with satisfaction as she walked over to her friend.

"Here you go, Louise...drink up!"

Louise accepted the goblet and eagerly began to swallow its contents. "Thank you, Samantha," she said when she was through. "I was suddenly so thirsty and I...I...I simply MUST go and dance with Larry!" Putting her goblet down and pushing Samantha aside, Louise dashed over to her husband. Larry's face lit up with a warm smile when he saw her, and an overwhelming sense of love and attraction sparked like fire between them.

"Louise, my love!" he exclaimed, rushing towards her with open arms.

"Larry, my one and only!" Louise gushed as they met and held each other in a tight embrace.

"Dance with me, my angel!" Larry crooned softly into her ear. "Dance with me for the rest of my life!"

"I think I'm about to ~throw up~ with happiness!" Serena trilled sarcastically, rolling her eyes with disdain as Samantha sidled up next to her. "Mortal love has never been my bag!"

"All's well that ends well," Samantha stated, a look of joy emanating from her face as she watched Louise and Larry dancing cheek to cheek. Serena's attention was on Darrin and Esmeralda who were standing on the sidelines wordlessly observing the action and looking entirely miserable about being there.

"Why are Super-Boob and Super-Prim standing there like they're at a funeral?" Serena queried, her voice tinged with displeasure.

"I told Darrin to dance with Esmeralda, but I think he's afraid she'll 'fade-out'."

"Well, they're NOT going to ruin MY party!" Serena declared as she stalked towards them.

"Uh-oh!" Samantha groaned, worried about what Serena might do.

"Cousin-in-law," Serena cooed frostily as she approached. "If you and Maid-Mess-It-Up don't start dancing, you might find your feet permanently ~welded~ to the floor!" With her hands on her hips, Serena glared at Darrin and Esmeralda ominously, daring them to defy her thinly-veiled command. Darrin glanced at Esmeralda and an utterly sad look immediately spread across her face.

"Oh, dear," Esmeralda groaned as she began to fade-away. Sensing Serena's anger, Darrin instantly reached out and grasped Esmeralda's hands before they disappeared, and he began frenetically waltzing while Serena looked on with satisfaction.

"We're dancing! We're Dancing! See?" Darrin stated nervously as Esmeralda's glasses bounced around in mid-air.

"Oh, Mr. Stephens!", Esmeralda exclaimed as she began to re-appear. "What a wonderful dancer you are!" She pulled him closer and pressed her cheek next to his as they quickly waltzed away.

"That's better!" Serena said, and then she snapped herself back up on stage where she resumed singing her song.

"I'm a disco diva! Got the dancin' fe-vah...!"

"Phew! That was close!" Samantha thought to herself as she smiled and turned to walk back to the buffet. Not watching where she was going, she accidentally bumped into someone and immediately turned to apologize.

"Aunt Clara!" she exclaimed, delighted to see her favorite aunt. "And Hedley Partidge! What are you two doing here? Isn't all this noise and clamor a little too much for you?"

Aunt Clara and Hedley joined hands and smiled, their adorable faces lighting up with child-like glee.

"We thought we'd have a trip around the dance floor, for old time's sake," Hedley explained as he led Clara towards the lights and the music and the crowd.

"Be careful!" Samantha called after them with concern. "Don't forget: you're not three-hundred anymore!"

"Don't worry, my dear," Aunt Clara replied with a twinkle. "I've still got a little 'hustle' left in my 'bustle'!"

Samantha smiled as Clara and Hedley started a fast fox trot and Clara shook her hips in time with the music.

"Oh, Aunt Clara...that's the nicest hustle I've seen in anyone's bustle all night!" Giggling to herself, Samantha watched happily as her loved ones circled the dance floor, relieved and satisfied that everything had once again returned to normal...or at least as near to normal as a witch married to a mortal catering a cotillion on a cloud could expect things to be!

~The End~


Samantha & Louise: Desperate Housewives
Part One  Part Two  Part Three


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